CirrhOWNED

Legomyeggo

Legomyeggo

I know that's not normal.
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Hi. I think most of you know me as an asshole but I love you too. I normally am not one to talk about my problems freely, but I can't sleep and I think it's best if I get this outta my head now so if you're expecting one of my regular posts, sorry I can't really right now. So here's the deal. My dad is dead, or rather, damn near dead. He's an alcoholic, and after being a heavy drinker since as long as I can remember (I'm 19, so basically all my life and then some), he developed a disease named "Cirrhosis". It's a disease that, from what I understand, stops your liver from functioning due to scar tissue that builds up. http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/cirrhosis/ I'm sure Peregrine could explain it much much better than I could (and I'd very much appreciate it if you would, Ben). We have had to rush him to the hospital roughly 5 times now within the last 8-10 years because this guy is a crazy drinker. He doesn't stop. Ever.

Now don't get me wrong. He is for certain a heavy drinker, but he's, what my family calls, the pioneer of our blood line. He came from El Salvador to America at the age of 17 in the mid 80's with little money to his name, and by the early 90's, he was a very successful chef working for a very successful hotel in manhattan and had already brought over several relatives here that have become just as successful as him. He's an awesome guy. He took in my step-brother as his own son, and gave him everything his biological father couldn't. He's taken my step-brother and myself all around the world. He always invited all of the kids in our neighborhood bowling and took us all to amusement parks and all of that. He's the strongest person I know. Unfortunately, he only likes to view the world from the bottom of a bottle.

This last year has been a complete downward spiral for all of us. I ended up staying in highschool for an extra 6 months because of a lousy mistake, my father and I have gotten into countless fights several that injured me fairly bad, and some other shit that I'd rather not get into. Anyway, this is basically the icing on my cake of disaster.

I don't know his exact condition right now, but one of the nurses told my mother that there's virtually no hope for him. The procedure to halt or delay the damage to his liver costs a lot of green, and hospitals have some thing about operating on patients who will just end up fucking themselves over again. I know my dad will just keep on drinking if he comes out of this fine. No one has ever been able to stop him and I doubt anyone is willing to try again. We're all basically waiting for the day where he kicks the bucket. My mother says since I'm his only true son by blood, I will have the final say on everything that happens to him in terms of funeral ceremonies, division of assets and all that after death hooha.

Maybe everyone is just over-reacting and he's probably not in any danger at all, but after talking to my brother and mother face to face in over 3 years, I feel it's best if this does end up being the final chapter in his life. Also, I think some of you religous types would like to know that due to a several events that happened, I've renewed my faith in god. Something I'd lost a few years ago. I'd go into detail but I'd rather not. Maybe later on. I'll try to keep this updated, should this thread be highly read or whatnot.

Anyway. Thoughts? Suggestions? Hugs?
 
Oh, and I'm actually handling this all pretty well. Every once in awhile I'll cry for a few seconds, but I gather myself together quickly because I can't stand to see these people cry. That would just be hell.
 
Alcoholism is rampant in my family. My grandfather died of cirrosis and a "wet brain" which means he drank so much he sloshed his grey matter. His son, my father is an alcoholic and so is my maternal grandmother who is still alive, off the booze and a miserable person because of it. Try not to forget that alcoholism is a disease and he's sick with it. He won't stop because he can't stop and he can't help that.

I don't drink. I quit completely about two years ago because if there is any risk that I might become one of them, I want to avoid that completely.

I'm sorry he is going to die, and very soon it sounds like. Be strong for your family, it sounds like you are the one they lean on and are going to look to for support and guidence during a difficult time. Allow yourself room and time to grieve too, though. Remembering the good times helps, and knowing that he will soon be free of pain can help too.

My heart goes out to you, and if you need a friend to talk to send me a tell or a pm any time.

<<<<<<<<HUGE HUG>>>>>>>>
 
I really don't think there's any reason to be strong for your family. Doing that will just cause yourself more pain, while making everyone else depend on you, which can, quite honestly, be a pain in the ass during hard times. Hiding your feelings will only cause yourself pain in the end.

Do cry if you feel like it. Its your father for god sake, there's no need to put on a fake mask trying to hide your feelings. Crying is natural. One can say they work like the Phoenix's tears, in that it heals wounds. Only another type of wound.
 
Renewing faith in God is a great thing.

You people out there can say He doesn't exist and everything, but not one of you can deny that you were born denying the existance.

That and it's very noticable that if you try to let Him help you, usually you end up feeling alot better.

Back to the subject, I agree with Uzor. I'd be as nice as you can to your dad, but I wouldn't blow some huge sum on trying to save his life if you know full well he'll just keep drinking.
 
Oh yeah, about cirrhosis. I'm not really a doctor, but I'm fairly sure it's a pretty long lasting disease. It can take months to cause death.

Assuming he isn't already months in, that is.
 
I'm sorry to hear that Neo. It's good however, that you are taking it quite well and dealing with things ok. I do however agree with Uzor. Your father is dying. You can cry man. Not a soul in the world will look down on you for that. When a very good friend of mine got drunk, and died in a car accident, I cried. I couldn't help it.

Sorry again, and stay strong my friend.
 
And I can't see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
It's a long, long getaway, it's a long, long getaway

Make it home again

Make it home again

It's a long, long getaway, it's a long, long getaway
Thief - Our Lady Peace

I don't know what else to say. I don't know what I would do while faced with that situation. I wish you the very best luck in whatever decision you make. My first, initial, reaction was to do go with the surgery. Even though he may not make it in the end, sometimes people can change. He may see this as a second chance. You may have to remind him that this is his second chance.
 
There is no easy way of coping with watching a relative or family member in pain and dying.
It's not something you can just shrug off and hope it's not there.

Your father is dying and that is causing grief for you and your family. All I can say is, cherish the time he has left with you and your family. Heck, he's probably scared of dying...we all are at some point in our lives. He may have a good amount of time left, let that time be filled with laughter and happiness even if it's short.

There is no need for you to be the only strong one in the family. You don't have to hide it, you can cry if you have to or need to. No one will say anything to that. If you don't want the others to see you cry, then do it where they won't see you.

Be safe and I hope you and your family will pull through.
 
Really sorry to hear about your dad. My dad is also an alcoholic, if it helps to know that you're not the only one. You should be proud that your dad has done some really great things with his life. I hope that he pulls through and has the chance to see the bottle isn't the answer.
 
Hi Neo,

My heart really goes out to you. I know what it's like to lose a father, and if there's any bright side here, it's your finding your faith not gone, but only sleeping.

From your post, it sounds like there are a lot of similarities between the situation you're in now, and the one that I was in with my own dad, except my dad died very, very suddenly. A lot of things went unresolved between us, and for that reason, my advice is to spend as much time with him as you can. Make the most of every last moment you can get.

I have a few regrets still from things I said to my father that I never got the chance to apologize for, but I find comfort in the knowledge that the last thing he ever heard me say was that I love him.

P.S. Don't feel like you have to be strong for anyone. I did that and it nearly broke me. Cry when you need to cry.
 
I noticed you said you cry but quickly get back your composure, but I'd like to say... Letting it all out is really good (in one of those strangely bad ways).

Theres alot of stigma saying men don't cry, you're a pussy if you cry, but to be honest - Would you rather be an emotionless robot or someone with feelings? Thats what it comes down to.

Letting it all out can really help yourself come to terms with what's happened, and also to help speed up getting on and doing other things.

Edit: Wow it seems strange to me (having posted then read peoples comments) that the majority of people have said just to experess your feelings, rather than letting them oppress you. I guess this ultimately is less to do with your dad, and more to do with you as a person and how you cope with what happens.
 
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Is he conscious and communicable? (if that's not a word, it is now)

He sounds like a man's man, with virtues and honour being strongly emphasized during his life. I would ask him what he wants. In a state like this, people may be more clear-minded than when they're perfectly healthy. Provided there's no mental side effects to his current state, he will be able to honestly tell you face-to-face whether he sees merit in living on.

If he asks you to go for the surgery or whatever is necessary, do it. Even if he passes on during the process, he will die knowing you were doing your best to carry out his final wish.

If he feels he's accomplished all he can or will in this life, and asks you what nobody ever wants to be asked, you are the most suitable person to ask for a painless end.

If he is completely incoherent and you are unable to communicate with him, that's a real bender. Medical bills have been the deciding factor in many an ill-fated death, and you should feel no shame in saying no to the surgery. If he's in pain and faces a short life even after successful surgery, you do need to keep in mind that soon you'll be the man of the house and will need to take care of everyone else.

God speed, young jedi. What lies before you and what lies behind you mean nothing compared to what lies within you.
 
For the operation, you should look at what the different parties want. Does your dad still wanna go on, or would you do the operation just so your family could have a few more weeks/months/yearsmebbe with him? That was a tough thing my family ran into with my dad.

Crying is good, Even though someone said renew your faith in god, I actually kinda look away from that now. And for sure, if you think you're up to it, since your mom said you get to divide the assets and such, start figuring out what he's worth. America has a shitty estate tax system and it may be good to talk to a tax guy to figure out if any of the estate income can be taxed or not.
 
I'm here if you need me buddy, and trust me after just dealing with life changing shit, don't hold in your feelings man.. it just causes more problems, they are just going to build up and up.. I did that, it go to the point where I was breaking down in work after a while out of no where, just because I kept everything in and spoke to no one.. let it out bro.

How about some ribs?
 
We're still only a few days into the whole deal. I probably should've added that my father is in a coma so we're sort of just playing it by ear. There's not much word of anything but the general concensus is that he isn't going to make it. My mother recalled a situation in which my father told her that he wished to be cremated. I'm not a big fan of cremation to be honest. I foresee lots of things going wrong with it (The dinner scene in Meet The Parents comes to mind, haha), but if he really said that then I'm all for it. I've come to realize that I think I'm thinking too far ahead of everything, but I feel since I'm in charge of mostly everything now, I want to be able to give my family instructions without hesitation.

I know I've gotta let all this emotion out but I'm just waiting for a moment to be alone. My family has flown in to go through this situation with me. For awhile I thought I'd have to help my dad with little help from the people that I knew but once I gave news that I'd called the ambulance they all came out the woodwork. I can't seem to-- Oh? My mom just knocked on my door. My dad's dead. Hmmm. My tears taste salty. Whatever.
 
=/ dang, neo- I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not that good at this sort of thing, but i hope your family gets though this ok.
 
Aww, bro. I'm really sorry man..

You know where to find me if you need something.
 
I am sorry for your loss =( You and your family will be in my prayers.
 
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