I need some advice

[Tok]

some of you know that i've been complaining and being a little emo kid over my ex-girlfriend since like august, things have been going downhill for awhile and now it seems like it's hit rock bottom

she's not the same person i fell in love with anymore, she's become so obsessed with school and being successful and it took me by suprise cause like out of no where she became a different person, its not that i dont want her to be successful and happy but it doesnt mean she has to shut me out of her life like she is

i didnt realize any of this was happening because i was too caught up in the thought of us breaking up and me being alone, when we talk now it feels like she doesnt even care in the least bit

i'm the only one she talks to because she's pushed everyone else away and im the only one that stuck around but it's getting harder to put up with her pushing me away too

i know none of you really know me that well or the situation but i have to ask, is there something wrong with me that made her be like this? i just cant understand for the life of me how someone can lose intimate feelings for someone if theres nothing wrong with that person

should i be like all the other people and stop talking to her? or do i keep trying to be there for her and continue to expose myself to more bullshit?

 

[Romper]

No it's not your fault for her changing. You feel that way because you're going through a process were you feel like you're the one causing it and being neglecting your needs because of it. You wont really be happy the only thing you can do is pick up and move on to realize she is doing this herself.

 

[Chiimister]

How old is she? Did something happen? Is there a reason why she is into learning so much now?
Usually there is something that triggers such a change and such behaviour. And if you should stop talking with her or not depends on her feelings for you.

 

[Kreoss]

Honestly, I kind of wonder why you still talk to her. It is extremely difficult to be "still friends" with an ex, especially after a long relationship, since usually one or the other will wish it wasn't over. I'd bet dollars to donuts that a part of you is still hoping she'll magically revert back to the way she was and that you two would get back together. After all, if you don't like the new her and were 100% convinced that she wouldn't change back, why would you hang around her?

People change. I get the impression you and her are probably pretty young and still looking for who you are. Who you are though has nothing to do with her. You aren't defined by spending time with this girl. And though you've done a lot of talking over these past few months (by your own admission) about how this girl meant so much to you, that is over and has been over, and from the looks of it, the girl you loved so much changed. Grew. It's not even necessarily a bad thing for her. And I honestly doubt it had anything to do with you at all. As far as pushing you and others away, well yeah, she's changing. Most of us don't keep the same friends we had when we were 5 throughout our lives--we gain and lose friends as we grow and mature, that's just a part of life.

tl;dr version: I don't think you should continue to hold on to this girl. If you don't like who she's becoming, just let her go. It's not the scariest thing in the world to be alone.

 

[Helius]

Just a warning. I'm a pecimist(SP) and here is a scenario I see.

She doesn't talk to anyone because she is fixed on school. Though there can be a few reasons why.

-Upper scale classes (For the smart ass kids who get into college Sophmore year)
-A lightbulb clicked in her head telling her to get her ass in gear.
-By some slight chance there is another guy she is focusing on.
-It's of her parents will to have her do this

~

Here are a few suggestions though.

-She just needs a bit of space and if you give it to her now, in the end it's woth it.
-Take the bull shit to show her you really care
-Don't interfear with her schooling in any way
-Offer her help on assignments when you do talk
-Just ask if there is ANY way to help
-If things start to change a bit where she talks to you more and seems happier. Invite her over after school every now and then to help her with her work.
-Maybe try and ask if there is something wrong either between you or something she's just going through.

I can't honestly say I know how you feel because none of my relationships went this way really. Though I sorta took into account of possibilities and my friends relationships. To put up with it, but make sure it's not to the point it will kill you. Shows a LOT of character and shows you care. I just hope she'll see that in you if you take that course. As for all that, good luck man. And don't get too worked up for right now.

 

[Svina]

I'm not too filled in on this but you know what?

If they want nothing to do with you then that's probably that. It ain't cause of you more than likely, but probably more that she doesn't feel she has time for a relationship with school, or there's something she isn't telling you that she's caught up in. In any case, if you're not that important to her anymore, then you don't need to waste your time.

You'll come across someone who does want your time eventually.

And uh...if not... there's always ice cream binging!

 

[K. Ishitar]

I think as a friend you have a right to talk to her about her sudden change of mood and the effect it has on you.

I'm pretty much doing this with my family atm it was really unintentional at first, but it was something I wanted because I grew tired of people butting into my business and wanted to do something on my own, because I felt that I learned nothing when others found out and then took control and helped me through it.

It may have something to do with parents what kids do around the teens tends to be a result of their relationship with parents.

ie parents told me that I was alone for getting through college and paying as a result I worked and went to school full time(both) and I rarely saw them, or even brought up my business.

she(your ex) could be using school as escapism from some sort of dull(or painful) reality?

 

[Kotsu]

I'm assuming school = college right? If this is a high school relationship, I'd say drop it, get over it and move on. The longer you stay near and close to her the harder it will be to get over her. Hopeless romantics have no place in today's society. Often times we're written off as emo kids, and other times we're used and abused. Do yourself a favor and make a confident choice. 1) I'm going to stick this out and get with her again or 2) I'm done with this shit. If this is high school bullshit, make choice 2. If it's not, you have a debate on your hands. Honestly, you can't fault her for consciously deciding on working hard towards her future. It could be that she left your relationship and she's a different person now because she felt you were holding her back. Show her that you weren't by proving she has a great future with you. But christ, do something and man up. Women find confident guys attractive. If you can't be confident, don't expect much out of your love life.

 

[Tok]

the weird thing about this whole thing is that whenever i try to distance myself from her, she comes back to me, and then i feel guilty for distancing myself so i try to be there more then she pushes me away and then im just fuckin confused

every one of you is right tho

part of me (at this point a small part) wants to get back together with her, but i know it will only fail again cause we both now have so much goin on in our lives, and she's one of my best friends, probably my closest friend and as hard as it is to still be her friend i want that.

I'm not faulting her or angry at her at all for wanting to do good in school (she is a seniior in high school and im in college) and i do realize that she's still young and finding her way, thats why all i really want now is to be her friend but if she's going to make it difficult for me then i know what i have to do

 

[Bedwarmer]

Eek. Senior in High School? Time to walk away my friend. When I say walk away, I mean completley. My Grandfather once told me, "The best break is a clean break," and that's how I've handled relationships ever since. It's really not worth your time, nor the emotional toll, to carry a torch for this girl for "X" number of years, only to have her introduce you as her friend to her new bf.

Besides, you're in college now! Party it up, screw anything that moves, blow all your money, major in business, and scrape by with a 2.7 gpa. Once college is over you'll be 33 before you know it, and wish you had done those things.

 

[Propagandhi]

You wont really be happy the only thing you can do is pick up and move on to realize she is doing this herself.

Honestly, I kind of wonder why you still talk to her. I don't think you should continue to hold on to this girl. If you don't like who she's becoming, just let her go. It's not the scariest thing in the world to be alone.

Eek. Senior in High School? Time to walk away my friend. When I say walk away, I mean completley.
Besides, you're in college now! Party it up, screw anything that moves.

This is close to the best advice you're going to get.

 

[Westyle]

Find n00dz in her photobucket and mail them to the principal

 

[Tok]

Find n00dz in her photobucket and mail them to the principal

haha this made me lol

thanks for that

 

[Strid]

If when you distance yourself from her she comes back, even if slightly, she can't stand the thought of you disappearing it seems. That has to mean something to you. What it means to me is that she still likes you. Distance yourself, let her do what she normally does but don't be all guilty feeling about it as this was her choice. When she comes back don't be all clingy and revert back, keep some of your space and it'll draw her more and more into you. Distance is a good think if you properly use it. A better way to work this to your advantage is mystery. Use distance, as you have been, to draw her close. When you've got her within reach again, use mystery to keep her there and maybe rekindle an old fire. Hell, see what she thinks about your upcoming date, if you catch my drift Show her life moves on for you with or without her and see how it goes. First though, you have to realize, yourself, life -must- and does go on.

 

[Raesvelg]

You can't make someone love you.

People change.

Relationships end.

Ideally, we're left with more good memories than bad.

That's probably the best advice, such as it is, that I can give on this topic.

I could go into greater detail, of course, but all relationship advice is fundamentally subjective. What applies to one relationship doesn't necessarily apply to any others.

 

[Strid]

You can't make someone love you.

People change.

Relationships end.

Ideally, we're left with more good memories than bad.

That's probably the best advice, such as it is, that I can give on this topic.

I could go into greater detail, of course, but all relationship advice is fundamentally subjective. What applies to one relationship doesn't necessarily apply to any others.

She keeps coming back for him though after he pushes her away. Knowing that helps to understand that she does still feels for him. If she didn't, she wouldn't come back, at all.

 

[Darkdante]

some of you know that i've been complaining and being a little emo kid over my ex-girlfriend since like august, things have been going downhill for awhile and now it seems like it's hit rock bottom

she's not the same person i fell in love with anymore, she's become so obsessed with school and being successful and it took me by suprise cause like out of no where she became a different person, its not that i dont want her to be successful and happy but it doesnt mean she has to shut me out of her life like she is

i didnt realize any of this was happening because i was too caught up in the thought of us breaking up and me being alone, when we talk now it feels like she doesnt even care in the least bit

i'm the only one she talks to because she's pushed everyone else away and im the only one that stuck around but it's getting harder to put up with her pushing me away too

i know none of you really know me that well or the situation but i have to ask, is there something wrong with me that made her be like this? i just cant understand for the life of me how someone can lose intimate feelings for someone if theres nothing wrong with that person

should i be like all the other people and stop talking to her? or do i keep trying to be there for her and continue to expose myself to more bullshit?

Dude heres some chick advice.

Support her if ya love her.

I had a friend who supported what the thought was the love of his life for 5 fucking years after they broke up. ( I thought he was crazy) He was there through the hard times she had with the boyfriends she had during that time, he was there through the hard times she had with her job and family. He was always there for her. He had his own life, but that is and always was his best friend.

And now they are married. I'm glad he got lucky and it worked out for him, love don't work unless you don't give it a chance to burn you.

They moment you turn her away, is the moment you could lose her forever.

Depends though, do you really love her? That is the question you need to answer.

 

[Kreoss]

She keeps coming back for him though after he pushes her away. Knowing that helps to understand that she does still feels for him. If she didn't, she wouldn't come back, at all.

Not necessarily true.

It sounds more to me that she keeps coming back because he gives her attention, and she knows he still is mooning for her. If a girl can tolerate a guy at all, it's hard to ignore him if he has feelings for her, and is such a steady source of attention. After all, she drove all of her other friends away (according to OP). Here's a captive, adoring audience that is devoutly trying to be friends with her despite the fact that, in my opinion, that is impossible to do. She's just feeding off of his attention, again in my opinion.

 

[Chiimister]

the weird thing about this whole thing is that whenever i try to distance myself from her, she comes back to me, and then i feel guilty for distancing myself so i try to be there more then she pushes me away and then im just fuckin confused

every one of you is right tho

part of me (at this point a small part) wants to get back together with her, but i know it will only fail again cause we both now have so much goin on in our lives, and she's one of my best friends, probably my closest friend and as hard as it is to still be her friend i want that.

I'm not faulting her or angry at her at all for wanting to do good in school (she is a seniior in high school and im in college) and i do realize that she's still young and finding her way, thats why all i really want now is to be her friend but if she's going to make it difficult for me then i know what i have to do

Um... as weird as it may sound... but sometimes girls act like that. I mean... to distance from the person they love (we are weird, I know XD)
It can have many reasons... no matter how you will decide, you should talk with her.
Good luck

 

[Tok]

Um... as weird as it may sound... but sometimes girls act like that. I mean... to distance from the person they love (we are weird, I know XD)
It can have many reasons...

yea.... could you elaborate as to why you do that? lol she tells me i'm the closest friend she has and then she pushes me away, shes fkn complicated but i care for her, so my concience (sp?) is always gonna fuck me over when i try to get too distant