Alcohol

[Tenkax]

Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin, prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I'll look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

 

[Ryme]

lol Tenk hahah funny post. Ill have to try to say those things the next time I drink that much :lol:

 

[Neche]

l
m
a
o


I love you Tenkax.



Damn you alcohol for hurting him!! But thank you for letting me be immune to hang overs, I really owe you for that one. Also letting me drink you endlessly at 16 years of age to impress all the hot collage chicks, that one I will serve you till the end of time for.

Please give Moon-shine a wave for me, we met about a week ago, and quickly became friends. He had all his kids with him, you know the cherries. Tasted just like him, musta been with him for about a month cause those things were Moon-shine food! Those Cherries are partiers I'll tell ya what. They are still hanging around me! Whoo-hoo those make for an interesting night.

Anyway enough rambling, be nicer to Tenkax for me, and keep up the good work for the rest of us!

 

[Aerandir]

P.S. Is that piss or spilt beer on my pance???

 

[Kat]

Alcohol, ahhhh yes, my husbands an expert on that subject. Well not so much anymore, but he used to be :lol: .

 

[Panda]

I can see that we are going to get along just fine this october, tenkax.

:wink:

 

[Falsey]

And she finaly posts! :lol:

Nice post Tenk.

 

[Davio]

=) lol

 

[Saiyaman]

i love you too. i laughed in the middle of a crowded room when i saw that. the falling out of my chair thing helped it along too.

 

[Danyal]

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

Haha, that is so me

 

[Corrosion]

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Hehe. You've got me there. Luckily whenever I'm drinking my girlfriend is never more than a room away. No strangers for me.

 

[Nitram]

Alco and me have an agreement, i provide drunk friends and he/she gives me the ability to not throw up, have headaches, and be very suave.

 

[Anglis]

lmao!

 

[ricosuave]

hahaha

<3 alcohol

 

[pakomen]

I'm a pretty skinny guy in RL, but two days ago some military dude seemed to want to either A) just be an amazing asshole or B) pick a fight with me, but my good friend Tequilla gave me balls like boulders and I had the greatest shouting match of my life...

Luckily, I didn't get my ass kicked.

 

[Valandil]

to steal a couple of quotes from a couple of commercials....

"Show 'em my motto..."

"HOORAY BEER!"

 

[Panda]

speaking of alcohol and the funny things you do.

Saturday night my brother and I had people over at our house after the drunken olympic games that a few of my friends and I throw twice during the summer (once at the beginning and once at the end). A friend of mine has a pellet gun that he brought over, and of course we were shooting people with it.

My brother and a few of his friends are locked up in his room, so a few of my friends and I grabbed the gun, knocked on his door, and when he opened it proceeded to shoot him with it and throw other things into his room at him and his friends. He punched me in the head a few times but thanks to my friend Pabst I was good to go again after he ran back in his room and closed the door.

Our rooms are next to each other on the second floor of my parents house and outside of each of our windows is the roof to the porch of our house. Seeing that I couldn't get into his room anymore because he had me figured out, his friend suggested that i get him from the roof.

I took teh screen out of my window, went out on teh roof, pulled his screen out from the outside, opened his unlocked window and snipered his ass five times from outside.

Once I came back in I got punched in the head a few more times, but like I said, Pabst4tw.

My brother and two other people also had a punch for punch contest. The bruise on this kids arm is literally half a foot high and wide.

Thank you alcohol, for helping us to really believe that we are superheros and able to withstand a speeding bullet.

 

[Mattaru]

Well I was crunked thursday and shit faced friday and saturday (most of saturday). I must say I did all of those things. Including the unmentioned waking up next to a kind of stranger (no drunken sex though lol).

I'd like to thank: Crown, Tequila, Jack, Coke, Vodka, Coors, the quintessential college "who put beer in my water beer" Key Light, whatever was in that keg, and mary jane.