How to tell if your son is a hacker!

[Bustaballs]

http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

Can't.. stop.. laughing...

 

[Xalioniaf]

This is a joke right?
6. Does your son use Quake?
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

Yeahhh....

 

[Bustaballs]

Don't make me DOS your command prompt! I'll even unplug my modem and telnet your command prompt in my linux.

 

[Mai Ikari]

"8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War."

...yea, I'd say it's a joke. >_>

 

[Xalioniaf]

Don't make me DOS your command prompt! I'll even unplug my modem and telnet your command prompt in my linux.

Too 1337 for me to handle! <<Self-Destruct>>

 

[crookedmidget]

I lol'd @:

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

 

[Legomyeggo]

the comments are hilarious

 

[Andreus]

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

Oh no! I break the 30minute computer usage law in school! Heavens forbid im DOSing someones PC!!!

 

[Arianelle]

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

Glow sticks and pacifiers. ROFL!
And Bonzi Buddy = hax?

I am REALLY hoping this article was a satire. It just HAD to be.

In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.

Oh... and he forgot to put mIRC in there. I remember when I was accused of being a hacker because I surfed RPG channels on mIRC...............

 

[oraga]

I Lol'd more at the comments. Good find.

 

[Tyrath]

Comments are too good!

 

[Trippyhippy]

So...

1. Use AOL
2. Flash is BAD and leads to jail time.
3. Video Cards and RAM are for HAXXORS ONRY!
4. Books? BOOKS!? We don't need no stinking books!!!
5. You can't hack anything in less than 8 hours. So 45 minutes is all you need. Now get out there and do drugs and make babies.
6. Quake is for hackers onry.
7. Acting like a normal teenager really means your a Hacker.
8. Linux is also hacker onry.
9. Pacifiers aren't to keep ravers from breaking teeth, they help hackers... be ... pacified?
10. Longterm comp use leads to prison, or schizophrenia.

Anyone else notice the topic was "Internet Idiocy". How fitting.

 

[Xalioniaf]

Anyone notice the poll on the side?

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Poll[/FONT]

[FONT=arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] I'm scared of hackers because...
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They hack into NASA[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 5% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They steal things[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 4% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They are violent sociopaths[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 4% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They use amphetamines and speed[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 7% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They help Osama Bin Laden[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 14% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They're un-American[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 5% [/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They smell bad[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 58% [/FONT] [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Votes: 11015[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

 

[Shintroy]

omg I just became a hacker is wearing a day-glo yellow shirt!!1
Oh noes!!!!!!1

 

[Gordo]

this must be a Jk
but if for some reason is true.........mmmmm
guess my parents aren't that bad after all