Brain Cramps

[jender]

No matter how bad your foot-in-the-mouth moments are, at least most of us rarely look this dumb in front of so many people...



BRAIN CRAMPS

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"


--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

And . .

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

--Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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[Answa~]

lmao, great material, rarely have I laughed this much. :lol: :lol:

 

[Sneakypants]

My favorite:
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"


:lol: :lol: :lol:



...."And that foot is me" comes to mind.

 

[Sculli]

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

This could still make sense.
Half the game is ninety percent mental and ten percent physical. The other half is just goofing around.

 

[Rones]

Those are pretty funny.

 

[Lecan]

Indeed lol, very funny. I lawl'd at a few for sure.

 

[Dejavu]

Personally this one was my favorite... I can see her saying this publically and confirming what everyone believes. Bill only has one type of balls and they are not the type that stand up to his wife. (There the type that look for interns ^^)

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

 

[jender]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

This one is still my fav...I mean, not that we didn't already know that she was a shallow idiot - but it is still funny that someone would say this outloud. ^^

 

[Sneakypants]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

This one is still my fav...I mean, not that we didn't already know that she was a shallow idiot - but it is still funny that someone would say this outloud. ^^

When your intellect is shadowed by a box of rocks, anything is possible.

 

[Claxton]

Honcho belongs here, haha.

Not to steal credit, that was in Sindarkus's sig.

 

[Zaltana]

and some of those are/were our nation's leaders.....................im moving to canada before its to late. :lol: