Bellevue man faces charges for having sex with a picnic table

StanDarsh

StanDarsh

٩๏̯͡๏)۶
Adventurer
Joined
May 18, 2006
Messages
1,409
Location
Misery
Main Job
Dragoon-Male
Secondary Job
Ninja-Male
Third Job
Monk-Male
http://wtol.com/Global/story.asp?s=8082496


"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.


Lol.



Apparently my video player is outdated, but here's the video which is pretty much what the first link was, just in video form.

http://wtol.com/global/video/popup/...1=v&at1=News&d1=107100&LaunchPageAdTag=Search



What gets me is that the neighbor video taped this happening at one point, and I can only imagine how funny it would be to watch it. Honestly all I can picture is this scene from Super Troopers but replace the bear with a picnic table on it's side.

 
I think the funny thing is that they want to take his kids away for this. Honestly, what goes on in people's bedroom has to be more kinkier than sex with a table.
 
Looks like pussy wasn't hard enough for his taste
 
So did Ms. Picnic Table file a police report containing sexual assault and rape or...?
 
Zephayra said:
I think the funny thing is that they want to take his kids away for this. Honestly, what goes on in people's bedroom has to be more kinkier than sex with a table.
Click to expand...

There is a large difference you're clearly not noticing.

There is a difference between stupidity and kink. That man, was stupid.
 
How does one....have sex with a table....

Does he like, cut a hole on the top and use lots of butter? <_< Seriously, that's fucked up.
 
It was one of those tables with a hole in the middle for you to put an umbrella into.

And yes, he was stupid. If he'd taken the table inside he could have fucked it all he wanted and no one could have done anything. But because he was fucking his table outside in view of the local elementary school playground he's got felony charges.
 
Gotta love asshats that keep the news where it should be focused, hard hitting stories like this.


My favorite news story in the last year I heard was the man that had the police called to his house for something dumb. But when they came to confront him about it he ran away down stairs fully geared in authentic knights armor and kept them at bay up the stairs while throwing weapons like maces and swords axes etc...His whole basement was authentic gear from that age.

And meanwhile when they asked him to stop throwing things and surrender he replies:

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? I HAVE A THOUSAND YEARS OF POWER!!!


This went on for over 2 hours.
 
Fellina said:
And yes, he was stupid. If he'd taken the table inside he could have fucked it all he wanted and no one could have done anything. But because he was fucking his table outside in view of the local elementary school playground he's got felony charges.
Click to expand...

Exactly. He was in his backyard on that little bitty porch with NO privacy fence, fucking a table. A... table. I'm not going to be surprised if its found out that there were some self-subjected chemical imbalances with this guy.

This is why I think people should be given competency/IQ tests before having children.
 
Morwen said:
There is a large difference you're clearly not noticing.

There is a difference between stupidity and kink. That man, was stupid.
Click to expand...

True. Maybe part of the kink was the notion of getting caught?

Either way...I really don't think his children are in any danger just because their dad screwed a table. But to each their own.

Edit: Also, I'm not saying he isn't stupid...I'm just saying people do worse things behind closed doors.
 
Zephayra said:
True. Maybe part of the kink was the notion of getting caught?

Either way...I really don't think his children are in any danger just because their dad screwed a table. But to each their own.

Edit: Also, I'm not saying he isn't stupid...I'm just saying people do worse things behind closed doors.
Click to expand...

There's a possibility of the 'notion of getting caught' as his thrill, but I would assume a more balanced person would go pull a Pee-Wee Herman instead of fornicating with lawn furnture in full view of an elementary school.

I'm not sure what goes on behind peoples doors but fucking something/someone where children could easily see you and not caring is a little messed up. That lack of decency in itself would lead me to question his parenting behavior. What would he allow/disallow his children to do or see? What other fucked up thing would he do to get his jollies? It leads down a road full of assumption and possibility that authorities need to take and probably dont even want to consider (think of the poor garden hose for christ sakes).
 
Morwen said:
There's a possibility of the 'notion of getting caught' as his thrill, but I would assume a more balanced person would go pull a Pee-Wee Herman instead of fornicating with lawn furnture in full view of an elementary school.

I'm not sure what goes on behind peoples doors but fucking something/someone where children could easily see you and not caring is a little messed up. That lack of decency in itself would lead me to question his parenting behavior. What would he allow/disallow his children to do or see? What other fucked up thing would he do to get his jollies? It leads down a road full of assumption and possibility that authorities need to take and probably dont even want to consider (think of the poor garden hose for christ sakes).
Click to expand...

Case point. There is aways the possibility of worse things.

The poor garden hose lost its innocence years ago ;_;

I was more or less thinking that people could do worse things than picnic tables, but we'd never know what kind of fucked up things they do, simply because they don't get caught. Like maybe there's a couple out there screwing chickens while their kids away at school or something.

Edit: In retrospect, what I said was rather dumb, but I was more or less thinking about all the kinky weird people out there who do weird things, but can be perfectly normal parents and raise perfectly normal children. They just like to kick it up a notch.

At the point where I read the article last night, all I could think if was "its just a table...". I hadn't really thought about where he was doing it, or who may have seen it. It just seemed that a table is the least of the worries, since it could be something else like a chicken, or a child, where I would actually want authorities to step in. Know what I mean?
 
Last edited:
Zephayra said:
Case point. There is aways the possibility of worse things.

The poor garden hose lost its innocence years ago ;_;

I was more or less thinking that people could do worse things than picnic tables, but we'd never know what kind of fucked up things they do, simply because they don't get caught. Like maybe there's a couple out there screwing chickens while their kids away at school or something.

Edit: In retrospect, what I said was rather dumb, but I was more or less thinking about all the kinky weird people out there who do weird things, but can be perfectly normal parents and raise perfectly normal children. They just like to kick it up a notch.

At the point where I read the article last night, all I could think if was "its just a table...". I hadn't really thought about where he was doing it, or who may have seen it. It just seemed that a table is the least of the worries, since it could be something else like a chicken, or a child, where I would actually want authorities to step in. Know what I mean?
Click to expand...

What popped in my mind was the fact that his family eats at that table and the total disregard for that. Immediately after that it was: full view of elementary school, odd behavior, general mother-hen panic.

Yeah, joking about the garden-hose is funny but that leads one to think, what other inanimate objects that are fully accessable to his family has he used for his flavor of the week? Obviously the love affair with the picnic table was going on for quite some time, but whom else in the housewares department of Wal-Mart did this man court? Son Timmy's sandbox? Daughter Sarah's Bratz doll collection? Or Baby Bobby's stroller? Maybe the wife's lettuce collander? Who the fuck knows (no, these are not the names of his family, I have no idea what they actually are).

Small, odd things like this sometimes escalate into bigger things. An extreme example (notice the word example, if someone jumps on me saying I called this man a rapist I'm going to make you go ask the picnic table how it feels. Did he ever bring it flowers? NO I DONT THINK SO) would be convicted rapists. Most of them started off with petty assault charges and domestic violence. What else is it going to take after the Marth Stewart picnic table no longer puts a shine in his eyes? Thats why I believe its the right thing for the authorities and child services to take a real good look at this dude and the home life of this household.

I know fully well that you can raise children and/or carry on a perfectly normal life while still having a rather risque and adventerous bedroom lifestyle. I do not have children of my own but I know damn sure that certain things do not go down when kids are home. If some man and their wife decide that sex on the kitchen counter is something they want to do while the kids are gone for the weekend you sure as shit better have a bottle of Clorox not far away. It all comes down to practicality, responsibility and common sense. Things that this man clearly lacks.
 
I love table.....
 
think of the fuckin splinters...that alone would be reason enough not to stick your dick in a table...just because you can doesnt mean you should
 
lol this happened where i live actually, thats my news channels site XD
It wasnt a picnic table either, it was a patio table and he did it in front of a school of kids who witnessed it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top