Being pulled in 2 directions

[Dejavu]

Well i got an email this morning from a friends mom that was rather distressing. It told me basically that it was no longer worth my time to try and keep in touch with a friend of mine from when i was little.

I met Justin when i was about 3 or 4 cause we went to preschool together. We were fairly good friends basically until i moved away from Tennessee when i was 14 and i moved to Arizona (where i still live). Now i had heard that in his highschool times he was having some trouble with drugs and based on personal experience i had absolutely no doubt with that. But then i found out that he got his life back together and he was actually getting straight A's in college and everything.

Then this morning happened and i got this link at the bottom of the email and all of my hopes about my friend doing well are crushed.
http://www.wrcbtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8830134

I say i'm being pulled in 2 directions because i want to remember him as the friend that i had and not the monster that he sounds like he has become... But there is no way to forget or forgive what has been done and to a 2 year old no less.

To be honest i have been sitting here all morning just confused and saddened and i really dont know what i need to do to get over this.

 

[Brightblade]

Thats horrible man, I'm very sorry. I had a bestfriend get into meth and rob my house for over 30k worth of stuff while we were on vacation and he was supposed to be watching and taking care of my house, (I know its not close but along the same lines) and I to this day don't forgive him for what he did. What I do is remember the good times we did have and feel sorry for him and the road he went down latter.

In this situation I'd keep his family in my prayers (or your heart) and maybe contact them and be there for themI think that might help both of you get thru that a little easier, and have a little of your past still in your life without a lot of the bad feelings for the rest of your life. Good luck with this.

 

[Rappa]

It's a hard thing to experience when someone you've known for a very long time turns out to be someone completely different. There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking about all of the good times in the past. When they happened, he wasn't this person he is now. He was your friend, and you had no control over what happened after you moved away. No one did, really. Everyone is their own person, and some people just become bad people regardless of what life deals them.

It's perfectly okay to dwell on the good times in the past. That doesn't make you a bad person for remembering an old friend just because of who he became.

 

[Brightblade]

It's a hard thing to experience when someone you've known for a very long time turns out to be someone completely different. There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking about all of the good times in the past. When they happened, he wasn't this person he is now. He was your friend, and you had no control over what happened after you moved away. No one did, really. Everyone is their own person, and some people just become bad people regardless of what life deals them.

It's perfectly okay to dwell on the good times in the past. That doesn't make you a bad person for remembering an old friend just because of who he became.

Thats what I was trying to say, Rappa just does it better.

 

[Kairiboo]

Very sorry to hear about this. ;; But as they've said, nothing wrong with remembering the person who was your friend and the good times. Sounds like he's no longer the same person, and there is nothing you can, do or could have done about it.

 

[Princemercury]

On July 4th I lost a friend who I thought was "good", to a police shoot-out during an after party.

All i can remember of him was the person who wanted to achieve back in college. But what he did was stupid, and it was his decision. Now he's dead.

I'm not worried about nor do I miss him in any way.

Losing sleep over your story is a waste of time in my opinion. You have several other friends, better friends who are around.

Most likely Justin will never see life outside of jail again unless he pleads insanity or finds a loophole through the legal system.

Get over it, when it comes down to it, you're not being pulled in 2 directions, the only direction you can go is forward with your life and forget about those who made stupid mistakes to ruin theirs. Not yours.

Good Luck.

 

[Reeve]

When I was around 13 or 14, I befriended a girl who was a friend of a friend sort of thing. We spent a lot of time together hanging out and we became pretty close friends ourselves.

She had it rough. She was sexually abused when she was younger and her parents were verbally abusive and plain hurtful but despite that she was "pure in spirit" - thats the only way I can describe it.

She moved and I lost touch with her for a while. When I heard from her again, it was because she was on the verge of committing suicide. The girl who was going to wait for marriage was now sleeping with everyone (and I say that in the negative way / im fairly liberal about such things myself ) and abusing alcohol and other drugs.

It was rough... the woman was nothing like the innocent little girl she used to be. I dont know if it was something I ever got used to. I just let it go eventually because there was nothing more I could do for her.

 

[Arctyrael]

Remember the good times; they are the ones you will cherish the most in the end. I know this crap can happen anywhere, but it seems like some of the most heinous stuff I read about comes from Chatt. =(

Hang in there, life is about getting through the thick and thin.

 

[Linhjah]

i really dont know what i need to do to get over this.

Time. As with any other negative thing that has happened to you, it will take time. The path your friend chose is unfortunate, but, in reality, there probably isn't anything you could have done to change it. There probably isn't anything anyone could have done to change it. Just like everyone else, he is responsible for his choices. Anyone close to your friend who places blame on herself about the situation is not doing anything other than victimizing your friend and making herself feel shitty for no good reason.

I will also echo the sentiments others have expressed about remembering the good times. There is nothing wrong with that. Your memories are yours to enjoy and to grow and learn from... Memories aren't something to be judged, so stop trying to judge yours. You shouldn't invalidate your memories, nor should you invalidate your emotions.

Grieving for the loss of a friend is perfectly acceptable. And it sounds like you have lost a friend; the friend you used to have doesn't sound a whole lot like the man in that picture.

My heart goes out to everyone involved in this tragic situation. I'm so sorry.