Ever felt like your Bible was too liberal?

[Xalioniaf]

Well, there's a movement out there to change that! Get ready to conservify your liberal, leftist Bible with the Conservative Bible Project!
A buddy of mine posted this, I found it hilarious. The changes they propose to the Bible are:

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Not all of them ridiculous, of course. But, all in all, it's delicious.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html
http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible_Project

 

[Halifirien]

Ah, the Conservapedia. They've provided me with many hours of amusement, looking at the world through their goofily distorted lens. They are the fringe-iest of the fringe, and the John Birch Society would send them letters asking them to relax. Cranking out a new version of the Bible where Jesus doesn't say anything about helping the poor is just the sort of thing those reality-denying douchebags could enjoy.

I'm also amused that they focus on the "emasculation" of Christianity. Anything that doesn't reinforce that their god is a dudebro who keeps women in their place is a threat. They should hand out copies at the next Promise Keepers rally.

Admittedly, as an atheist, I'm just as amused by people trying to live by the regular versions of the Bible.

 

[Valandil]

I have serious as to whether or not anyone working on this "project" can read and translate ancient Greek, much less Hebrew. I'm willing to bet they'll try to use the Vulgate as the end-all-be-all version.

 

[Tomasello]

I'm just as amused by people trying to live by the regular versions of the Bible.

Cause it's sooo bad to live your life by a book whose basic premise is to be good person?

Liberals love to bash Jesus and yet they have so much in common.

 

[Halifirien]

Cause it's sooo bad to live your life by a book whose basic premise is to be good person?

Liberals love to bash Jesus and yet they have so much in common.

Don't give me the "Liberals hate Jesus" bullshit. I make fun of the Conservapedia project because they don't trust the Jesus message about taking care of each other -- he's a liberal communist hippie, to way of their thinking. I don't have much of a problem with his teachings, although I take anything with a grain of salt when it's coming from disciples intent on proving their leader was the son of a god.

At any rate, you don't need the Bible to be a good person. Plenty of so-called Christians certainly aren't capable of it.

 

[Zoolander]

Cause it's sooo bad to live your life by a book whose basic premise is to be good person?

Liberals love to bash Jesus and yet they have so much in common.

Well I think one thing that turns a lot of people off of religion is the lack of following what Jesus even taught and their incredibly intolerant attitudes. Its almost like something many people use to hide behind, which is very disappointing and kind of a big joke. I know a lot of hardcore "christians" who just cherry pick what to believe in. I especially love the ones who constantly preach against gays in general and then fuck half the basketball team.

Of course, the message itself in the Bible is fantastic, regardless of being religious or not. I think people should read it and other influential texts. And of course as a disclaimer, plenty of religious people are good people that follow the actual teachings. I'm not christian and I still find the idea of a group rewriting the Bible to be offensive and just...lol.

 

[Tomasello]

Well I think one thing that turns a lot of people off of religion is the lack of following what Jesus even taught and their incredibly intolerant attitudes. Its almost like something many people use to hide behind, which is very disappointing and kind of a big joke. I know a lot of hardcore "christians" who just cherry pick what to believe in. I especially love the ones who constantly preach against gays in general and then fuck half the basketball team.

Every segment in our society has fringe elements but like every thing else 99% of people get stereotyped because of the behavior of the radical 1%. I see no difference between people who would want to "rewrite the bible" and I don't know for example people who want to try to reprogram gay people. They're both just different types of intolerant assholes.

 

[Cort]

Cause it's sooo bad to live your life by a book whose basic premise is to be good person?

Liberals love to bash Jesus and yet they have so much in common.

I'm not a liberal, and I love to bash on jesus. Well, mostly on his followers, `specially the one with the guy and his funny hat that have strayed from the good ideas "jesus" had. Or the ones who take bible literally...
rage.jpg

 

[Morcheeba]

The basic message in the bible is good and all, but over-all I don't trust it.

Like Hal said, I also take it with a grain of salt. Personally it would take a lot for me to become devout to mans word. It was written by men, re-written by men, and contains mostly opinions.

Leading a good honest life comes from within, you don't have to know anything about any teachings.

I'm catholic and strongly despise our teachings.

This spoof was funny to read, take it for what it is and remove the stick from your ass is my suggestion.

 

[Mirewen]

Sweet, more room in Heaven for me

 

[Rips]

I'm conservative and I don't believe in the Bible and Jesus at all simply for the reason that people's beliefs that it is real is so flawed.

The our way or the high way ongoing deal is a big turn off as well.

 

[Morcheeba]

I'm conservative and I don't believe in the Bible and Jesus at all simply for the reason that people's beliefs that it is real is so flawed.

The our way or the high way ongoing deal is a big turn off as well.

Yes yes and yes god damnit!

You do not need to go to some building (church) to pray. You do not need to pray to lead a good honest life.

It matters not because when we all die our souls come back as the type of people/creatures/things you were most hateful to in this life.

Reincarnation as karma lol. I'm coming back as a spider I know it.. =(

 

[Rips]

Reincarnation as karma lol. I'm coming back as a spider I know it.. =(

LOL. That's not good, I wouldn't want to go through it again as a non-human.

I don't believe in reincarnation either, I just believe when you're dead, you're dead.

 

[Celvantes]

/shrug. Times like this make me happy I'm Jewish. The Old Testament hasn't been revised or rewritten... ever, to my knowledge. We read it in the same language and even the same inflection and note as we did when it was first put down on paper.

'Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' and 'earn your bread by the sweat of your own brow' is conservative enough for me.

 

[Valandil]

/shrug. Times like this make me happy I'm Jewish. The Old Testament hasn't been revised or rewritten... ever, to my knowledge. We read it in the same language and even the same inflection and note as we did when it was first put down on paper.

'Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' and 'earn your bread by the sweat of your own brow' is conservative enough for me.

There are a few very minor rabbinical alterations to the Torah, but you are correct in that it has remained virtually unchanged over the past ~2300 years.