Family does not come first any more

Novolo

Novolo

fake-jesus
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Sep 24, 2004
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Well Family always came first for me until tonight. They basiccly are going to fuck up my life just by my parents seperating. My Fiance lives back home where I'm from as well as my friends who supported me through out my life through some of the toughest shit i have gone through. Well my mom decided she was gonna move to Virginia after my sister gets married and my fiance and friends and dad will live in new york. This is fucking so difficult... half my life is in one place and the other half 8-9 hours away. I wana go home and see my fiance and be with her untill we end up getting married, but my mom will get completed pissed off if i did that. Im goin ape shit here i don't know what to do except blame this all on my dad, i dont wana talk to my dad ever again i even told my family that.
kladjfklasdjfjldf i wana punch a baby :\
 
I don't get it. Are your parents separating, as in planning on divorce? Or just that your Mom is going to live with your sister for a little bit or something?

I'm not really reading you here.
 
ill explain the entire story from teh beggining of about 7 months ago,

My dad got caught talking to some one and admitted to having feelings for her. So my mom and dad went to counseling... it didnt help my mom and dad agreed to seperate about a week ago, my mom and dad BOTH told me that it was for the better and that there was no one else..

Today my mom found a peice of paper on the bed room floor with a number and name on it.

My brother inlaw CALLED it and got a voice mail for another woman

My mom questioned my dad and he confessed

My dad is moving out to see other woman and thats whats goin on.

This after my dad told me last night that he would be moving back in 2-3 weeks from now.... my mom and dad are legally seperating now and after my sister gets married my mom and sister are moving to virginia :\
 
You talk about family not coming first and yet you're still with a part of your family... All I can see from this is that when your parents decided to seperate, you decided to stay with your mother and move to Virginia when she does and your father, fiance and friends are still in New York?... I'm more or less confused on where the hell you're at now than the family dispute... Only thing I get out of it is that you're in support for your mother...
 
Why exactly would your mom be pissed if you move in with your fiance?
 
I would say move to your fiancé. This is what happens when you grow up.
You seperate a bit from the family you are born into and get closer to the family you create yourself.

And why on earth would she be pissed about you moving to the girl you are about to marry? Its ok to be supportive of your mom in a time of need but not until the point where you shoot yourself in the foot.

And about your dad, its ok to be angry and dissapointed but cutting him off completely just never is a good idea.
Sure he should have been honest and whatnot from the start but I bet its not that easy to leave a woman you had a life and kids with even when you feel that the love isnt there anymore. Problems like this can only be solved through honest communication.
 
Adulterous people who lie about their infidelity until they are exposed are scum, and cannot be expected to be trustworthy or contant in other areas of their lives. It's one thing to fall out of love with a person or in love with another, it's quite another to maintain the facade because you have no balls or sense of common decency. Your loyalties rightly align with your mother, however being asked to uproot your entire life to show these loyalties is an over-reaction. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to decide where/how you live.
 
When I first read it, I thought that his mom would get pissed that he was moving to new york. Albeit this is where his fiance lives, but it is also where his father lives. So his mom might think that he is picking sides, know what I mean? But this is only an assumption based on what I read
 
Im stationed in California when i go home i wont get to see both of them ill have to see one of them.... if i visit either one of them it will most likley piss the other one off, and my mom moving to Virginia is her not even thinking. On top of that I may be getting medically discharged and my mom would get pissed if i went back home to live and not virginia. My dad was a dick growing up i would never want to live with him the only reason i want to go any where near the east coast right now is to spend christmas with my family while there together and see my fiance but thats probly not gonna happen cuz my mom and dad are kaput

I prbly should labled the thread something along the lines, "Fuck my dad", because hes the one i don't want anything to do with any more :|
 
Just go live with your fiance? Your mom'll get pissed? Oh noes, she's getting pissed that you're going to live with your fiance. What a dilemma, wanting to be with them or living with your mom.
If you can support yourself, there shouldn't even be any trouble making a decision.
 
Lukas said:
Adulterous people who lie about their infidelity until they are exposed are scum, and cannot be expected to be trustworthy or contant in other areas of their lives. It's one thing to fall out of love with a person or in love with another, it's quite another to maintain the facade because you have no balls or sense of common decency. Your loyalties rightly align with your mother, however being asked to uproot your entire life to show these loyalties is an over-reaction. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to decide where/how you live.
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A person who does something wrong does not have to be a bad person.
Im not saying what he did isnt terrible thing but just because a person makes one mistake, one thing wrong, doesnt erase what they were before.

No matter how you look at it hes always gonna be his dad. He will always be the person who once loved his mother and lived a life with her.

The OP has all right to be angry but shutting someone out of your life is a big a decision. A decision that should not be made when you're angry and dissapointed.
 
I told my Mom today that i wasnt wanting to see my dad ever, and he got on the phone crying saying he was sorry for what happend and what he has done..... i didn't know what to say i told him i loved him and he cryed and hung up the phone and my mom called back to talk to me... wow.. wow. wow. wow. I have never heard him cry ever.... >.>
 
To be honest this is really between your mom and your dad. I don't know your parents but there is probably a lot going on behind the scenes that you don't know about or ever will. Its like that with every relationship. Its why both of your parents were okay with seperating. You don't have to like whats taken place, or even agree with it but you have to accept it

The worst thing parents can do when they split up / get divorced, is to put the children in the middle. "Oh well if you want to spend time with your father, then you don't love me" and shit like that.

Frankly, your rant started sounds like it came from a whinning little child who didn't get what he wanted. "waaaah ... my parents are having issues which I don't understand and they are seperating for a while so they can be happy but I am going to cry because it ruins my life and all I can think about is me me me me". Thats not fair to either of your parents.

The second worst thing to happen is for the children to put themselves in the middle. "Mommy and daddy split up because they don't love me" or "Mommy and Daddy split up because I was bad".

The next thing on the list is for the child to put one parent or both in the middle like you are doing here.

Like I said, there is probably a lot more going on behind the scenes than you know about. Maybe there was friction and arguements that you didn't know about. Maybe their love life sucks and your dad caved to temptation. Who knows... but your parents do, and thats why its up to them to do what makes them happy.
 
actualy im not whining, i want my mom to be happy she deserves it but my mom just made shit hard on me by deciding what she did, i dont wana be put in the middle but there doin it:\
 
Akron said:
A person who does something wrong does not have to be a bad person.
Im not saying what he did isnt terrible thing but just because a person makes one mistake, one thing wrong, doesnt erase what they were before.

No matter how you look at it hes always gonna be his dad. He will always be the person who once loved his mother and lived a life with her.

The OP has all right to be angry but shutting someone out of your life is a big a decision. A decision that should not be made when you're angry and dissapointed.
Click to expand...

It depends on the situation. I can say that I've been through a fairly similar situation to the OP, culminating in the barring of a family member from my life completely. It's a decision which I have not regretted. Someone mentioned it earlier - at the end of the day, a loving family may not consist of people you're related to.

Having said that, I don't know the OP's story completely. I was just imparting my personal experience (I should have clarified that more >< ).
 
Novolo said:
actualy im not whining, i want my mom to be happy she deserves it but my mom just made shit hard on me by deciding what she did, i dont wana be put in the middle but there doin it:\
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The only person putting you in the middle is you. You're acting as if you go to New York, that your mother will become pissed at you because your father lives in the same state your Fiance...

Honestly, if you can't stand up to either one of your parents just because they are your parents then you really need to grow up... Your parents made the decision to part ways, just because they are no longer together and no longer in the same state doesn't mean you are forced to love one more then the other. I'm sorry that your plastic bubble of "happiness" was just popped, but hey... welcome to reality!
 
you should be happy for dad and not try to punish him for doing what makes him happy. regardless hes still dad.
 
i talked to my dad today and he told me he wants to go back home.... and hes sorry :\
 
What your parents do is their business, and their business alone. To be honest, an internet forum isnt the best place to divulge this kinda stuff (airing dirty laundry as they call it). If you are stuck between family and your future spouse, choose your fiancee because odds are she will be around longer than them. Your parents separating sux, but hey, its life unfortunately, and like Reeve said, there may be more stuff goin on in the background that you werent made aware of. Youre old enough now to take care of yourself and make your own decisions, so no matter who gets mad at you, blaze your own trail man! Its your life, so live it as you see fit! Best of luck
 
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