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I'm going to give anyone with a weak mind or no sense of humor about 20 returns to get out of this thread now.
Still here? Good.
These quotes were something I stumbled upon on another message board. Apparently, they surfaced on Ashlee Simpson's message board hours after her SNL debacle. They constitute some of the best comedy gold I've seen on the Internet in months, and I now share them with you. Enjoy.
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, OWNER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE - HEY PENCILDICK, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU MADE A WOMAN SING WHILE YOU THRUST YOUR SORRY EXCUSE FOR A WARRIOR'S GREATSWORD INTO HER GAPING MAW? I RECALL ONE OF THOSE TIMES I CAME ACROSS ONE OF YOUR LAME EXCUSES OF A LOVE AFFAIR, ONLY TO DRAG HER TO A MOTEL SIX AND GIVE HER A RIDE ON MY INTENSELY MEATY MUSHROOM. SHE WAS SO ESTATIC, SHE STARTED SINGING, 'OH HOLY NIGHT," ONLY SHE NEVER GOT TO HOLY. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. CECIL, YOUR TECHNIQUES SUCKS WORSE THAN MONICA LEWINSKY HOPPED UP ON BILL CLINTON'S COCK ON A BAD DAY. I WOULD ADMIT THAT I PLUNGED MY IMMENSE PEVLIC REDWOOD INTO THOSE HOT, DRIPPING ORIFICES ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. SORT OF LIKE THE NIGHT I HAD WITH YOUR MOTHER ON A MIDSUMMER'S EVE. SHE WAS ASTOUNDED WHEN I WHIPPED OUT MY LUMBERING MAN-MEAT AND MADE MY WAY WITH HER WHILE I RECITED TO HER PORTIONS OF DANTE'S INFERNO IN LATIN. SHE SCREAMED SO LOUD, IT CAUSED THE NEIGHBORS TO ORGASM. I GUARANTEE IT.
GEORGE ZIMMER LIVES
10/25/2004 4:43:09 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, BABY, I WILL BLOW LIKE A SHOTGUN THROUGH YOUR UTERUS. IT'LL SHOOT OUT YOUR EARS BEFORE YOU CAN SAY BEEF JERKY. MY COCK SHOULD BE DOING PILE DRIVERS ON YOUR TONSILS WHILE YOU HUM MOZART'S MAGIC FLUTE. YOU'D GET SO SOGGY WET WE'D NEED A MOP. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:45:12 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AND I WANT TO BEND YOU OVER A PING-PONG TABLE AND FORCE YOU TO READ HARPER'S BIZAAR WHILE I VIOLATE A SERIES OF YOUR ORAFICES. I'LL COUNT EACH PLUNGE OF MY INVADER IN GREEK. YOU'LL COME SO HARD YOUR NOSE RING WILL MAGNETIZE. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:47:20 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE ASHLEE OUT FOR A PICNIC IN A PARK, LIE HER DOWN COMPLETELY FLAT ON THE PICNIC BLANKET, BALANCE A PABST ON HER BACK, AND RIGOROUSLY VIOLATE HER FROM BEHIND - QUIZZING HER ON BASIC GEOMETRY IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE HAS A MOUTFUL OF A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND ANTS CRAWLING INTO HER ARMPITS. SHE WILL CUM SO HARD HER FACE WILL MELT LIKE THAT NAZI ASS IN RAIDERS. I GUARANTEE IT.
CUNT
10/25/2004 4:49:32 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
SHE'S GOT THAT ENORMOUSE JAY LENO JAW WHICH MOST PEOPLE DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE BUT THAT LARGE JAW ALLOWS ME TO CRAM EVERY FAT INCH OF MY GROIN EGGPLANT DOWN HER THROAT WHILE TEARS STREAM DOWN HER FACE AS SHE TRIES TO LIPSYNCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. IF SHE BLACKS OUT, I JUST FLIP ON SPORTSCENTER AND CRACK OPEN A PABST ON HER BUCK TEETH. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:52:59 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, I'D LIKE TO BEAT YOUR CHEST WITH MY ENORMOUSLY HEAVY, THROBBING PELVIC CROCODILE UNTIL I GEYSER A HUGE WATERFALL OF STICKY BABY DRESSING ON YOUR FACE. I'LL MOP IT UP WITH MY THICK HEAD AND SLAP IT ON YOUR LIPS SO THEY DON'T CHAP. YOU'LL CUM SO HARD YOUR DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBORS WILL NEED TO CHANGE THEIR SHEETS. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:58:57 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU BETTER START PRACTICING WITH 2 LITER COKE BOTTLES BEFORE YOU RECEIVE MY EXUBERANT EPIDERMAL CORDAGE. MY AMPLE HEAD TEEMING WITH MAN HOOCH IS SO COLOSSAL THAT GOD TRIPS OVER IT. I GUARANTEE IT.
Still here? Good.
These quotes were something I stumbled upon on another message board. Apparently, they surfaced on Ashlee Simpson's message board hours after her SNL debacle. They constitute some of the best comedy gold I've seen on the Internet in months, and I now share them with you. Enjoy.
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, OWNER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE - HEY PENCILDICK, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU MADE A WOMAN SING WHILE YOU THRUST YOUR SORRY EXCUSE FOR A WARRIOR'S GREATSWORD INTO HER GAPING MAW? I RECALL ONE OF THOSE TIMES I CAME ACROSS ONE OF YOUR LAME EXCUSES OF A LOVE AFFAIR, ONLY TO DRAG HER TO A MOTEL SIX AND GIVE HER A RIDE ON MY INTENSELY MEATY MUSHROOM. SHE WAS SO ESTATIC, SHE STARTED SINGING, 'OH HOLY NIGHT," ONLY SHE NEVER GOT TO HOLY. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. CECIL, YOUR TECHNIQUES SUCKS WORSE THAN MONICA LEWINSKY HOPPED UP ON BILL CLINTON'S COCK ON A BAD DAY. I WOULD ADMIT THAT I PLUNGED MY IMMENSE PEVLIC REDWOOD INTO THOSE HOT, DRIPPING ORIFICES ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. SORT OF LIKE THE NIGHT I HAD WITH YOUR MOTHER ON A MIDSUMMER'S EVE. SHE WAS ASTOUNDED WHEN I WHIPPED OUT MY LUMBERING MAN-MEAT AND MADE MY WAY WITH HER WHILE I RECITED TO HER PORTIONS OF DANTE'S INFERNO IN LATIN. SHE SCREAMED SO LOUD, IT CAUSED THE NEIGHBORS TO ORGASM. I GUARANTEE IT.
GEORGE ZIMMER LIVES
10/25/2004 4:43:09 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, BABY, I WILL BLOW LIKE A SHOTGUN THROUGH YOUR UTERUS. IT'LL SHOOT OUT YOUR EARS BEFORE YOU CAN SAY BEEF JERKY. MY COCK SHOULD BE DOING PILE DRIVERS ON YOUR TONSILS WHILE YOU HUM MOZART'S MAGIC FLUTE. YOU'D GET SO SOGGY WET WE'D NEED A MOP. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:45:12 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AND I WANT TO BEND YOU OVER A PING-PONG TABLE AND FORCE YOU TO READ HARPER'S BIZAAR WHILE I VIOLATE A SERIES OF YOUR ORAFICES. I'LL COUNT EACH PLUNGE OF MY INVADER IN GREEK. YOU'LL COME SO HARD YOUR NOSE RING WILL MAGNETIZE. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:47:20 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE ASHLEE OUT FOR A PICNIC IN A PARK, LIE HER DOWN COMPLETELY FLAT ON THE PICNIC BLANKET, BALANCE A PABST ON HER BACK, AND RIGOROUSLY VIOLATE HER FROM BEHIND - QUIZZING HER ON BASIC GEOMETRY IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE HAS A MOUTFUL OF A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND ANTS CRAWLING INTO HER ARMPITS. SHE WILL CUM SO HARD HER FACE WILL MELT LIKE THAT NAZI ASS IN RAIDERS. I GUARANTEE IT.
CUNT
10/25/2004 4:49:32 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
SHE'S GOT THAT ENORMOUSE JAY LENO JAW WHICH MOST PEOPLE DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE BUT THAT LARGE JAW ALLOWS ME TO CRAM EVERY FAT INCH OF MY GROIN EGGPLANT DOWN HER THROAT WHILE TEARS STREAM DOWN HER FACE AS SHE TRIES TO LIPSYNCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. IF SHE BLACKS OUT, I JUST FLIP ON SPORTSCENTER AND CRACK OPEN A PABST ON HER BUCK TEETH. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:52:59 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, I'D LIKE TO BEAT YOUR CHEST WITH MY ENORMOUSLY HEAVY, THROBBING PELVIC CROCODILE UNTIL I GEYSER A HUGE WATERFALL OF STICKY BABY DRESSING ON YOUR FACE. I'LL MOP IT UP WITH MY THICK HEAD AND SLAP IT ON YOUR LIPS SO THEY DON'T CHAP. YOU'LL CUM SO HARD YOUR DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBORS WILL NEED TO CHANGE THEIR SHEETS. I GUARANTEE IT.
10/25/2004 4:58:57 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU BETTER START PRACTICING WITH 2 LITER COKE BOTTLES BEFORE YOU RECEIVE MY EXUBERANT EPIDERMAL CORDAGE. MY AMPLE HEAD TEEMING WITH MAN HOOCH IS SO COLOSSAL THAT GOD TRIPS OVER IT. I GUARANTEE IT.
