Getting married at 19 :O

Or maybe they never existed o.O
 
Alyada said:
It's a biiig step, Novolo.

I suggest living with your future spouse for a year or so to get a feel of how marriage will be.

Congratulations, nonetheless.
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Whatever you do Novolo, don't do this!

Couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. It's fact. As a nurse, i had to take courses on Family Development, and living with a girlfriend before marriage spells disaster.
 
you're getting married at 19
i'm getting a bald spot at 22

fuck-a-doodle-doo
 
Zephayra said:
And 100% of all marriages end; either in divorce or death.
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yep and it's actually now that there's more unmarried couples than married, the number one reason couples divorce is because of finances
 
Anglis said:
Whatever you do Novolo, don't do this!

Couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. It's fact. As a nurse, i had to take courses on Family Development, and living with a girlfriend before marriage spells disaster.
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Heh, most people who specialize in that field have more family problems than people who don't. That's also a fact, as much as yours at least.

You gotta take all of these marriage "facts" with a shit ton grains of salt. You can only study things that -have- happen but marriage and the relationship that follows is simply unpredictable. And hell, while I called you an idiot (Nov), earlier, you could actually manage to come out lucky and have a wonderful life.

The reason I called you an idiot is because I was in your exact same shoes at 18-19 with a girl I had been datin' for almost two years. I'm glad I just got a cold heart toward the last few weeks and decided to cut her out of my life as a whole. Little did I know but, for me, listenin' to my Dad, was the right thing to do. At 19 I didn't know what love is, and most people probably don't. I didn't know what love really was until my nephew was born two years ago, despite knowin' I loved my Dad and Sister every day of my life. I didn't know what lovin' someone you didn't have to was, I guess is a better way to put it. I realize these days I've never loved a girl I thought I did in my entire life. Every relationship I have now, serious anyway, gets to the "Do you love me point" and ends because I'm always of the mindset of "I like havin' you around but I could also live without you."

Distance is the worst thing in the whole "love" feeling. The further you are from someone and the longer you go without them only makes you feel that, what I like to call, "fake love" even more. You want to get them tied down so you no longer have to worry about them runnin' off with some other fella while you're not around and all of those fun things to think about. The right thing to do is to finish your service, or whatever it is that distances you, and if she's still waitin' and never tries to push you to not do your duties you signed on to do first, then she's a keeper.

So, basically, from a guy who has been in your exact same situation, don't do it, at least right now. Live a little and hell, stay with her just don't get married. If you're worried about her runnin' off because there is no lawful commitment then that's just bad beans. Let's even say you do actually really love her, how do you know she really, truly loves you? Wait until you see something, could take years, months, days, you never know, but never take her sayin' "I love you" to be the truth.
 
Good luck with your marriage. February is pretty close. Young marriages can work but usually they don't. Also make sure that both of you are doing it for the right reasons. Marriage isn't for everyone and it is a lot of work at times. It might not seem like it at first but you will be getting used to being around a person 24/7. Also, sharing bills will cause you to look at your mate's spending habits more closely. Money is usually the main thing that most couples argue about. Most of the people in my family have married young (some early as 16) and they never divorced so it can work although rare in this generation. Good luck to you and your fiance with planning the wedding and your life together. Wedding planning can be stressful in itself.
 
Anglis said:
Whatever you do Novolo, don't do this!

Couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. It's fact. As a nurse, i had to take courses on Family Development, and living with a girlfriend before marriage spells disaster.
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not always buddy. I've lived with my GF for the past 4 years and i know for certain we will be getting hitched in the future. I think marriages fail cause people don't know what they want going into them or they have preconceived notions that usually don't add up and they run away from them.

IMO when elph and i get married the only thing that will really change is her last name. we already fuss at and drive each other crazy. just makes the sex better. :cool:
 
You can't say "do this!" or "don't do this!" when dealing with something like relationships because everyone's different. You've got those who feel they won't know someone until they live with them first, and others who just feel like they know what they want.
My opinion on the topic aside, I congratulate you.
 
me and xali are getting married too ! (I got some herpes to give him on the honeymoon ;\)
 
Zaltana said:
not always buddy. I've lived with my GF for the past 4 years and i know for certain we will be getting hitched in the future. I think marriages fail cause people don't know what they want going into them or they have preconceived notions that usually don't add up and they run away from them.

IMO when elph and i get married the only thing that will really change is her last name. we already fuss at and drive each other crazy. just makes the sex better. :cool:
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Hey I'm not saying that it has a 100% failure rate haha. It's just usually not a good idea. I also said it went for people already married, not stopping people from getting married.

Me and my girlfriend thought about it, but decided to stay in separate living arrangments till marriage, which is next July!

Goodluck though, like I said, it only ups the chance of divorce by 19% in an already high divorce rate country, which is 51% right now.
 
Strid said:
Heh, most people who specialize in that field have more family problems than people who don't. That's also a fact, as much as yours at least.

You gotta take all of these marriage "facts" with a shit ton grains of salt. You can only study things that -have- happen but marriage and the relationship that follows is simply unpredictable. And hell, while I called you an idiot (Nov), earlier, you could actually manage to come out lucky and have a wonderful life.

The reason I called you an idiot is because I was in your exact same shoes at 18-19 with a girl I had been datin' for almost two years. I'm glad I just got a cold heart toward the last few weeks and decided to cut her out of my life as a whole. Little did I know but, for me, listenin' to my Dad, was the right thing to do. At 19 I didn't know what love is, and most people probably don't. I didn't know what love really was until my nephew was born two years ago, despite knowin' I loved my Dad and Sister every day of my life. I didn't know what lovin' someone you didn't have to was, I guess is a better way to put it. I realize these days I've never loved a girl I thought I did in my entire life. Every relationship I have now, serious anyway, gets to the "Do you love me point" and ends because I'm always of the mindset of "I like havin' you around but I could also live without you."

Distance is the worst thing in the whole "love" feeling. The further you are from someone and the longer you go without them only makes you feel that, what I like to call, "fake love" even more. You want to get them tied down so you no longer have to worry about them runnin' off with some other fella while you're not around and all of those fun things to think about. The right thing to do is to finish your service, or whatever it is that distances you, and if she's still waitin' and never tries to push you to not do your duties you signed on to do first, then she's a keeper.

So, basically, from a guy who has been in your exact same situation, don't do it, at least right now. Live a little and hell, stay with her just don't get married. If you're worried about her runnin' off because there is no lawful commitment then that's just bad beans. Let's even say you do actually really love her, how do you know she really, truly loves you? Wait until you see something, could take years, months, days, you never know, but never take her sayin' "I love you" to be the truth.
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Of course it is and I won't disagree with you. Anybody working in the medical field has higher divorce rates because of stress, and schedules. Thats why nurses have to take that course so they know what they're getting into.
 
I was engaged at 19 too. Then while overseas, my fiance did what most would hope with utmost certainty she would not do.

Congrats, but really be sure you're ready. If you feel like you're not, make sure you communicate that with her and you will have a successful and happy relationship.
 
Good luck, in all aspects of the life coming up.

Yes, *all* of them.
 
Anglis said:
Whatever you do Novolo, don't do this!

Couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. It's fact. As a nurse, i had to take courses on Family Development, and living with a girlfriend before marriage spells disaster.
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That's friggin insanity!!

I don't care about stats, it's the same as entering a marriage without first having sex with said person... INSANITY, you'll never know (until it's too late) whether you're compatible.

You NEED to know how it'll be to share financial responsibilities, and you NEED to know whether you're sexually compatible.

My god the sheer number of mistakes waiting to happen if the masses went by your theories lol... I mean no disrespect.

*** Too Add, like Zalt, I have lived with my bf of 9 years for the past 5.

**** Also, I think for the most part, the majority of new divorces are ppl who don't think they need to WORK at marriage, which again is madness and plain naive thinking.
 
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Morcheeba said:
That's friggin insanity!!

I don't care about stats, it's the same as entering a marriage without first having sex with said person... INSANITY, you'll never know (until it's too late) whether you're compatible.

You NEED to know how it'll be to share financial responsibilities, and you NEED to know whether you're sexually compatible.

My god the sheer number of mistakes waiting to happen if the masses went by your theories lol... I mean no disrespect.

*** Too Add, like Zalt, I have lived with my bf of 9 years for the past 5.

**** Also, I think for the most part, the majority of new divorces are ppl who don't think they need to WORK at marriage, which again is madness and plain naive thinking.
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Hey you don't have to take my advice! Most people these days don't take good advice, which is why divorce is at an all time high.

If you think you have to live with the person to know you're sexually compatible, then something is wrong. If you have to live with someone to know you can get along, then something is wrong. That is what is wrong with society. People know how to get together, but not how to stay.

It's called working stuff out before you get married. Knowing what the financal stability will be. Knowing you can afford to get married. If you have financial problems, why get married?


I'll say it again, nobody goes by that theory anymore, and btw it's not just my point of view like you state. I'll say it one more time, if what I believe is so insane, then why is divorce rate so high, when in society now, cohabitation is so popular before marriage? That started in the 80's when divorce rate sored. Go figure, since 2003, cohabitation actually went down, and the divorce rate stabilized.

Love how everyone who's been living with there gf/bf for 4+ years are the ones to bash me, but they're not married. Get married then stay married for 5+ years then come back to bash me. I didn't say it was 100%, but the majority. It's not insane. It's true and im stating facts, and what I believe to be not very good advice. Doesn't mean I hate your decision.
 
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