Another "What would you do"

I didn't mean they are selfish because they are giving the child up. I never thought she was keeping it so I'm not quite sure how my comment is even related to keeping it.

I was speaking overall selfishness that they want another child when they already have three, when some couples with infertility problems have zero. What choice do they have anyways? If they aborted it, or kept it, society would just think they're monsters. I mean, people here are saying they'd abort it, and there's some backlash there.

How do we know that this couple has the financial means to raise another child? I'm going to play devil's advocate here, because there are a ton of couples who can't afford to raise a child that have children, just because they can. I know of couples who have NO money whatsoever, but they can get invitro covered by the health insurance here in Ontario. I mean, hell.. Octopussy is one good example of people who want children but can't afford them. Or what about that woman in the UK who keeps having children, in hopes that Children's Aid will let her keep just one and stop taking them away?

Why are people so hell bent on having their own offspring anyways? I don't like the woman, but they could at least take a page from Angelina Jolie's book and every other celebrity today, and adopt a child. There are thousands of children unfairly brought into this world, but a lot of us are too consumed by this idea that a child has to be our own biological entity. Billions of dollars are put into helping couples have children, and orphans starve in third world countries. It doesn't really make sense, especially with the over population this world has anyways. I have a whole lot of opinions on why people are infertile to begin with, but I won't get into here.

But that's my opinion, and it doesn't bother me if people disagree with me.
 
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Halifirien said:
I would've flushed it out the second I learned it wasn't mine.
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This. Especially if she learned that it wasn't her baby the day she conceived. I'm actually kinda surprised at the number of people that have said that they would have the baby and then give it up.
 
How do we know that this couple has the financial means to raise another child?
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She's probably more financially stable than a teen who gets knocked up.

I was speaking overall selfishness that they want another child when they already have three, when some couples with infertility problems have zero.
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I don't get it, anyone who has 3 kids is greedy for wanting another child? There is no way a person should have to think about infertile people when they are trying to conceive a child, that doesn't make any sense. So Jane Doe is infertile, everyone, stop making babies, its not fair!
 
Zephayra said:
I didn't mean they are selfish because they are giving the child up. I never thought she was keeping it so I'm not quite sure how my comment is even related to keeping it.

I was speaking overall selfishness that they want another child when they already have three, when some couples with infertility problems have zero. What choice do they have anyways? If they aborted it, or kept it, society would just think they're monsters. I mean, people here are saying they'd abort it, and there's some backlash there.

How do we know that this couple has the financial means to raise another child? I'm going to play devil's advocate here, because there are a ton of couples who can't afford to raise a child that have children, just because they can. I know of couples who have NO money whatsoever, but they can get invitro covered by the health insurance here in Ontario. I mean, hell.. Octopussy is one good example of people who want children but can't afford them. Or what about that woman in the UK who keeps having children, in hopes that Children's Aid will let her keep just one and stop taking them away?

Why are people so hell bent on having their own offspring anyways? I don't like the woman, but they could at least take a page from Angelina Jolie's book and every other celebrity today, and adopt a child. There are thousands of children unfairly brought into this world, but a lot of us are too consumed by this idea that a child has to be our own biological entity. Billions of dollars are put into helping couples have children, and orphans starve in third world countries. It doesn't really make sense, especially with the over population this world has anyways. I have a whole lot of opinions on why people are infertile to begin with, but I won't get into here.

But that's my opinion, and it doesn't bother me if people disagree with me.
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You are entitled to your opinion just as we are entitled to ours.

Now to the parts I highlighted in your stated opinion...

If a couple dreams of having four children and they can afford to go to a clinic to produce that fourth child, then that is their business. Whether other couples have children or not does not matter to the clinic. What the clinic sees is $$$. If you have the money then you are put in the line like everyone else who paid their $10k.

How do we know that the couple doesn't have the funds to raise a fourth child? As I stated in my first post: There are many factors not stated and therefore we do not know.

To be able to carry a child that is yours and your partner's alone is something very special. To look in your baby's eyes and know that they are part of you and the person you love most in the world is an amazing thing.

Yes adoption is an option. I have adopted cousins. Even my mom was adopted. I have no problem with adoption and would even consider it if I am not able to have a child of my own. To say 'take a page from Angelina Jolie's book and every other celebrity today' is fine, however they don't run into the red tape that most 'normal' couples run in to during the adoption process. Also, you might want to read up on Angelina. She has 3 biological children of her own at my last count.
 
Personally I would have the baby and then give it to the biological parents although if they didn't want it I'd gladly take it. I would come to that decision not just because of religious reasons but the fact that abortions can be dangerous to the body. I wouldn't want to risk getting cancer or not being able to have my own kids because of an abortion.

I think the couple in the article just had the third child through this clinic and then said that they didn't want to waste the other embryos (for religious reasons) that the clinic had prepared for them so they decided to try again.
 
Mirewen said:
I don't get it, anyone who has 3 kids is greedy for wanting another child? There is no way a person should have to think about infertile people when they are trying to conceive a child, that doesn't make any sense. So Jane Doe is infertile, everyone, stop making babies, its not fair!
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I didn't say it's unfair. I just think she should be thankful for what she has. I'm not saying anyone has to think about all the infertile people when they're trying to have children. This is a couple who has fertility problems.. thus they already know what it is like, and that's why they should be thankful for having three children already. I don't see what is so hard about that to grasp.

The FACT that they have three children should make them more motivated to help the other couple out. They already know what it's like to have a child, and now they can give this couple that 'joy' as well.

Jaide said:
You are entitled to your opinion just as we are entitled to ours.

Now to the parts I highlighted in your stated opinion...

If a couple dreams of having four children and they can afford to go to a clinic to produce that fourth child, then that is their business. Whether other couples have children or not does not matter to the clinic. What the clinic sees is $$$. If you have the money then you are put in the line like everyone else who paid their $10k.

How do we know that the couple doesn't have the funds to raise a fourth child? As I stated in my first post: There are many factors not stated and therefore we do not know.

To be able to carry a child that is yours and your partner's alone is something very special. To look in your baby's eyes and know that they are part of you and the person you love most in the world is an amazing thing.

Yes adoption is an option. I have adopted cousins. Even my mom was adopted. I have no problem with adoption and would even consider it if I am not able to have a child of my own. To say 'take a page from Angelina Jolie's book and every other celebrity today' is fine, however they don't run into the red tape that most 'normal' couples run in to during the adoption process. Also, you might want to read up on Angelina. She has 3 biological children of her own at my last count.
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I used Angelina Jolie as an example because she's a celebrity and she has just as many adoptive children as she has of her own. I know she has her own biological children, but I don't really care. The point is she has adopted children and that is why I brought her up. I could have said Mia Farrow too for all I cared, as she has adopted children and her own.

I don't think it is right that the adoption process is the way it is. I think half the money plunged into fertility programs should be put into adoption. I'm sorry that I think our society is pretty messed up that we'd rather try and make future children than take care of the ones already here. Before anyone jumps down my throat,no, I am not saying anyone in this thread believes this, this is my own personal rant and opinion.

I am not even telling people here what to do, so I don't know why the attack. I didn't say "hey everybody, feel bad about infertile people and stop having children because they can't." I didn't say "Hey everybody, no one should EVER have children because everyone should adopt" Hell, I don't even like children and want none of my own. Far be it for me to tell people what to do with their lives.

My point is, it is my opinion that this couple with three children are selfish. That's how I feel. I think they could have adopted. I feel that because they already have three biological children of their own they should be thankful for that, and they should be happy they're giving another couple a chance to have a child.

I respect everyone else's opinion, and in no way am I trying to say what I feel is 'the only way' to feel about it. I just don't see why mine has to be challenged. I'm not trying to get anyone to side with me, I'm just saying WHY I feel that way. I'm not even fighting against anyone else's opinion, because I feel that they are just as valid as my own.
 
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Zephayra said:
This is a couple who has fertility problems.. thus they already know what it is like, and that's why they should be thankful for having three children already. I don't see what is so hard about that to grasp.
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I'm not the one having problems grasping. So they have 3 children? They want 1 more. Why should that not be allowed to them? Did they say they weren't thankful for the children they already have? No. If they want more children, no one can tell them they should feel guilty for doing so or that they should adopt instead.

If you don't agree with people having more than 3 children, then by all means, never have more than 3, but that doesn't entitle anyone to tell these people they are greedy just because of their own agenda.

Edit: You're entitled to your opinion, I'm just stating why I do not agree with it. I don't think people should have children at all unless they are prepared. Period. This woman was prepared. Plenty of women who aren't prepared get abortions or give their children up for adoption (which imo is for people who cannot conceive at all). This woman is completely capable of bearing a child obviously, waiting years to adopt a baby may not have been feasible. The whole adoption system in general is completely messed up.
 
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Zephayra said:
How do we know that this couple has the financial means to raise another child?
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Well because harvesting eggs costs quite a bit... and then implanting costs quite a bit more.... and I believe some of these places charge for storage as well... I don't think they're hard up. Seeing that most insurance companies don't cover this kind of thing.

Zephayra said:
I just think she should be thankful for what she has. I'm not saying anyone has to think about all the infertile people when they're trying to have children. This is a couple who has fertility problems.. thus they already know what it is like, and that's why they should be thankful for having three children already.
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I think you're being unnecessarily hard on them. Who says they aren't thankful they already have three children? When did it become greedy or selfish to want another child of your own? They aren't taking anything from anyone else or depriving anyone of anything at all. Quite the opposite, they are bringing a life into the world just to be forced to hand it off to someone else.

Someone should feel like they *have* to adopt someone else's child rather than bring their own into the world? Like someone else giving up their kid and their parental responsibility somehow becomes someone else's obligation? The bigger problem in the world is not the parents that want to have a child and a family, it's the ones that are careless or ignorant and bring children into the world they don't want just to pass them off to someone else. If someone wants to exercise their own right to have their own children, they shouldn't be thought selfish for it as long as they are fit. Now little miss 18 kids going on 19 in Arkansas or wherever is a totally different story... but you get my point.

I'm all about adopting. People who can't have their own children do it all the time. Or people that don't want to put their bodies through pregnancy but want to love and give to a child. Or just someone who has a huge heart and wants to make a home for a child who wouldn't otherwise have one. It takes a special, loving person to do it. But I don't think it makes you any better than someone who chooses to bring a child into the world who is their own flesh and blood.

You're entitled to your opinion as much as the next person Zeph. I think the people responding don't see how you can call what this woman is doing selfish that's all. Donating your body to protect, nurture and birth someone else's child... and not by your own choice really... is about the most giving, noble thing I can think of.
 
This couple will have all of the money they need soon--they're going to sue the pants off of the fertility clinic that botched the implantation. Negligence, mental distress, any medical bills.... it's gonna be big.
 
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