Getting a divorce

[Eilistrae]

On Wednesday my husband told me that he wanted a divorce. I had no idea that things were bad at all. He just dropped that bombshell on me. I am so upset that I don't really know how I am feeling. I honestly thought he and I would be together for the long haul, but we couldn't even make it to our 3rd year anniversary, which was yesterday. We plan to keep living together inspite of this. He is still my bestfriend even if he has no feelings of love for me. I am not really sure how well it will work out, but it will be better than the alternative.

I have my family supporting me and giving me advice. I guess I am lucky in that respect. I just can't see the future anymore... it is hard enough right now to face the present.

 

[Morcheeba]

I don't want to add any negativity to your situation but if I were you and this does come to divorce, I would take a step back and go my separate ways, at least long enough to properly heal. Although there is no rule, I believe for every year you were with someone you need half that time to get over that person.

You'll need time to get over him and living with him, best friend or not, you'll just be allowing yourself to suffer. Unless of course you bounce right back but if you are in love with this man, it's not likely that would happen =(

I'm sorry to hear of your hardships. I couldn't imagine.

I hope everything works out for the both of you, I hope for your sake you do what you need to to stay healthy.

 

[Cinnisbellum]

 

[Zaltana]

I know how you are feeling Eili. My ex-girlfriend ended our 8 year relationship last month because she placed her drinking buddies from work ahead of me. this time last year we were planning out future, but soon as she got her own friends she pulled a 180 on me telling me she wanted to stay there for fear of losing her friends if she moved. my head still spins when i think about it.

i also agree with morch. my ex and i didn't part on exactly negative terms, but i didn't leave right away and over the course of the days before i left it just got harder and harder to stay in the house with her. Many people told me i should have returned to Louisiana sooner then i did, and looking back i feel they were right. if he wants a divorce and you go along with it give each other some distance. I know you're on your heels with this happening so suddenly and you want to hold onto what you have remaining. but staying in the house with him will eventually boil into something worse.

 

[Reeve]

Eilistrae, I am sorry to hear that. Has he seemed 'down' lately or frustrated. Its possible that its something outside of your and hte marriage that is stressing him out and he just needs to figure some shit out. I read a story like that once where the husband just went off and did his own thing for like a year and one day he just snapped out of it and came back home like nothing was wrong.

Zaltana -- I'm also sorry to hear about your issues but in your case, perhaps its better that you get the chance to move on with your life and not be held back by someone who doesn't respect you in the ways you should be respected.

 

[Zaltana]

yes i have moved on. I still get the nostalgic pings because i have it my all the whole time. but I moved back home to Louisiana as quick as i could (i made sure i was home for the Saints vs. Vikings game ).

 

[Raesvelg]

/comfort Eili... ;.;

 

[Morwen]

These people are right Eli. If you're feeling no need for this divorce and you stay in that house with him... you'll go crazy. You'll constantly be trying to keep things as they are, or it'll just get ugly. You need time to step back and heal, like Zaltana did (I had no idea Zalt, I'm sorry to hear that). Ultimately that will be the decision that is best, for both of you.

 

[Misi]

Eli. I'm so sorry. For some reason it seems to be the fad lately for couples to break up out of nowhere with no real explanation. My 8 year relationship ended recently, and I was told I could still live with him if I wanted to. To that I said, Hell no! If he doesn't want to be married to you anymore, you shouldn't stay. I hated the idea of having to start over, and it still isn't easy but you'd be torturing yourself staying there like that, that is basically telling him its ok for him to treat you that way.

Over all you got to do whats best for you.

 

[Elemmire]

I really don't get why people can be so stupid :\ why they enter relationships so immaturely and never seem to talk about the problems they have openly or their feelings. That's at least what I seem to be getting outta your post, Eilistrae and I see it so much. It really sucks and causes so much pain for at least one person (if not, both).

As for Zaltana, that bitch sounds like she didn't deserve a relationship and immature as hell >.> I hate people like that. Guy or girl, putting friends over a lover is stupid. Sure, you should get to spend time with friends, but if you guys are planning something together, that takes precedence :| she seems like she didn't deserve you and you're better off with someone so immature and selfish.

I hate how so many people these days get into relationships when they really shouldn't because they don't have the right mentality for it or don't realize the work required for it :\ bah...

 

[Eilistrae]

I want to stay to keep my house. Otherwise we have to sell and I will have to live with my parents 55 miles away from work.s

 

[Romper]

I want to stay to keep my house. Otherwise we have to sell and I will have to live with my parents 55 miles away from work.s

Or he could move? Find an apartment in the area? There's options, but you can't be in that house as you don't necessarily know what has happened to have him have such an about face in his life. You could find out terrible secrets that you don't wish to know.

It also pisses me off when people are just like yeah, remember that promise I made you three years ago? Yeah... about that I can't keep a simple promise. I'm sorry that it's happened to you, Eilistrae.

 

[Elemmire]

I want to stay to keep my house. Otherwise we have to sell and I will have to live with my parents 55 miles away from work.s

Then in the divorce make his ass move out :| he wanted to bring this thing outta nowhere, he should have to go move and find something himself elsewhere.

 

[Morcheeba]

Then in the divorce make his ass move out :| he wanted to bring this thing outta nowhere, he should have to go move and find something himself elsewhere.

This.

Eil, it's your house now girl. If he wants to call an end so abruptly and with little reason or explanation to you, make his ass move out. He can be inconvenienced as he just shook the ground under your feet. Fuck that, tell him to pack his stuff and start looking, you really are going to need some space if you guys can't/don't work through this =(

 

[Takumifujiwara]

I will be skyping you about this. I know the situation pretty well. Be strong elli.

 

[Shirai]

Don't know you really well and I don't really know the situation you're in or how you are feeling.
But I will say I wish you all the best and hope that your life will take a positive turn again soon.

That said, even though I am a forestander of talking and writing things off your heart I am not too sure if a public forum is the best place to do it.

 

[Uzor]

I would strongly advice against living together. It will be hard on the both of you, more so for you than him. You may think it will be easy, but I can guarantee it will not. It will take you a lot longer for you to get over him if you see each other every day.

As for the house, I'm not entirely sure how the law works in the states, but I'm rather sure that if you bought the house together, you'd be forced to sell it unless he don't mind you keeping it

 

[Elemmire]

In the states, especially if you're a woman, you can pretty much get anything in a divorce. I have seen many women get houses that the man had the only signature on the lease with and vice versa our justice system kinda sucks (and is, admittedly, sexist).

 

[Alereth]

In the states, especially if you're a woman, you can pretty much get anything in a divorce. I have seen many women get houses that the man had the only signature on the lease with and vice versa our justice system kinda sucks (and is, admittedly, sexist).

I've seen the woman walk away with the house the man built with his own hands...

 

[Myrrh]

So, Eili....wanna touch my penis?