I suck at making titles.

[Romper]

Where to start? Maybe to say that this isn't so much of a I need help thread more so I need to clear my head thread. The only problem is getting start so maybe I'll just free write so if my ideas don't flow well I'm sorry.

Probably the number one issue right now was the passing of my grandfather on January 17th. At first I was dealing with it just fine, but lately I have spent nights falling asleep with tears in my eyes because I try to keep everything inside my head to deal with, and try not to seek out advice from others as I want to solve things myself to better myself. I just can't figure out what the hell to do because at first I was fine because it meant he wasn't in pain anymore which was the most important thing as the bone cancer he had did not cause him any pain. The pain was all from a bulging disc in his back for six months.

I guess what makes it especially hard was that I was 3 maybe 4 when my grandparents moved to Las Vegas and never really got to see them except for the 3 or 4 times I went to Vegas then when they moved back to IL three or four years ago. So I didn't really get to spend a whole lot of time with him. It sucked not having him at my birthday dinner on Sunday because they spent so many years in Vegas. I just got so use to him there the past few years that it seemed really different.

I guess what made my birthday seemingly worse was spending the night trying to sort through guns to be divided up amongst the 4 grandsons a majority of the night. Great way to have a birthday going through a loved ones belongings right?

Then there is the whole school crap. No one really likes it, but I'm starting to regret not going away for college. I'm miserable at the juco because I can't stand living with my parents anymore, but none of my friends and myself thrown together could afford a monthly rent fee for an apartment going to school full time while working jobs. That idea is just far from feasible. I'm losing any focus I had left from the mind numbing years of grade school that I just don't care enough to try in school.

Going back to being miserable at home I guess it's because my mom is always riding my case that I just stop caring about school and everything else. I don't go to her because she always gets mad if any of us catch her in a loop hole in her own logic. So if I said I wanted to go away, I am the baby, she would get mad right away as she can not let go of me at all. I basically have limited independence because of my mom gagging me with protection. I think some where in her head she still thinks I am 4 and can't handle myself. I know how to cook, clean, do my laundry, and god forbid if I ever had to grocery shop. My dad and myself, hell both of my brothers, have never really gotten along so that nothing there is really afflicting me as I'm use to not having much of a relationship with him.

I guess I just can't be happy anymore no matter how much I try. Maybe I really am better off being a pessimist over an optimist, and giving up being happy as no matter what I try to do anymore I just don't get satisfaction from doing it. I'm tired of my daily cycle already and I'm 19. If I'm like this already where can I be 10 years from now? I really need something different. I need a god damn escape maybe just a vacation on my own since it's been since 8th grade that I have had a vacation.

 

[Stine]

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't sound like it was a fun birthday but I hope that your next one is better. Last year my grandmother passed away from cancer so I know what you mean when you say you're glad that he's not in pain anymore. It doesn't make the loss easier though.

I'm not good with advice but sometimes it helps just to write it all out like you did. I had problems living at home not that I didn't get along with my parents but it just was hard living with them. I am sorry to hear that your financial situation doesn't allow for you to move out. I hope that this improves. Sometimes moms have a hard time of letting their babies grow up. My parents weren't overprotective so I'm not sure what to tell you. I know it looks bad but things can get better. I wish you the best of luck and hang in there.

 

[Tristam Green]

maybe just a vacation on my own since it's been since 8th grade that I have had a vacation.

Yes; you'd be surprised what a little away time can do for you. I highly recommend taking a vacation.

As for trying to work things out on your own; that's cool to try and do, but remember that humans are social beings. We do our best works when in groups. I would at least talk about things concerning your grandfather with anyone who will genuinely listen, be it your family, friends, classmates, doctor, or whoever. Getting things out in the open is a lot healthier than keeping stuff bottled inside. There's a reason it's called "eating at you".

I hope you get your stuff sorted out dude, as you're young yet and have a lot to look forward to. The world might be a shithole, but life's not all that bad.

 

[Romper]

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't sound like it was a fun birthday but I hope that your next one is better. Last year my grandmother passed away from cancer so I know what you mean when you say you're glad that he's not in pain anymore. It doesn't make the loss easier though.

I'm not good with advice but sometimes it helps just to write it all out like you did. I had problems living at home not that I didn't get along with my parents but it just was hard living with them. I am sorry to hear that your financial situation doesn't allow for you to move out. I hope that this improves. Sometimes moms have a hard time of letting their babies grow up. My parents weren't overprotective so I'm not sure what to tell you. I know it looks bad but things can get better. I wish you the best of luck and hang in there.

Forgot to say one thing in OP last night I was tired so somethings weren't said. Any advice is appreciated and will be reflected upon.

That's the worse part is if I start working I know I'll lose more focus on school so I have to give up on something to try to better something else later on. The way I try to justify it is have a better now with money or have a better future with even more money. I can guess that what is really bothering me is living in the suburbs for so long that nothing is really fun anymore.

It's not so much that I don't so much get along with them anymore. I am just really tired of the crap because when I do argue with my mom the contradictions are so mind blowingly terrible. She'll say one thing that I agree with, but not 5 minutes later say the opposite thats where she becomes very mad.

 

[Stine]

Working while doing college is tough but to me it was worth it. I was a waitress while going to school full time. I didn't do as well as I could have but I usually made As and Bs in most of my classes. I didn't get a lot of free time but I did have some time to enjoy and relax. If you do work while in college I recommend not going to school during the summer. I got burnt out during the summer since I didn't get much of a break. Also, take a week off from work during the summer and treat yourself to a vacation.

I fought with my dad a lot during my teenage years. My dad's a farmer and I am a computer nerd so we didn't see eye to eye on that. Plus I'm not very outgoing so my parents didn't understand why I didn't want to go out like my sister did. Yeah I had friends but I'm not a very social creature. Moving out did help me blossom socially and I found that I got along better with my parents when I wasn't living with them. Also, if you plan on moving out, get a job first and work for at least 3 weeks before hunting for a place to live. It looks better when it shows that you have a job. I got a credit card with a very low credit limit so I could slowly build up credit. Granted not everyone can restrain from maxing it (especially poor college students) out but using it a little and paying it off immediately can help you avoid extra charges. I used mine mainly for gas and the limit was only $500. Look to see if you can get any grants and/or scholarships too.

 

[Shaolinsan]

Wow, reading your post brought back so many memories.....it was very spooky for me...I'm actually getting a little teary eyed. This is your post so I won't go into my history, suffice it to say that we had very similar situations at the same age. I had the same attitude toward life in general. I thought it would never end, I'd stay in the same place with the same people, feeling unmotivated, etc. But then a funny thing happened. I joined the Army. I'm not saying you should, especially with the way things are currently. But what happened was, I got away from everything that I thought was depressing and maddening. It was like a vacation from my former life. I met so many new people, had the chance to do some pretty crazy stuff compared to living in a small town. I don't think it was the Army that brought me out of my funk but the experiences I had while enlisted. I think a vacation or road trip is definitely what you need. Road trips are generally less expensive if well planned and expenses shared. I'm not trying to advise you as to what you should do, but I do understand how you feel and a break might be the best thing right now. Things get better, I'm living proof.

 

[Zephayra]

It's perfectly normal to feel that way after a death of someone you care about. My only advice is don't let anyone tell you that you should be 'over it' now. If you can go for support from really good friends, do so. The biggest problem with our society is that nobody wants to hear about our problems, especially the ones surrounding grief. We have this preconceived notion that its something we have to deal with by ourselves and that's not the case. If you find that your grief, along with other additional stresses you've mentioned, are really starting to take over your life and causing you to not be able to move forward in your life, see if you can talk to someone at your school. Most colleges have guidance counsellers that would be more than willing to give you support if you can't find it from friends, or recommend better advice since they're professionals.

 

[Excim]

That's the worse part is if I start working I know I'll lose more focus on school so I have to give up on something to try to better something else later on.

You need a short term goal to focus on. Finish the semester, but try exceptionally hard to pass, otherwise you will regret the outcome even more. (Especially the wasted money!) After the semester is over, take a break from school altogether and get yourself a full time job. Try to find something different, try to stay out of office jobs, just take any interview that will take you. Once you have a steady income, go ahead and move out. You'll never have any idea how liberating it is to accomplish things on your own until you make the move, and with the added bonus of having better relations with your family since you aren't up each others ass everyday. (This is true!)

Once you feel you're ready, take the credits you've earned from college and reapply. Hell, I'll be 26 this year, and I'm going back for another degree, along with my full time job!

Also, never underestimate the benefits of night classes.

Anyway, get some direction in your life. It'll make all the difference when you have a clear mind about what it is you want to do with yourself, and most often that means taking the time away from school to figure out what it is you want.

 

[Arctyrael]

I am sorry to hear this /_\. I also lost my grandfather at 19. Someone else mentioned similarities, I think I'm in the same boat. Sometimes, it still seems kinda weird not being able to see him.

Excim's post is a good one. Try and get out of the house. I would also reconsider quitting school, but to balance work and school could make things worse, so that is up to you. You know how the quote goes, "The most important things in life are the ones you have to fight hardest for."

Finally, if you wish to post here in this thread, do so please. It has always been maintained RL > FFXI, and the practice is no different now. If we can help you cope, I am sure lots of people have helpful insights they can offer.

 

[Makelith]

Speaking as someone that didn't quit school, and also works, you don't have to do an extreme. Especially if you live at home. You have the option of not taking a full load (Normally 12-14 credits so 3-5 classes depending on credits/class). A full load for me is 14 credits, but last semester i only took 12, because i had to work to help out with bills for my mom.

It took a bit of getting used to, but more than enough employers won't mind a student doing homework while at work if it isn't busy, they also are usually really flexible to your schedule.

So you don't have to quit school to work full time and move out, because that just makes the situation seem really grim. So is never working so you can get all A's in college (which i think is a crock. Most college students have ALOT more free time than they give themselves credit for).

There are other other options to take, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.