Fading Away, Nitram

[Nitram]

I'm a little apprehensive about this but I want some constructive critisism. This is the first poem/lyric I've writen out've school.
(i)
Time ticking and you cant stop it
You've tried all your life
But what you havent seen is catching up
and you cant help
you've given up.
(c)
You're fading away
into the black
You're fading away
and you're lookin back
(v1)
With regret in your eyes
and the dripping faucet.
Slip to the land
rembered in your locket.
(c)

 

[Nitram]

(v2)
Oh why cant it wait
a few more years.
Depreciating time
comes with more tears.
(c)
(v3)
Legends rise
and legends fall.
That was life
and there's your wall.

Sorry I had to split it, damn PSP. It's gonna get music attached soon. Think melodic rock building to thrash/speed metal.

 

[Ronith]

I like it, would sound good with that kind of music attached, kindof a melodic rock...ya I like that actually, Very well done

Looks like you got talent keep it up and maybe you'll be able to publish some of it... g'luck and nj again