Cookie Monster updated: Why stop there?

Duffman

Duffman

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A friend submitted this to me via email:

Meet the new, dietetically correct Cookie Monster
Geez, talk about sucking all the fun out of life. Cookie Monster will be cutting back on sweets as part of a new healthy eating program on Sesame Street. The googly-eyed, blue fuzzball will learn that "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food." What next, a song called "C is for Celery?"
Link (Thanks, jodyh)



This was sent to my usual circle of friends. Myself being bored at work came up with even more puppets/characters that needed updates.
Here they are:

Also do you all remember the AIDs activist muppet on the Brazilian version of the show?
Now Cookie monster is the "Gastric Bypass, bran eating-salad loving monster"

...but why stop there?...
Lets suggest to Children's Television Workshop the following "Updates" to thier existing characters:

Bert and Ernie:
-Should be allowed to get married. - It's important to the children that they understand
about sexual preferences at such a tender age. Never mind reading and writing. Teach them the real basics.

Oscar the Grouch:
-Renamed to "Oscar the Passive Agressive Monster-American". He can be allowed to keep his antisocial
demeanor just as long as the correct terms are used to describe his Angst of living in a Garbage Can on
a street where the damn kids won't stop singing thier ABC's

Big Bird:
-A perfect opportunity to teach our kids "How to come out of the closet". This can be a great tie-in with the AIDs
mascot in Brazil. Maybe he comes out after witnessing Bert and Ernie's "Public Union".

Snuffy:
-Snuffy is supposed to be Big Bird's imaginary friend. They updated him to where everyone can see him now. This
is a great way to show inform our children about drugs or pshycological issues such as, Mass Hysteria, or any
disorder where you could be "Seeing Things".

Elmo:
-Elmo needs an update. You'd think there was nothing wrong with this very young and innocent monster except
that he seems to have no parents. This is a perfect time to update this character to teach our children about Fatherless
and sometimes Motherless children. They need to have Elmo grow up over the years to show the results of such a
childhood. eg: gangs, drugs, robberies, sexual misconduct (be creative - the list goes on)

Count:
-I think the count isn't very PC. He only seems to count in English. We need the old "Uno, Dos, Tres // Ichi, Ni, Sahn //
Ye, Arh, Sahn etc. And isn't the Count a little offensive to Transylvanians Everywhere?

That Postman guy:
-He can teach us gun safety (that was just too easy)

I Purposefully left many out for you to add to the list. Our kids need your help.
---Duffman (was my real name in mail, changed to duffy for ya'll)
 
Mr. Hooper didn't really die, he happily retired and is now sweeping the
walkways of some cozy retirement home.

Also, to eliminate the propagation of autocracy, The Alligator King and the
King of Eight are now democratically elected representatives of the people
and state.
 
Very funny stuff Duffman. It reminds me of Maddox when he talked about the muppet with Aids. To anyone who dont know what i mean here it is http://maddox.xmission.com/muppet.html
But on the topic of actual muppets:

Grover: He can teach kids and parents why they should use riddline to help keep kids in line. Just a lil riddline (aka. perscriptive Speed.. yes Speed) and little Johnny the worlds most hyperactive child can become as slothlike as any other hyperobiessed(sp) child^^.

Kermit the Frog: Helping our youth to cope with anarexoria(sp) buy going out with those who are much heavier then themselves^^. We will learn that his retlationship with Miss Piggy is more of a crutch then anything.

and why limit ourselves to just Sesame Street Characters, why not other muppets as well such as:

Fozzy Bear: Learn to cope with your manic depression through comedy.

Gonzo: I dont know about you, but I know for a fact that he can teach us something about cocaine... i mean just look at his nose. He's had to have done a few lines in his time.
 
Don Music: His repeated self abuse over his inability to perform up to his self placed, unapproachable goals can teach kids about Anger Management and
setting realistic goals (i.e. getting a shit job, making shit money)

The painter guy who also played Mr. Bently on "The Jeffersons": His silent approach to the world and his need to constantly correct the english language with red paint can show children that Obsessive Compulsiveness can be applied positively to real world situations.

The Psychedelic Pinball Machine: No idea, but man that bit rocked !!!!!


...." a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter" ^.~
 
I was thinking "Maddox" as well.
I wonder if I just pre-empted him on the subject.
/em waits to see his next post is on this topic. :)
 
even as a kid that pinpall thing made my brain hurt.
still it's good memories.



123-45-678-9(10)(11)-------------------12!

Can't really sing it via typing...
 
Does anyone remember the King of Eight or the Alligator King?

Those were the best shorts in that show. That and "There are Chickens in the Trees"
 
OMG Chicken in the Trees was hilarous^^. I remember how funny that was not that i'm grown up. That and whenever Super Grover would come out^^ man was that fun lol. Or how about when they had that montage of how milk gets to your home from the dairy farm, the one with the kid incessiantly crying while a guy in the background would say MIIIIILK! then Bam! a baby cries WAAAAAAaaa. Ah man good times.
 
Carth said:
Does anyone remember the King of Eight or the Alligator King?

Those were the best shorts in that show. That and "There are Chickens in the Trees"
Click to expand...

Oh yes I know of the alligator king ^^

~well the alligator said to his 7th son "my son, you get the crown...."~

I was thinking here about another CTW wonder .........

lady_elaine.jpg


Lady Elaine Fairchilde.

Lets look at the facts here:
1)Butch cut
2)Red Facial Extremeties (Alcoholism?)
3)Manly Activities and Interests
4)Deeper Voice
5)Lives alone in a rotating Museum

Well, aside from point #5 (and #2 I guess) Im drawing a pretty obvious conclusion.

Was Fred Rodgers a visionary? was he praparing my generation for the
future acceptance of alternative lifestyles?
Or did he just happen to create such a gruff character to be the Yang to X the owl's Yin?

/ponder
 
:shock: whoa that's deep man.

great!



Remember the outtake where Mr. Roger's was setting up a tripod
for a camera or maybe it was part of a tent?

He was dropping more F bombs than tonnage dropped in WWII.
 
lmao ya the Vegetable Monster is his new name now...WTF!!! O well I dont watch that sh*t anymore anywayz, and hell if i let my kids watch it
 
asiamise said:
Lady Elaine Fairchilde.

Lets look at the facts here:
1)Butch cut
2)Red Facial Extremeties (Alcoholism?)
3)Manly Activities and Interests
4)Deeper Voice
5)Lives alone in a rotating Museum
Click to expand...
Haha, dude, you forgot the fucking boomerang!

"Boomerang, Soomerang, Toomerang!"
 
Carth said:
Haha, dude, you forgot the fucking boomerang!

"Boomerang, Soomerang, Toomerang!"
Click to expand...

OMFG i cant believe you remember that!! Pricelessm just priceless ^^;
 
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