Dealing with a drug addict?

Speaking from experience drug addiction is horrible. It really takes something to get you to turn away from it. Coke especially is horrible. One line, two lines, fifty lines is just never enough. You pretty much feel like superman. Trying to force him isn't going to work. Sadly his addiction will never be completely over; as he will have to have the will power to never touch it again when he finally does stop doing it.

How do you get him to stop I haven't a clue. The only way to really get him to stop is to get him to want to stop. He has to want this in order for it to work. I would probably still be doing drugs if I didn't get ratted on. I was in the Marine Corps. Doing coke, ecstacy and just about anythign else I could. It took some party where a Ssgt caught one person with it kicked his ass. This person then ratted on everyone. We all did some time. Doing the time wasn't even what made me want to quit. The reason I stopped was because I had joined to Marine Corps to join the best since my family has always been in the military. I wanted to be like all of them. I really always looked up to my dad. The very fact that I knew I had let my dad down was enough to make me take a good look at what I was doing. I have only smoked a little weed here and there since then; maybe had a few too many drinks every now and then also. As far as drugs go thats about all I do. As much as I was pissed at the guy who ratted on me; I am also very grateful that he might have just very well saved my life.
 
Sorry to hear about your brother, Myrhh :(

Only question I have on the matter is this:

I heard you mention that your mom has pretty much coddled him and bailed him out of sticky situations in the past. Does that mean she's also giving him cash, or is he holding down a job?

Sometimes the only solution that works is to let someone's downward spiral continue til they hit rock-bottom all on their own. If he's holding down a job and getting deeper and deeper into addiction, the job'll be goin away soon enough. If your mom's giving him money, she needs to stop. Period. Even if you're fully insured, write down the serial numbers on every single thing of value in the whole house, so that if he tries to pawn stuff for drug money, you can report the theft to the police and even press charges against him for theft - a possible route toward getting court-mandated drug counseling.

I agree with everyone else here that's been saying that he'll only quit when he wants to, but exposing him to counseling as well as the real life consequences of his addiction can't possibly help but to influence his desire to do so.
 
I didn't read past the first page, but tough love is usually the best way to go. If you have to rat him out to your parents or the police or w/e, do it. Its kind of a dick move, but if you end up saving his life or someone elses in the process, he will thank you for it in the future.
 
Point of interest: There is not a 12 step program that will take you if do not believe in a "Higher Power".

It doesn't have to be God, but you have to "believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity".

The whole program is about god and it's all a bunch of bullshit and doesn't work at all if you don't believe in god. The worst part about it is that it can be a MANDATORY part of your sentence if you are convicted of felony possesion of narcotics.

1. We admitted we were powerless over (alcohol and drugs)—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to (alcoholics-addicts), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Utter and complete bullshit.
 
skreb said:
I'm going to qoute trippy again, this is the most true statement made in this thread.
addiction is indeed a disease that needs to be treated medically/psychologically/spiritually. Most insurance companies would have you think otherwise because of the high cost of treating addiction and the high relapse rate. addiction is in a way an allergy to drugs some can use occasionally and suffer no ill affects, others once they start there is no stopping and no folks IT IS NOT A WILL POWER THING
Addiction is now recognized in medical journals as a disease how do you will a disease away? cancer cant be willed away Ms cant, high blood pressure cant they need to be treated. addiction once treated does not go away daily maintenance is needed to avoid relapse IE:at 1st detox, then rehab 30days min more if possible recovery house for 6 months to a year and attendance in a 12 step program.Myrrh i speak from personal experience this not a suggestion from some teenager <no offense guys> but the experience of a 44 year old man who has been through it although alternative methods have worked for some they are in the minority what i posted above works for the majority. PUTTING DOWN THE DRUG IS NOT THE SOLUTION FOR THE ADDICT BUT A START ,TREATMENT AND DAILY FOLLOW UP IS NEEDED TO OVERCOME ADDICTION.
the other thing in previous posts that rings true is this will only work when he is willing and ready to stop, intervention from family and close friend might be the catalyst that starts the process Myrrh you and your family are in my prayers and pm if you like ill give you my number and will be glad to offer help
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Addiction is a mental disease, although it does have physical manifestations, it is caused by mainly mental imbalances caused by drug use. You can will yourself to stop these, being in treatment is a form of willpower, not everyone can do it through rehab or treament that does not require some type of stimulus that helps you get off a drug, but I am sure many can.

Everyone handles addiction to substances in different ways. I had a friend who was only in high school but was doing many lines, many bowls, ex and drinking almost everyday. They have quit everything besides drinking and occasionally smoking pot, but I live in boulder where casual smoking is the norm really. And with both of those it isnt a compulsion anymore. She never went to rehab or any other type of treatment and has not touched coke or ex in over two years.

Myself personally handle addictive substances alot differnt than many people as well I am hardly ever completely dependent on a substance that can be very addicting, I just dont get committed to a drug ever. Its strange but its how my mind and body works. So if i do a drug recreationally it is just that.
 
Trippyhippy said:
Point of interest: There is not a 12 step program that will take you if do not believe in a "Higher Power".

It doesn't have to be God, but you have to "believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity".

The whole program is about god and it's all a bunch of bullshit and doesn't work at all if you don't believe in god. The worst part about it is that it can be a MANDATORY part of your sentence if you are convicted of felony possesion of narcotics.

1. We admitted we were powerless over (alcohol and drugs)—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to (alcoholics-addicts), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Utter and complete bullshit.
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trip i agreed with you on two previous posts but on this one i am going to have to disagree a belief in a god is not a requirment but a higher power is. this does not necessarily mean you have to believe in some sort of Deity although for some this is easier to do.i know atheists that don't believe in a god but do have higher powers such as the meeting themselves or people in the meeting that stay clean. if you ever read the literature from most twelve step programs they state "this a spiritual but not religious program" the word god is used because for most people it is easier to call their higher power that trip I'm not bashing you here from reading your posts i sense you are a very intelligent man you can look it up spirituality does not = religion and a belief in god is not necessary to get clean a higher power can be what ever works for the individual
 
Mattaru said:
Addiction is a mental disease, although it does have physical manifestations, it is caused by mainly mental imbalances caused by drug use. You can will yourself to stop these, being in treatment is a form of willpower, not everyone can do it through rehab or treament that does not require some type of stimulus that helps you get off a drug, but I am sure many can.

Everyone handles addiction to substances in different ways. I had a friend who was only in high school but was doing many lines, many bowls, ex and drinking almost everyday. They have quit everything besides drinking and occasionally smoking pot, but I live in boulder where casual smoking is the norm really. And with both of those it isn't a compulsion anymore. She never went to rehab or any other type of treatment and has not touched coke or ex in over two years.

Myself personally handle addictive substances alot differnt than many people as well I am hardly ever completely dependent on a substance that can be very addicting, I just dont get committed to a drug ever. Its strange but its how my mind and body works. So if i do a drug recreationally it is just that.
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"
Addiction

"Addiction is a primary, chronic, neurobiologic disease, with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. It is characterized by behaviors that include one or more of the following: impaired control over drug use, compulsive use, continued use despite harm, and craving."
i got this from this site.....
http://www.ampainsoc.org/advocacy/opioids2.htm
this might help too
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease_model_of_addiction
i agree with you but i think you have only part of the picture
again i speak from personal experience "been to hell and back" hint hint:wink:
as trippy mentioned "addiction is a disease" although my personal experience shows me it manifests itself physically , mentally , and although an abstract concept spiritually
but just for the sake of argument lets say its just a mental disease such as schizophrenia, bi-poler disorder,or even Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
would you say you could will thus away i think not
i believe some people are addicts they use drugs they lose and others like you can partake in a mind mood altering substance and suffer no ill effects you move on after the high wears off . then there are others that may have binged during a part of their lives and stop some can do this but my personal experience shows me they are not addicts suffering from addiction. a few but very few addicts that i know have gotten clean on sheer will power alone but i believe they are in the minority most need other help.
bottom line one thing i think we all can agree on is that myrrh's brother gets the help he deserves gets better and moves on with life and it doesn't have to be what i suggested i believe in what ever works is a good thing i just was sharing my experience because it touches close to home
 
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regardless of all of what has been said, a beating will be administered and another course of action has been added. i will be hospitalizing the person in question soon and a good long hospital stint may be just what he needs/ that and a beating from someone he respects... anyhow, fun
 
this sounds much like my older brother. the fool has been in and out of jail constantly since he was 16. he'll be 33 this september. my mother tried everything in the book to straiten him out. ass whoopins from my uncles, from her herself, correctional facilities and counceling. been there done that. you cannot help a person untill they want to be helped. i forget who mentioned it earlier but i fully beleive that it will take nothing short of a sences shattering life experience, felt first hand by your brother himself, to break him of his addiction.

addiction is a disease that is only cureable if the infected person wants the medicine. i know your pain i've lived with it my whole life just as you have. i love my older brother dearly. i have no doubt of your sencerity for wanting to help yours. but he has to do the work.
 
My heart goes out to you as I have dealt with people that were close to me that suffered from some addiction or another. I know this may sound like a run in the mill suggestion but, you can try a number of things:

Intervention: Gather a group of your closest family and friends that are aware of his problem and have a discussion about it, of course at his discretion. Focusing on his good qualities maybe a positive direction towards his recovery,..Im sure everyone with a problem has heard all there is to hear about how a addiction can ruin their lives as well as other degrading comments,.which would damage his/her self esteem;causing them to feel worthless.

Medical Evaluation: He obviously needs help,..but maybe his drug addiction stems from another source such as depression. Possibly treating the origin of this addiction may cause him to become conscious and aware that his life has taken a turn for the worse.

Tough Love: As many stated in previous posts,..this type of approach tends to hurt the ones that wish for the diseased to recover,..but sometimes its necessary. Let sometime go by,..and whenever he makes a request for money,he needs to be denied; he gets thrown in jail,leave him there for a couple of days. Its sounds harsh but sometimes it needs to be done.

I hope I was able to contribute in someway,...my heart goes out to you and I hope you and your family can get through this.

God Bless
 
In my experience as much as you want to be there to help someone, to keep them safe, to protect them; all you end up doing is keeping them from hitting rock bottom. I've delt with friends that were alcoholics, on cocaine, and one family member who was/is on crack and came to realize that I was an enabler. I would make sure they got home safely. I would watch them sleep to make sure they didn't choke on vomit. I would get them out of fights, hide them from people that wanted to kill them, and keep them out of jail. At a certain point it just became clear to me that as bad as things might be for them they simply weren't fully experiencing the negatives of there choices because I was there. Also that their behavior was very inconsiderate. Never were their thoughts "Man I am really ruining his good time by doing this.", etc.

I've made a choice that regardless of if you are family or friend there are certain behaviors I cannot support. In some situations me leaving the picture has ruined the friendships but ultimately it allowed them to hit bottom and they are the better for it. In some situations they are as bad as ever and have simply found others to coddle them and their habits. In some cases they are now in federal prison. In one case she lost all her kids and sits around with her sister and mother smoking crack to this day. She steals from family members, she lies to everyone, and all in all is a horrible person.

Hopefully your brother changes his ways but please don't allow him to risk your freedom or drag you down.
 
Well, he JUST got arrested now for assault with a deadly weapon while in a drugged up rage.
 
Myrrh said:
Well, he JUST got arrested now for assault with a deadly weapon while in a drugged up rage.
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Good god. What happened?
 
In my experience there is nothing you can do to help him if he doesn't want help. You will have to see him descend into those lower levels of user over the years. I hope it doesn't come to that.

I had a friend's little brother that came all the time to my house when I was in college to watch all the videogames I had and to play them. He was a good kid with the future ahead of him. One day he started using coke and over the years Ive seen his family work their asses off to get him out of it. But they couldn't because he didn't want to change. The advise I gave my friend was to cut off the ties his brother had with drugs. Like his friends or people that had access to the drugs he used. That didn't work either...

8 years later, Juan is homeless and I see him on my way to the office asking for money on the streetlight. ; ;

I hope to God your family have a different experience with your brother.
 
Not the way we'd like it to come, but hopefully your parents will decide to let him spend his time jailed for the time being until he can be processed and seen by a judge in regard to what charges are brought against him.

I'm going to stick with the cookie cutters and say that this will never stop haunting you guys unless he wants to drop it.

You bet your ass you can force him to stop, but that only lasts so long.

For those suggesting positive punishment; If he's amped up on a coke high, you're in for a hell of a ride...

At best beating his ass gets you nothing but arrested if he wanted to be ballsy enough to call the police on you provided you left some kind of mark or uh broken bones.

Idk you personally, from what I've seen, heard and know OF you, you seem nice enough with an emo streak across the spectrum. Just keep your cool and be real with him.

If he doesn't want to change, and you can't cut him off from you completely until things change...There's always perseverance in convincing him to change, but do him no favors that help him keep that habit.

You've my well-wishes and prayers that this turns out in a positive light for you and yours. Also that your brother learns something of this experience man.

Be well Myrrh and good luck.

- Lec
 
To paraphrase the best advice so far, you can't make him stop using, you can only help him if he decides to stop. Rock bottom is what it takes for many people to want to change, and you can help him see it, while making sure it doesn't kill him. Find out where he's getting the cash to support his habit, and cut it off. If he's stealing from your family, stop keeping cash around the house for him to steal. If it's mom giving him money, get her to stop. If he gets thrown in prison, pay his oversized cell mate to make your brother his bitch.
 
Myrrh said:
Well, he JUST got arrested now for assault with a deadly weapon while in a drugged up rage.
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good for him, glad to see he's going places (like jail) D:
 
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