- Joined
- Dec 13, 2005
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- DestinEnlacere
and I'm sorry that I have for so long.. This morning is the morning I finally suck it up and explain one of the most deceitful ... being... I have ever come into contact with with regards to real life, other online games/forums, and of course FFXI.
Anyone who knows me knows most of this already, but I feel I am obligated to inform the community.. the Reality Sinks In... post I made confirms I truly should.
Though this hurts, and in no way do I feel any form of superiority or the such, I do feel a bit... relieved. It is a burden I have held a long time.
This is a long read, and I am still a bit emotional over it all so it won't be the easiest read but I can swear to you on it's honesty and accuracy.
Back in November, I was having a hard time losing a friendship over an arguement with my friend regarding her new relationship. I went from companionship 100% of the time to zero... While my frendship with others strengthed slightly, I needed more a companion, someone I could invest my time in (perhaps invest isnt the best word.. but I can think of no others) who will stick with me, friend or more, for however long we remain able.
After the Myrrh incident, I thought dating may not be up my alley online. (to those of you who say "lolonline dating" consider the fact you meet on similar grounds, you react on how you truly feel, with no real fear of rejection, and you see their personality, not their face and body figure.. mutual interests and plenty of time together..) Then I met the most amazing person I had ever met (at the time I truly believed this.. so I will speak feelings as present tense) and all my previous problems melted away. I fell instantly, and according to her, so did she.
We spent a lot of time together in the end of november and through December, we got to learn a lot about eachother's RL. We spent around 14-18 hours a day, every day together. (neither have jobs irl due to circustances I will not be mentioning, rl is rl.. I won't implant that here) There were times when other friends of mine would ask to see me for a quest or ask me if I needed any questss (friends like helping friends, I never asked so people offered.. <3 you guys..) but I usually said no, enthralled by my love for this person. I admit to being ignorant in the dating scene though I have had many, many relationships rl.. I never once cared for any of them.. they were simply "let's try it and see if it works" or ones based on my inability to accept being alone. (had few friends.. no time for them between school and work) So she sucked me in.. and according to her I too enthralled her.. We were a perfect match.
As well all know however, nothing is ever perfect. First came the arguing.. and admit, as almost all of you know I have a fiery temper and low patience at times. We'd argue over the dumbest things.. Never truly horrid arguements but each one hurt as anyone who has argued with someone they loved knows. Simple promises became lost in the wind.. any promise she made she broke.. we were nearly through. then Christmas came around and it was truly about to end.
For some reason I cannot fathom I refused to let it.. I pushed and pushed, apologizing for things I had no reason apologizing for.. Even she stood to say much of it was her own fault, that I was right.. but to me that was a way of her trying to leave (though it was true more than not) so I fought harder to keep her to stay... Then she tells me she has a confession. (You all know its coming and many of my friend tried to warn me from the start...)
She's a He.
Well.. Yeah. All this time, all this affection, all everything.. under a lie.. but before my brain even begins to process I say its fine. And to me.. it almost is.
I think back to the nonintimacies... to the conversations, the fun we had, the simple joys we shared.. and I fell in love with the PERSON the personality, the character of this person.. so I let it drop and we remained a couple, keeping his gender a secret, even from my closest friends and I am so sorry to you all for that...
I should have known then.. that not only the gender but seemingly everything else.. the entire person... was fictional. After this he changed.. becoming a bit more distant, going from spending all our time together to seeing eachother every couple days, for a few minutes.. he obsessed on leveling Whm, completely blowing me off while exping. (while no real problem to most.. we did everything together then all the sudden I was nothing.. it was a rather unpleasant change)
The lies poured from his mouth like a top notch lawyer for a tobacco firm arguing that cigarettes can't kill you. Every day it was a new lie.. Trust became razor thin (I don't have any excuses as to why I even bothered but.. heart > brain for a long while...) and arguements got worse.
The biggest topic of interest became her friends.. who as I saw it were ruining our relationship (somehow it can go into the negatives) and nothing but problematic.. He argued incessantly in their defense (which in a way is sweet I guess) and put them before me every time.. which is and will forever be unacceptable to me with anyone. (Your fiance should come first, though that is not a topic to argue right now) The arguements were killing us.. (us individually, not as a couple.. that was basically dead) and the lies kept piling up.. absolute inability to form compromises also didn't help. Then, he went out of his way to stuff another nail in the coffin.
He cheated on me... with one of my better friends..
Now while i can sympathize for -anyone- in a relationship so haphazard.. there is never an excuse in any situation ever to cheat on someone.. And of course he did it under the guise of being female, hurting this person a good deal upon finding out.
Yet again, I was horribly stupid.. I attempted to keep hold of the memories which were by now beginning to fade but I fought still.. Then he constantly went out of his way.. practically stalking this girl.. taking her to nice spots and even letting her wear -my- opaline.. the set I bought for him. (when he was a "her" that is)
So finally it was done.. I was sick of it.. I spoke to the friend whom kept me informed on every single detail of every encounter with him and found he was constantly trying to "get in her pants" and always complained about me, saying things about me, making up things I supposedly said about her to try and turn her against me.. (she had none of it.. and happily helped me along the process of deciding to boot him for good)
So I did. We split, I said it was done.. and it was.. Though we attempted to remain friends... even through ALL the slew of lies.. the deception, the cheating.. all of it.. (I know.. I was very very stupid...) though I asked him, based on his mining and manipulating of a Goldsmithing friend he was pulling in incredible gil.. that he pay me back the gil he accepted under the pretense of not only being a female, but staying with me. (don't give me any crap about I gave it freely and it was my own fault.. I know, but I asked anyhow) I pointed out the fact I would -never- have wasted my gil, nor my countless hours had I known it was not only all a lie, but short term.. (bad example but think about endgame.. you give a whm a nobles hoping they will stick around.. if they split you count it as a loss, but you can ask for it back) and he accepted. He made to begin on it, and I mentioned it would basically all be spent to further my Clothcraft.. and all the gil I got from him, I sent to my crafting mule.
Well a short time later I was leveling Sam and I managed to buy a pair of Fuma for 1.5m and Jujitsu for the same price when both were still 1.6-1.9 area.. Nich freaked out about me "wasting" my gil to buy things when it was supposed to go to crafting.. We'll not spend time mentioning I sold all my lower level HQ armors that I had muled to make room, let alone that every day I pulled in 300-500k profit from crafting.. so he refused to move on paying any more and I believe an exact quote was "So yeah, I'm going back on my word again ^^"
This finished it, it was a lie too many and I had by then grown away from him enough to not want to see him or his name anymore anyway. A liar, a cheat, and a thief. Quite the package in this person.. I think that is literally the epitome of what disgusts me in a human..
Do I miss him? No.... I don't.. sometimes I miss the times we had, and sometimes I wish we could still talk like we used to because he was so caring.. he was always willing to listen to my shitty day... or so he seemed.. Now I look back and wonder if it was all a lie from the start, even the love.. I never doubted it (I said I did, but I never truly -felt- it until more recently.. seeing him wearing gear he very obviously didnt earn.. I am led to believe he is leeching off of someone else.. This must be common practice.. use and leave? He did everything he could to push me away.. maybe it was to make the theft seem coincidental.. and seeing how it was I who dumped him.. it didn't look like he was the thief he is.. but this disgusts me.. thinking someone else is being used, lied to, and stolen from. (I know, if they fall for it they deserve it right? cause we are all immaculate and never make mistakes? mhmm)
So I'm sorry Nichole.. er.. Greg.. er.. Nichole.. but I couldn't keep this quiet any longer.. Seeing you sitting in what I once, and my friends once considered a very -very- respectable endgame LS... it almost made me vomit... then again seeing you in your nobles does too.. I wonder who is being sucked dry (pun?) this time.
Do I expect flames about this? You better believe it.. both from his social and endgame LS.. and I'm sorry you feel as you do and I expect mods to fix as appropriate. I bear no malice to any in either LS.. just a bit of pity for their association to one such as Nich.
For a while I considered trying to patch it up.. I -hate- losing friendships.. but thankfully all my friends sided on it being bad idea and repulsive... Even the one friend who helped him cheat on me is still a friend of mine and daily is more appalled by his constant attempts to "get in her pants".
I apologize for the horrendously lengthy read.. and to those of you who don't care.. however for those that do I felt obligated. ... Thank you for bearing with me on this rather poorly written post but as I said.. it still hurts.. and it even hurts to expose him, but even friends of his told me it would be the best move.... ...Now to find the tissue..
Anyone who knows me knows most of this already, but I feel I am obligated to inform the community.. the Reality Sinks In... post I made confirms I truly should.
Though this hurts, and in no way do I feel any form of superiority or the such, I do feel a bit... relieved. It is a burden I have held a long time.
This is a long read, and I am still a bit emotional over it all so it won't be the easiest read but I can swear to you on it's honesty and accuracy.
Back in November, I was having a hard time losing a friendship over an arguement with my friend regarding her new relationship. I went from companionship 100% of the time to zero... While my frendship with others strengthed slightly, I needed more a companion, someone I could invest my time in (perhaps invest isnt the best word.. but I can think of no others) who will stick with me, friend or more, for however long we remain able.
After the Myrrh incident, I thought dating may not be up my alley online. (to those of you who say "lolonline dating" consider the fact you meet on similar grounds, you react on how you truly feel, with no real fear of rejection, and you see their personality, not their face and body figure.. mutual interests and plenty of time together..) Then I met the most amazing person I had ever met (at the time I truly believed this.. so I will speak feelings as present tense) and all my previous problems melted away. I fell instantly, and according to her, so did she.
We spent a lot of time together in the end of november and through December, we got to learn a lot about eachother's RL. We spent around 14-18 hours a day, every day together. (neither have jobs irl due to circustances I will not be mentioning, rl is rl.. I won't implant that here) There were times when other friends of mine would ask to see me for a quest or ask me if I needed any questss (friends like helping friends, I never asked so people offered.. <3 you guys..) but I usually said no, enthralled by my love for this person. I admit to being ignorant in the dating scene though I have had many, many relationships rl.. I never once cared for any of them.. they were simply "let's try it and see if it works" or ones based on my inability to accept being alone. (had few friends.. no time for them between school and work) So she sucked me in.. and according to her I too enthralled her.. We were a perfect match.
As well all know however, nothing is ever perfect. First came the arguing.. and admit, as almost all of you know I have a fiery temper and low patience at times. We'd argue over the dumbest things.. Never truly horrid arguements but each one hurt as anyone who has argued with someone they loved knows. Simple promises became lost in the wind.. any promise she made she broke.. we were nearly through. then Christmas came around and it was truly about to end.
For some reason I cannot fathom I refused to let it.. I pushed and pushed, apologizing for things I had no reason apologizing for.. Even she stood to say much of it was her own fault, that I was right.. but to me that was a way of her trying to leave (though it was true more than not) so I fought harder to keep her to stay... Then she tells me she has a confession. (You all know its coming and many of my friend tried to warn me from the start...)
She's a He.
Well.. Yeah. All this time, all this affection, all everything.. under a lie.. but before my brain even begins to process I say its fine. And to me.. it almost is.
I think back to the nonintimacies... to the conversations, the fun we had, the simple joys we shared.. and I fell in love with the PERSON the personality, the character of this person.. so I let it drop and we remained a couple, keeping his gender a secret, even from my closest friends and I am so sorry to you all for that...
I should have known then.. that not only the gender but seemingly everything else.. the entire person... was fictional. After this he changed.. becoming a bit more distant, going from spending all our time together to seeing eachother every couple days, for a few minutes.. he obsessed on leveling Whm, completely blowing me off while exping. (while no real problem to most.. we did everything together then all the sudden I was nothing.. it was a rather unpleasant change)
The lies poured from his mouth like a top notch lawyer for a tobacco firm arguing that cigarettes can't kill you. Every day it was a new lie.. Trust became razor thin (I don't have any excuses as to why I even bothered but.. heart > brain for a long while...) and arguements got worse.
The biggest topic of interest became her friends.. who as I saw it were ruining our relationship (somehow it can go into the negatives) and nothing but problematic.. He argued incessantly in their defense (which in a way is sweet I guess) and put them before me every time.. which is and will forever be unacceptable to me with anyone. (Your fiance should come first, though that is not a topic to argue right now) The arguements were killing us.. (us individually, not as a couple.. that was basically dead) and the lies kept piling up.. absolute inability to form compromises also didn't help. Then, he went out of his way to stuff another nail in the coffin.
He cheated on me... with one of my better friends..
Now while i can sympathize for -anyone- in a relationship so haphazard.. there is never an excuse in any situation ever to cheat on someone.. And of course he did it under the guise of being female, hurting this person a good deal upon finding out.
Yet again, I was horribly stupid.. I attempted to keep hold of the memories which were by now beginning to fade but I fought still.. Then he constantly went out of his way.. practically stalking this girl.. taking her to nice spots and even letting her wear -my- opaline.. the set I bought for him. (when he was a "her" that is)
So finally it was done.. I was sick of it.. I spoke to the friend whom kept me informed on every single detail of every encounter with him and found he was constantly trying to "get in her pants" and always complained about me, saying things about me, making up things I supposedly said about her to try and turn her against me.. (she had none of it.. and happily helped me along the process of deciding to boot him for good)
So I did. We split, I said it was done.. and it was.. Though we attempted to remain friends... even through ALL the slew of lies.. the deception, the cheating.. all of it.. (I know.. I was very very stupid...) though I asked him, based on his mining and manipulating of a Goldsmithing friend he was pulling in incredible gil.. that he pay me back the gil he accepted under the pretense of not only being a female, but staying with me. (don't give me any crap about I gave it freely and it was my own fault.. I know, but I asked anyhow) I pointed out the fact I would -never- have wasted my gil, nor my countless hours had I known it was not only all a lie, but short term.. (bad example but think about endgame.. you give a whm a nobles hoping they will stick around.. if they split you count it as a loss, but you can ask for it back) and he accepted. He made to begin on it, and I mentioned it would basically all be spent to further my Clothcraft.. and all the gil I got from him, I sent to my crafting mule.
Well a short time later I was leveling Sam and I managed to buy a pair of Fuma for 1.5m and Jujitsu for the same price when both were still 1.6-1.9 area.. Nich freaked out about me "wasting" my gil to buy things when it was supposed to go to crafting.. We'll not spend time mentioning I sold all my lower level HQ armors that I had muled to make room, let alone that every day I pulled in 300-500k profit from crafting.. so he refused to move on paying any more and I believe an exact quote was "So yeah, I'm going back on my word again ^^"
This finished it, it was a lie too many and I had by then grown away from him enough to not want to see him or his name anymore anyway. A liar, a cheat, and a thief. Quite the package in this person.. I think that is literally the epitome of what disgusts me in a human..
Do I miss him? No.... I don't.. sometimes I miss the times we had, and sometimes I wish we could still talk like we used to because he was so caring.. he was always willing to listen to my shitty day... or so he seemed.. Now I look back and wonder if it was all a lie from the start, even the love.. I never doubted it (I said I did, but I never truly -felt- it until more recently.. seeing him wearing gear he very obviously didnt earn.. I am led to believe he is leeching off of someone else.. This must be common practice.. use and leave? He did everything he could to push me away.. maybe it was to make the theft seem coincidental.. and seeing how it was I who dumped him.. it didn't look like he was the thief he is.. but this disgusts me.. thinking someone else is being used, lied to, and stolen from. (I know, if they fall for it they deserve it right? cause we are all immaculate and never make mistakes? mhmm)
So I'm sorry Nichole.. er.. Greg.. er.. Nichole.. but I couldn't keep this quiet any longer.. Seeing you sitting in what I once, and my friends once considered a very -very- respectable endgame LS... it almost made me vomit... then again seeing you in your nobles does too.. I wonder who is being sucked dry (pun?) this time.
Do I expect flames about this? You better believe it.. both from his social and endgame LS.. and I'm sorry you feel as you do and I expect mods to fix as appropriate. I bear no malice to any in either LS.. just a bit of pity for their association to one such as Nich.
For a while I considered trying to patch it up.. I -hate- losing friendships.. but thankfully all my friends sided on it being bad idea and repulsive... Even the one friend who helped him cheat on me is still a friend of mine and daily is more appalled by his constant attempts to "get in her pants".
I apologize for the horrendously lengthy read.. and to those of you who don't care.. however for those that do I felt obligated. ... Thank you for bearing with me on this rather poorly written post but as I said.. it still hurts.. and it even hurts to expose him, but even friends of his told me it would be the best move.... ...Now to find the tissue..
