Im gradutiong tomorrow.................. fuck.

chpal

chpal

Port Hueneme ^^
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Jul 15, 2004
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Port Hueneme, California
like the tittle says tomorrow will be my last day as a High School sudent. ;_; I never wanted to graduate. I dont think im ready to grow up yet. Yes I know I sound stupid, but its the truth, I dont want to grow up. Not yet. Im going to miss school. Im joing th Navy later this year. So much resposibility. I dont think I can handle it. Im freaking out. ;_; I dont even know why im writing this. Im scared. I really am. Im scared to face the real world. To be a adult. I cant handle it. I cant sleep at night worrying about where i will be in 5 years. Everyone I konw is cool about it. They have a plan: College > Job > Marrige > Kids >> Retirment. I dont. For me its: Navy Nuclear Porgram or Advance Electronics > ?. Im so scared. I dont know if I will ever have a girlfriend, if I will ever get married, where I will live or anything. Nothing. God, I wish I was still 12 years old. Or even 10. Im 18, young for most of yuo, but old for me. I am a man now, not a little kid. That scares me so much. Anyone who has met me in game knows that im not mature. ;_; Honestly, I will confess this to no one in particular: I have thought about ending it all. I know suicide is not the answer, but god damn it wil end everything fast. My mother is the only one that is stopping me from doing that. I love her so much that I would hate to bring her any pain. ;_; Tommorow I graduate. Im not ready. ; ; I doubt anyone will read all of this, so I will honestly say I am really scared about adulthood. ;_; Im done now. I feel like crying, but that will solve nothing. I dont want to grow up, not yet.
 
Honestly...

In all honesty, this is pretty normal.
Loss of sleep and thoughts of suicide are normal feelings by many in your situation (close to graduation), for fear of the future.
I personally think it's more a wonder of whether you've made an impact or not.

I was one of the lucky ones I guess. I knew where I was going when I graduated last year. Still I fear the future, but I know I'll push on. For what reason...? /shrugs.

I know the feeling of not wanting to graduate. It's been a fun run in high school, right? Hanging around, joking around in class.
Knowing that it's time to get serious and do something important for your life is a huge pressure.
Also, having to choose where your life will lead at 18 is a huge pressure also. I have many friends who've chosen to take an extra year of high school in order to handle this issue.

Not wanting to grow up. Perhaps this is a good thing. It shows that you still enjoy life. For now that is a good thing.
However, at the same time, it's a double edged sword. Keep in the back of your mind that you'll have to grow up someday, otherwise you'll be suck in a stage of life that will lead nowhere. For now, if you choose to continue education, you don't quite have to grow up. You have some time to spare.

As for worrying about where you'll be in 5 years, look 5 (maximum) months ahead instead. It's a huge pressure to face the real world at the beginning, so take small steps instead of large leaps.

"I dont know if I will ever have a girlfriend, if I will ever get married, where I will live or anything."
I share the same feelings, especially about the girlfriend/married. So do keep in mind that you're not the only one who faces these issues.
Perhaps there's an urge to stay a swinging bachelor for a good while?
Then again, maybe the idea of settling down is what we know is best for us. I think that's for you to decide for yourself.
In my circumstances, I've pretty much convinced myself that there isn't anyone out there for me, so I find myself not thinking about trivial matters such as this anymore.

As for suicide: I see suicide as an option for those who have nothing left to hold on to in this mortal realm.
"My mother is the only one that is stopping me from doing that. I love her so much that I would hate to bring her any pain."
It's obvious that you have something to hold on to. Suicide is not an option for you. I think you've realized this.

Right now, focus on you. Take life one step at a time. Also, keep in mind that your graduation is more of an accomplishment than a curse.
Time will cover the rest. A little bit of blind faith isn't a bad thing.

It was good that you vented something like this, and you were honest with yourself. Being able to admit things like these thoughts will make life that much easier for you.
 
verry well said! i'll prolly be here with this post in a year o.O;;
 
Thank you Myst. That really did help. Im not thinking about suicide right now, mainly because im scared to do it. I dont like pain ; ; Im going go try to live life litle by little, stop worrying about the future. Lo que sera sera: whatever will be, will be. Thank you again. I apreciate you writting back. Still though. I cant help but be afraid. I guess that is normal, but damn it hurts.
 
Change sucks, but it's the only constant. You'll go, be scared for a bit, adapt, relax, and think "hey, this isn't all that bad." If you don't think that, you'll find something else to do, until you do think that. Don't worry so much about it (I know that's much harder to do than I'm making it sound), and just roll with it. Let it happen, and figure out the best way to incorporate yourself into it.
 
You shouldn't be worried at all about anything. I had the same problem when it was my time to graduate. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and sort of still don't. I'm halfway through college and still at the "Hmm, I'm not quiet sure what I want to do in life" point. From what I've been told by my father, school registers, and many others it's perfectly normal, and sometimes best, to not have a set plan. As you grow older you'll find more things that interest you and if you are set on one lifestyle you may overlook many others. Take life one day at a time and let it things come to you. Now when I say that don't expect to find it sitting at home on the CPU playing FFXI or anything you need to look but , IMO, life has a funny way of just falling in place..It's very amazing and wonderful. If you are deadset on having to know what it is you want to do look at your hobbys and interest and lock down on one. No matter how far fetched it may seem any human being is capable of doing anything. The things people dream to do , like being a rockstar etc., will never happen to people who say "Man it'd be cool to be a star but I could never do that it's just a dream.." Well, it's only a dream if you let be a dream. If you want it to be reality go work at it, study it, and by God KNOW that it is within you to achieve it and never settle for failure. Joe Dirt said it best when he said, "Gotta keep on keepin on". You can beat life you just have to be patient, willing, and brave.

As for suicide...that is weak. Suicide is an escape for people who have no guts to push threw tough times and no concern for the people they will hurt. If there is only one person in your life that cares about you, you will kill them along with yourself. Your mother loves you and you owe it to her to bring her joy for all I'm sure she has done for you. Just being there and them knowing that you love them makes their day. Suicide is not the answer to anything...whatever life deals you play it, learn from it, and continue on. I had to deal with a friend commiting suicide and his family went from a good family to drugs, depression, hate, and loss of all care for anything. It's never worth it. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones, and I bet there are a few out there you don't even know about :wink: , to finish life out.

As for growing up. The Navy will take care of that no worries haha. give it a week or two and you'll be more a man than you ever thought you could be.

Also, on the subject of a wife and kids etc etc...Why worry with this? Set YOUR life up then worry about this if it's what you want. Get a job and get set and comfortable then consider this. However you never know when you will meet someone special hell, you could meet her tomorrow for all you know! When the time comes for this you will know right then. Love is a powerful thing and also very tricky. Life , again, will deal you this hand when you are ready or not it'll come if you want it to.

Just live life day by day man. Enjoy it, embrace it for it only happens once, most believe anyway, and when it's gone...it's gone. I miss high School but at the same time I'm glad to be moving on in life. I've gone two and a half years through college and last night my plan hit me like a mac truck while playing Guid Wars. However, when it does hit will you have the power to get up and do something about it and make it happen ? I hope so.

Just please, please understand this. It is VERY VERY important to know you can do anything you set your heart to through hard work, sacrifices, and dedication. Anything is possible but YOU have to make it happen.

Good luck buddy and please enjoy your graduation! Go party or whatever, have a blast and enjoy it. The rest of your life will come day by day...so live day by day and keep your eyes open.
 
Carpe Diem

As someone who was in your shoes not too long ago, Chpal, it's a very crazy time in life. This transition, if not done properly, can leave you immature and jaded for the rest of your life. It's easier to just take one thing at a time, and not really plan for the future too much.

Most people tend to focus on the 'macro' life. They try to see where they will be financially, romantically, physically, years from now. They want to put a mark on the world, and usually that is achieved by making buko-bucks.

I think people should focus on the 'micro' life. Try and notice the little things that go right in your life. Jump the Navy hurdle when it comes (hell, if you want my opinion, don't jump it at all. Go to a regular college and party).

Just try not to think about it, go through life as a blank slate. Not apathetic, but not dramatic. Try to find a middle ground to where you can realize that life isn't always fair, or fun, or easy, and live through the parts that'll make you want to cry.

Remember:

It can't rain all the time.
-The Crow
 
Congratulation Chpal, though it may seem like your life is going to change over night, it really doesn’t. No one is suddenly expecting you to be a 65 year old man, with an established career, wife, kids, grandchildren, home, and getting ready to retire. You still have plenty of immature things to do ahead of you, plenty of mistakes to make. Just take it all a little bit at a time, and try to have fun with life as you will never get out of it alive.
 
Dude.... I totally know how you feel. I didn't want to get out of high school either. So many people are in such a rush to get out, I rather enjoyed not doing anything in school, spending long summer days chillin with my friends. It's a great time.

However, things don't change as much as you think. I am very shy and nervous when it comes to change. Anyone who really knows me will tell you that me and change don't get a long very well. Therefore, going to college was a big step for me. Meeting new people, learning a new routine is quite a daunting challenge when you're not all that outgoing(with strangers anyway ^^) However, if you just relax and take things one step at a time... everything will fall into place.

My advice, - relax. Enjoy the summer as much as you can. Don't regret. The worst thing you can do is waste time on regretting... so don't leave any room where you can think, "Damn I wish I had done that, and now I can't." Don't worry about the future... just worry about the present... that's all that matters for now. I'm sure you'll be fine. Congratulations on graduating and enjoy the summer.^^
 
Chpal, trust me when I say at 18, your best years are still to come. Have some fun!!!! :lol:
 
Since everyone is being supportive, I might as well be, too.

Seriously, everything everyone above me has said. Echo that again.

You sound like you actually already got a bit of a plan with the navy -> Navy Nuclear Porgram or Advance Electronics thing. That's a hell of a lot more than I had going through my mind when I graduated.

But really, the big bad real world really isn't that big or bad. Being an adult is something I have no idea about, and I'm 24, have a job, and own a house =\

Just keep your head level, roll with your interests, and keep moving forward. Don't question too much or you'll just end up spinning in circles cuz it's a mad world. (sorry, it just kinda rolled off the fingers there)

Chances are, you'll get so wrapped up with doing the Navy thing day in day out, you won't even recognize responsiblity until one day you just realize you've taken it up on your own and are doing your own thing without a second thought.

Life is silly, but not as crazy as it's cracked up to be. Or if it is, just different from what you expected your whole life.

Good luck with everthing, buddy.
 
Hey man,

in one week from 3 June, which is the friday that just passed, it will be exactly one year for me as well.

A year ago i was in your position man, walking down that aisle, getting my highschool cert, and realizing that i was moving on to the next portion of my life.

It's scary, moving on to a new phase of life, new friends, etc. You arent going to college right? So I wont give you the whole college story, but let me tell you, its never all that bad to move on.

Suicide is never a good way to go man, honestly. You have friends on this board who would also be hit hard by your death, not to mention your immediate family and friends. People always care, dont think they dont, and there are always people who will love you. Honsetly, i dont know you well and even I would be surprised if somehow the news of your death came to this board. I'll say this once and again for everyone to hear, not only you but if anyone else ever has problems, come to the qcdn boards and people will always be here to help you out.

I have more to say but i cant think of it right now :S
 
Well... everyone's pretty much said all I could think of saying...

Congratulations though, I'm sure you'll adjust and end up just fine ^^

I graduate on thursday... and I can't wait to leave and never return to my HS campus >_>
 
If it makes ya feel any better....

High school was not a walk in the park for me. Real life though more complicated and frustrating at least I can deal with easily. Real grown up life is more a matter of what I want from it. High school for me was pretty much your just along for a ride. It was a great ride but could get rocky here and there.

Me I like to be in control. Anyway since your going to the military, thats pretty much another ride which they can take good care of you. As long as no war. And after you finish your tour of duty the military should set you up better than most, so I think you don't have as much to worry about as you might think.

Relax.
 
Strid said:
As for growing up. The Navy will take care of that no worries haha. give it a week or two and you'll be more a man than you ever thought you could be.
Click to expand...

off topic i know, but am i the only one who thought this sounded really wrong? lol :lol:


... sorry
 
chpal

dont sweat it. I mean the whole growing up thing. I was all about that, grow up go to college find someone to love and have kids.

so i went to college and started dating and bought a house and it just fell right apart. Now after six years of school and building something up, I'm single, living with my parents, and starting all over again.

Even if you make plans, they fall through..

Your whole life is ahead of you. Embrace it, and live it - don't let it live you.
 
Omicrom said:
Strid said:
As for growing up. The Navy will take care of that no worries haha. give it a week or two and you'll be more a man than you ever thought you could be.
Click to expand...

off topic i know, but am i the only one who thought this sounded really wrong? lol :lol:


... sorry
Click to expand...

Dude bad joke.

I have thought about ending it all. I know suicide is not the answer, but god damn it wil end everything fast. My mother is the only one that is stopping me from doing that.
Click to expand...
 
So.... you are joining the navy. And you'll be a nuke too.... I'll put my experience to use and give you some advice. First, boot camp is fun as hell! At first you'll be miserable but, things will only get better. Its all a mental thing anyhow.... So, if you are positive it will be a good experience. Also, you are going to be in the nuclear program. Congratulations! You are pretty intelligent. I joined the navy at 18 and im sitting here now 19 years old turning 20 in august. Its a great job very hard work, but I enjoy it. I hope you'll enjoy your tour as well. Nuke's stay out on deployment longer than most with no e-mail, or anything, and they are on a sub with a bunch of seamen. If you don't like that kind of job go into something else. Nuke is stressful. Don't let recruiters push you around either if you don't want to do something don't! Look into what suits your interests. I am a Aviation Structural Mechanic (AM) and I love my job! First my recruiter talked me into AO (Aviation Ordinance) I talked with a AO and found out he didnt give me the whole story on that job....
So, I went back to MEPS and changed it. If he is trying to get you into Nuke cause it will get his quota (yes they do have quotas) go into a job you think will be interesting. So look at what they are offering. Nuke is the top job as far as scores, so you have any rate (job) in the navy open to you! Congratulations on your graduation and I hope you choose what is best for you. The "real world", as parents put it, isn't bad at all. If you do join the navy I'll probably be seeing ya on this base too! lol. Norfolk = largest naval base in the world. Anyhow, this is Mathias signing out!
 
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