help me

[Westyle]

I don't know what to do. I'm back in college and I have no money. I just spent it all on tuition and books. I can't find a job. I have to start paying child support she's trying to get what I have to pay nearly doubled. I don't know what to do. I can't find anywhere to work. I'm scared and I'm sitting here crying. I feel like my life is ruined. I feel so alone. She keeps telling me to come see her but I can't drive that far. I don't know why she won't understand I can't do this. I can't drive across the state at the drop of a hat because she wants me there. I don't want to be around her. I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking stupid I wish I could just die. I can't find any help on the internet, everything just makes out guys on child support as criminals. I never asked for this. I wish I never met her. Why do I deserve this? I never hurt anyone in my life and took shit from people all the time growing up. Why can't things go my way for once? I just wanted to finally make my way in life. Now I'm going to be in debt to this woman I can't stand. I don't know what to do. I feel so scared and alone right now.

 

[Hexx]

Nothing much you can do about the child support, you will owe that money to the child you helped conceive no matter what. As for her increasing the amount that she wants, there are plenty of websites that provide materials for dads who don't have the money to pay for a lawyer that you can use to fight her request. Your main argument here should be "Why?" "Why does she need more money on your part?" Nothing in this world ever goes completely our way, but you're a father now, buck up, grow some balls, and accept responsibility for that child man! If you can't afford to pay child support right now, then speak with the D.A.'s office, let them know you're a college student with no money save for what you get as financial aid for school and thats it, the D.A.'s office can't squeeze blood out of a turnip, and will most likely either A) make an arrangement with you, or B) assist you in finding work so you can pay said child support. But none of this is possible if you dont stop whining like a little kid man. Shut up, grow up, get up, and get on with it! JOO CAN DOO EEET.

 

[Acutie]

This is some pretty heavy stuff, but I'll try to help. First off that is a brutal situation, second off, don't give up. If you don't give up, you will get through it. She can't take money you don't have. All you can give is what you can give. She doesn't own you even though she will probably try to. You are your own man and if you are determined, you will focus on your school, you'll finish and get a job and things will get better.

It's gonna be a struggle every step of the way and you need to come to terms with that. You'll probably be fighting for a long time, but if you don't give up, it won't beat you. Take deserve out of the picture. You probably don't deserve it, maybe you do, but either way it doesn't matter in the long run.

Don't wish. Time spent wishing is time wasted. Look for your friends and family and find as much support as you can with them. Become successful and make your way in life. It's not too late, it's never too late.

 

[Zyndara]

The economy is rough as hell on everyone right now, and though I know that's no consolation, a judge isn't likely to think you've been sitting on your ass unless you've been... sitting on your ass. You can't change the past, what's done is done. All you can do now is move forward.

For starters, keep track of your contacts from interviews and places where you've submitted a resume. This even means careerbuilders.com or ads you've answered in the paper/online. If she takes you to court (or when), you should be prepared to say "Here are all the places I've attempted to find work and have been so far unsuccessful." No one will argue that point to you. And you should, if you have not already, seek out an attorney. You are entitled to legal rights as much as she is. If you can't afford one, look up legal aid in your town. Know your rights and you can't be bullied - and you DO need someone to represent you because you will be bullied.

I agree with Hexx to say that now is not the time for faint-heartedness. This is the time when you see what you're really made of. Center yourself, do the right thing, and don't give up. Swallow your pride, do some research to utilize what resources are available to you (some kind of public assistance if need be), and do the best you can. Life just keeps on trucking so you need to as well... Good luck with everything; I hope things turn out ok.

 

[Dejavu]

So choice number 1: Join the Navy.

As I grew up I never really had any interest in the military, however my friend's dad was in the Navy and retired as a Master Chief so the military played a major part in his life. He too at first did not plan on joining the military but he has a graphic design degree like me and has bills to pay and a wife to take care of. He decided this would be best for its job security and benefits. He had recently began encouraging me to join and telling me about all the benefits to get. I want success and I want to get out of my parents' house. For having a degree I would start out as an E-3 (for those that don't know, that basicly means you automatically get promoted 2 ranks/paygrades ahead of everyone else just enlisting) I'm also kind of naturally smart, I graduated Cum Laude, and he believes I would do very well in A School.
Now I know a lot of you are in the military and are like FUCK YEAH but I'm a bit of a quiet and passive person. This brings me to my fear of boot camp. My physique can easily be described as so: 5 years of my life belonged to FFXI, the rest was shared between Wii, PS3, PS2, PS1, N64, SNES, and NES. I think I would be pretty much starting from the bottom in terms of physical fitness. The benefits do sound really nice though, plus I may be able to be stationed near two of the closest friends I've had.

From an earlier post of yours... I would say that it is time to look deeper into this option. Maybe you can go into the officers program after you finish up with your current degree.

 

[Acutie]

Yeah he's right, the military is very good for situations such as this.

 

[Mirewen]

She can't take money you don't have.

Not according to judges unfortunately. One of my friends was slipped something by a girl he couldn't stand but was obsessed with him (he was with his girlfriend for 4 years at the time), not only did the girl get pregnant, his girlfriend broke up with him. He was forced to pay child support even though he was only 19 and did not have a job at the time (his parents ended up having to pay it). And before you say "Sure he was 'slipped' something", the girl was hideous and his girlfriend was hot, there's no way he would have done that willingly.

 

[Westyle]

The whole purpose of me in college right now is to get more hours in science and math for this employer my dad knows where he worked. I don't if it will work out or not but its supposed to which will be a government job. From there, if it doesn't work it's back to scratch. Even though I'm very afraid of the Navy, it may come to that.

Thank you for your responses, I don't like to sound like a whiner but its hard for me sometimes.

 

[Hexx]

Not according to judges unfortunately. One of my friends was slipped something by a girl he couldn't stand but was obsessed with him (he was with his girlfriend for 4 years at the time), not only did the girl get pregnant, his girlfriend broke up with him. He was forced to pay child support even though he was only 19 and did not have a job at the time (his parents ended up having to pay it). And before you say "Sure he was 'slipped' something", the girl was hideous and his girlfriend was hot, there's no way he would have done that willingly.

No, the government cant take more than what you need for your own sustenance, more than likely his parents paid it to A) have access to the child, since a grandchild IS a grandchild after all, and B) to keep him from having to make huge back payments in the future (i've heard they suck after interest and whatnot).

 

[Mirewen]

Yes, they can. The government is completely unfair in what it expects from a man. My dad raised 3 daughters on his own after my mother cheated and ran out (one of which wasn't biologically his, but was my mother's from her first marriage) and she paid NO child support. The first article of clothing that wasn't a hand-me-down or second hand was when I was 15. They think that men can afford to pay for everything, but the woman gets off scott free.

I'll find some examples later, it's late right now.

 

[Ecks]

Mire is actually quite right. When it comes to child support and the like, women are favored a lot more than men. Unless the woman in question is a criminal or has had previous experiences being in jail or prison, most judges tend to be on the Mother's side of the story. It's not always fair.. but I see a lot of this in my line of work. Guys are always getting in trouble for child support.


West... man, I really hope you are able to work your way out of this bad situation. But, other than what I've already said there's nothing more I think I could say that would make a difference.

 

[Illyria]

I could write an entire book on my experiences with this and oddly enough I have seen it from all side.

When I lived with my dad for 2 years my mom did have to pay child support and the situation as a whole nearly killed her. About the time I went to live with my dad (by my choice which is a whole other story) my moms partner also left her leaving her with a house payment plus a large income loss. If my grandparents hadn't helped her out she probably would have starved to death.

I have also seen a very good friend kinda go through what your going through Wes. He eventually lost his parental rights because of the way things work in the start she lived in. It all started when he lost a good paying job and had to take a low paying job but it takes a miracle to get your child support reduced because of that. Most people are surprised to find out as a woman (not a mother lol) that I would support men being treated the same as women because of this. I think its a stupid system. Just hang in there man and I'll be thinking of you. Best of luck and be strong.