Dear November and December: Eat Shit. Love, Lec.

[Lecreuset]

Quick Backstory: Met a sister I didn't know I had during my trip during the Summer while overseas, her husband and some other family that never met me. Also Stepmother's mom has been deteriorating over time landing her in hospice here around October/November.

The Past Four Days Up To Tonight:
Friday I wake up to a text message from my father suggesting I call my sister because her husband was murdered. He's a policeman and apparently the people who killed him knew this... He was leaving a Mosque after praying and was gunned down outside. I nervously called, not speaking a word of either language she's familiar with, and her with very basic English... Somehow I tried to comfort her. I kept trying to say things, but it just kept hitting me everytime I tried to open my mouth that what I was saying wasn't going to be understood. As I kept with that for a couple minutes, she begged me to fly over there which I can't do right now. I've got money, but not available this fast to me. My father could easily pay, but I've never taken a dime from him in my adult life yet and he's left me in charge of his affairs stateside for the time being and whatever engagements he cancelled his Florida trip for. I think that phone call was one of the worst feelings of being helpless I've had to endure so far.

Go to visit my grandmother that night and things are bleak. I heard of some very painful bedsores she had, and she couldn't speak really. Just move her lips and hearing air come out, if even. Hasn't eaten in over a week, whatever water she got was from an eyedropper, probably just enough to wet her lips... Idk, she had a small cough and Saturday it sounds worse as if there's phlegm or some kind of buildup when she breathes and she seems more disconnected when being spoken to. Tonight, I go and hang reading a book and I got to watch her pass away...

It's awkward, I'm not quite sure what to do.

I just know I'll be busy taking care of things here for my father and juggling all that with trying to attend my grandmother's service out-of-state.

Apologies if this is a wall-of-text or poorly typed.
I left out some finer details atm, simply because I'm tired of repeating them in my head over and over.
I don't normally air out personal business here, but I know some of you have endured much worse and I figured I could draw some of you out of the woodwork to share what made the days easier for you...
So far, I've just been keeping busy and the prospect of handling some presentations and attending some social functions in my father's stead has left me little time to dwell.

Thanks to Parn, Piru, Davion, and a few friends who don't read this forum for listening whenever.

 

[Anttaru]

I too met my sister late in life. About 2 years ago now. You probably thought of everything anyone can tell you, but I'll still say what I think about whats happening around you.

Maybe try E-mailing your sister using one of those translators. Excuse yourself for the poor translations and let her know how your trying to offer support the best you can. If you don't know her e-mail, do what you need to get it.

You seem to carry guilt for not being able to go see your sister. Let her know the truth and you'll most likely not worry about what she might be thinking. And also call her again even though it may seem pointless, just doing that will say a lot. Do go down as soon as you can. She should understand you have your hands tied, and she shouldn't blame you if you cannot see her right now. Of coarse getting a loan would assist you in getting this done, but the responsibilities you have are also there, so might as well save some extra money if your up for it.

Your Grandmother. That's is pretty tough for me to address. All I can say is your developing a very thick skin, which on the bright side will prepare you for upcoming life traumas we all endure on several occasions. Although she was suffering, and perhaps she was aware it was her time. All that must have went through her head, she had a loved one there to see her off.

In my belief ( Which is not religious by any means ) your Grandmother and Brother in Law are wide awake ( Or in resting, Not sure how it works exactly, but it won't feel very long to them ). Wide awake in a reality more real to the senses than this one, and all they experienced here will serve them in their new being. The meaning of life is for us to make ourselves. To be born again with wisdom makes for a supreme being.

As for you Lecreuset. It's easy for me to say, "November and December was indeed dramatic for you" as I'm not in your shoes. But these two months did induce what courage you have, and you'll be even stronger than you previously were, and that deal is sealed the first time you smile after an experience like that.

When it's all in the past, you may have a sense that you were fine tuned over this.

 

[bigbroon]

I can comment on the Grandmother bit, but that's about it. My Grandfather, who was 81, was diagnosed with throat cancer last May. He was struggling to eat because of the pain it caused, and was drastically losing weight because of this. When the diagnosis came, it was pretty obvious what the outcome was going to be, all that was left was to know how long he had left. The cancer had spread to numerous organs, and he had an operation to ease his breathing and to help his food consumption. As the months passed, his condition deteriorated, and he became bedridden. Eventually, he lost the ability to talk at all, they stopped feeding him, and gave him enough water to keep him hydrated. He died in August, on my Dad's (his son) 50th Birthday. It was tough to see a man who, at 81, was extremely mobile, deteriorate the way he did, but it was also a bit of a blessing that we had time to say goodbye, something not many people get to do.

It was tough, for a number of reason: the way he was before the cancer, the fact he died on my Dad's 50th, and of course the fact that he died at all. I can't speak for you, but my feelings were a mixture of loss and relief. I was sad that he was gone, but more for my father and my grandmother. I was relieved because I knew his pain was over. I feel like a stronger person since this happened, and I've become much closer (not that I thought it was possible) with my Father. As sad as these things are, there can be positives too. Hang in there, and you'll see that things will get better eventually.

 

[Uzor]

You say you're keeping busy with whatever, taking care of business and everything. While that can feel good as it leaves you little time to reflect over what's happened, it won't make you feel any better. All it will lead to is everything boiling over at once. Its much better to take some time off to reflect and let everything's that happened to sink in.

It can be hard in this time and age to find time to do it, but it is a neccesary step, and something you should consider doing.

 

[Calv/Godofdeath]

Sorry to hear bout this Lec. I know how you feel about this month. Good family friends wife recently passed away as well. Just know.. death only makes us weak for a few minutes. Then it makes us stronger, knowing that person and absorbing what we've learned from them. Keep in their Lec.

 

[Hexx]

Damn dude, sorry to hear this is going on. You usually come off as a really cheery guy, and seeing you like this really brings pain to my heart. I wish you the best, hit me up on here if you need to chat as well, I'm here for ya buddy.

 

[Rorschach]

I'm really sorry to hear that man. I too lost my mom to cancer (1 year now on the 29th) and afterward my grandmother 3 months after. I have an idea as to what you might be going through, you feel so helpless the entire time and even when you prepare for the worst its never the same as when it finally happens.

The best thing I can suggest is to stick close to your friends and whatever family you have left because they will be the ones that will help build you up when you need it.

 

[Blazeoffury]

Lec give me a call as soon as you see this man. My phone got broke, and i lost all my #s, and I'm here for ya, I've been in your shoes with the death, twice now. You know I'll always bee here man. Much <3 as always.

 

[Lecreuset]

Thanks for the words and sharing ya'll.
I'm seeing what I can do to make way up north for one funeral.
Had a ticket booked for Christmas Day, seems I gotta try and shoot for Saturday/Sunday now because of the weather forecast.
Driving to pick me up in that blizzard thing isn't too appealing to some.
Don't blame 'em though.
I hate driving in snow.

 

[Parnford]

Hey dude, and, yes, I DO check here once in a while. You know who your friends are, and we have your back. Live tosses all sorts of BS our way, its how God tests us. Be strong, hold your head high, no matter how dim things might look. Your friends care about you, and will always be there.