I'll take a mega-size bottle of happy pills...to go please..

Jezza

Jezza

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Well, many of you know I work in education. Ony 5 weeks to go!! YAY!!!!

Well, sort of yay, also means I have 25 days to do about 75 days of work, but that really is neither here nor there.

I work primarily in 2 high schools, one that's very small and I visit fairly infrequently and one that's slightly larger (around 300 students grades 9-12 - yeah, total) which is where I spend 3-4 days a week.

On Monday afternoon I found out that a Junior had committed suicide. I don't want to get into details in order to protect both my anonymity and the school's, but in a class of about 75-80, that hit pretty hard. I've spent all week diffusing tension, grief, and comforting parents, students, and teachers. If you've ever experienced crisis intervention at this level, you understand the term compassion fatigue. I get home and I don't want to sleep, eat, stay awake, drink, not drink, not eat, talk, be silent, cuddle, be alone, or be with others. It's so surreal - the way the kid did it is bizarre enough, without adding all of the other crap that's gone on.

My masters is in social work, with a family centered focus. I worked as an in-home therapist with all court ordered cases for 4 years before I took a break and got into education (school social work). Anyway, I was disgusted by my colleagues this week. At least a few.

Again, I need to be entirely too careful here...but lets just say that the inner circle of this kids friends was made up of us. Not to stereotpye..but they were the smart, computer geeks, band nerds....we decided together the other night that they are the "alternative" clique. This high school is not unlike others...there's labels for every group..the jocks, the nerds, the druggies. Of course, in a moment like this, everyone feels entitled to be equally effected. The people running the whole "crisis response team" (ugh) decided that everyone should be together in the same room. WRONG. The close friends were literally sickened by the response of some of their classmates who, they say, "Never acknowldeged him and probably are part of the reason he did this."

Now, I diffused that...ya can't blame others for his choice. In the words of my 6 year old whom I haven't seen since Monday because of this, "Momma, he should have been with his friends and gotten happy. He made a bad choice."

I spent the day trying to diffuse some of the anger and make sure it didn't escalate and just being there. The group has agreed to let me pop out to their hang-out tonight after the visitation and tomorrow after the funeral..which means more time dedcated to work and less time with my kids and relaxing (i.e. taking care of myself).

Just wanted to say one last thing, in addition to telling my story....

If you've ever contemplated, and I mean SERIOUSLY contemplated suicide, talk to someone PLEASE. Visit a school after something like this happens..I wish people could see what I have to see this week and the rest of this school year. The devastating impact it has on so many...it's just intense. You have no idea. This kid was in line to be valedictorian. If he could have survived the hell that is high school..he's the kind that would be running the world - hot wife, happy kids, great car, fabulous job...

Iv'e seen it a million times..the Ken and Barbies of the world go to college, find out they're not that special and go bald/become drunken trophy wives by 30.

Gotta go...teacher needs me...
 
Good post.

Honestly, if anyone ever contemplates suicide, please realize that people DO care about you, and that there is always someone out there for you.

One thing about High school is that its a really really fake place. College I can say is a step better, because with so many people, you can find people that you truly get along with. I know some people feel inadequate at times because htey have never found a partner. A lot of people lose confidence in themselves when they see other people with girlfriends/boyfriends etc., and have never had one themselves. But all I can really say is, all the times I've never really looked for a girlfriend, I ended up finding someone great, and all the times I looked, I never found a good partner. When you try too hard to look for someone to be with, you often overlook their faults, whereas when you take your time, you often see a person for who they really are. All I can say is, don't actively push yourself to find a partner, because time will tell and you will find each other.
 
I can't begin to imagine how this has impacted the school. When I was in eighth grade, a girl in my class died. The circumstances weren't nearly as severe, and it was a much larger school (~900 students, 450 per class), but it was an incredibly difficult time for everyone. In a school that small, the community is probably much tighter, and it must be infinitely worse.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of time and effort into helping people through this, which is great. But I think it's important for you to take care of yourself and your family as well. I don't mean to sound selfish here - everyone needs to support each other in a situation like this. But if you put all your time into your job, and don't keep an eye on yourself, you'll be such a mess that you won't be able to do much for anyone else anyways. Just try to find a balance.

Best of luck to you, and everyone else this has affected.
 
Not completely related but ---

In my freshman year a kid died in a car accident while leaving the school parking lot and died instantly and his girlfriend was in critical condition. There were a lot of people who were friends with him and it really hit them hard and some took a day or two off after that and skipped school for his funeral which is understandable. BUT, what really sickens me about some people was that a good chunk of people who didn't even know he existed at all started taking days off and skipped school for his funeral. All they had to do was throw on a few eye drops and act for their parents and they were out of school.... it was just really fucked up.
 
In my 4 years of high school we had 6 students die. Out of a school of 3,200 though it had no visible effect. Guess this stuff hits the small schools harder.
 
During my high school career, I believe 3 students died. My junior year, my friend died after she fell off the back of a moving car. This wouldn't have happened if the kid who was driving hadnt actually have driven 30 mph around a curve, but no, because he ws high and probably drinking. They found weed in his car, after he had dropped the car and ran into the woods. What happened? He got away scot free..... Sorry, just bad memories.

Her death really affected a lot of people. My high school was about 2000 people, and a lot of people were upset after it happened. It may have been more noticeable for me since I was her friend, but it still seemed like many people outside her circle of friends were affetcted. A death of someone that age is always difficult.

Oh, and Jezza... band people are NOT nerds. Thank you very much.^^ In all seriousness tho, I kinda wonder about who was in band in your school. People in my band were generally not people who youd imagine being in band, let alone marching band, but hey... things vary.
 
It's not on the same level, but i've an experience similar to this one. I know all the hard work youre putting into this. I have a friend, I'm very close to this friend. We've been good friends for about 12 years now. He had a cousin whom he was very close to, the two were practically brothers. About five years ago, this cousin found out his girlfriend of 4 years had been cheating on him, and took it upon himself to tie a noose around his neck and end his life. His parents found in about three hours later.

When my friend heard about this, he could do nothing but blame himself for letting it happen, though he had no hand in the ordeal at all. This is where our stories become a bit more similar. I spent countless days at this friends house, being his shoulder to cry on (he's an emotional guy..what can I say, he's my friend, i'm not gonna be a dicknose to him and such), telling him that it wasnt his fault, that there was nothing that could've been done, that his cousin had made this choice on his own and wherever he was now, its probably better than where he was to begin with.

It's been five years since that incident. This friend has tried to kill himself on two seperate occassions, both of which were foiled due to my intervention. Its a tough, long road to recovery from a suicide. My friend is just barely coming around, and i'm glad for it. It hurt like hell to see my best friend crumble into that world of despair. I would like to think I did my part in helping him, and he says he owes me his life. I dont think he owes me anything, but thats all besides the point. I can see how trying your situation can be, where the impact on the community as a whole would likely be more visible. But I applaud you, Jezza. I've never met you in game, nor do I think i've ever spoken to you on these boards, but what youre doing right now takes guts. You've got to have integrity to do what youre doing, to support everything else around you at this trying time. I cant begin to imagine what you must be going through and what youre giving up to see to it that all tears are quelled, to see that all hearts are mended at your own expense. Again, I applaud you.

I would also like to contribute to the fact thats been touched on several times already. If anyone starts getting these dark thoughts in their heads, seek out help immediately. Dont hesitate. No matter how hard times are, no matter how much despair there is, your life is always more important. If anyone reading this ever finds themselves feeling as such, or just need someone to talk to about life or things that are bothering you in this manner, please. Feel free to PM me. I've been through this with my friend as I said in my story, nothing would please me more than to see someone else through such terrible things.

Sorry for the lengthy post. Your tale just stirred up old memories.
 
One person passed away; so far, during my highschool "career" (which isn't over yet, I'm a Junior). The poor guy had such a bright future ahead of him: Excellent student, top-notch athlete, sociable, etc. Unfortunately, he passed out at practice one day, and passed away that night (probably from heat exaustion or dehydration). It didn't hit my class (I was a freshman at the time) as hard as it did his class, but there was much gloom and sorrow for the remainder of the week.

On another note, I always used to fantasize about suicide, especially in bad situations. Usually when I do, I think of something positive and remember how much it would probably hurt. Deterrence by pain.....kind of sad but whatever.....

I am better now, my life is becoming more and more positive, despite some bumps in the road. I just have to bite the bullet and keep moving......

***Edit for spelling***
 
Real sad....

At least the ones that never acknowledged the poor kid now knows, thier actions affect others. Not saying its anybodys fault, it really isn't. But knowing some of the reasons why maybe they will learn to see when someones is hurting and offer a helping hand.

Part of the reason he did this might have been that he felt, he had no one to talk to. If you have a friend that you know is in trouble, talk to him/her. You could be helping more than you know.
 
/comfort Jezza

I am so sorry honey, how are you holding up? That is some serious shit to have to look forward to when getting ready for work each day. I mean, how does one explain this sort of thing to high schoolers? They are not babies or anything - but come on, we were all emotional messes in highschool ^^ Figuring out who you are/who you want to be is a tough thing. I had tons of fun in hoghschool, but when I look back at some of the choices I made, and things that I did - I shudder.

I am babbling - my best friend was a substitute teacher at that school in Columbine not terribly long after the shootings happened. She had some pretty intense stories about the state of mind of the students, even years after it happened. Such things stay with you, jade you.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this at work. /hugs (BTW sounds like your daughter is a pretty smart little girl - she must take after her mommy <3)
 
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