All right. As I may have mentioned to some of you in game I have epilepsy, a very rare and sever kinda that causes cluster seizures rather than single ones. Meaning where a normal epileptic would have one seizure and wake up a little disoriented, I have 5 to 8 seizures in a very short time and wake up 6-8 hours later and can't remember my name and can't figure out what the hell is going on around me. In hte last three months I have had over forty of these type of seizures. This happens to me every now and then when I am under a lot of stress (which I have been having had several family members die recently) or when my body builds up an immunity to the medication that I am taking because I have to take such large doses to control my seizures. When this happens I have a great amny seizures in a short amount of time.
Due to extreme stress and a built up immunity to my mediaction I have been seizing a lot lately over hte last two or three months. My fiance, who lives with me, and pretty much takes care of me in times like this was in Chicago on business for several months.
Imagin if you will, what would happen to you if you put your brain in a paint mixer and ran electric shocks through it. As you can imagine, after so many of those your world starts to be pretty shaken up and the lines between dreams and reality becomes skewed and wavers. You start to hear and see things that aren't there. you can't tell reality from dreams because they both seem real. I have been halucinating rather badly lately. I do not know for how long or how badly it has been. This has happend to me before but it has never been so bad.
A crazy person does not know that they are crazy. That statement is very true. I had no idea what was happening to me until my fiance returned earlier today and took me straight to a doctor. I am now on medication given to schizophrenics to control hallucinations and will be until they can mix and match Seizure medications well enough to control my epilepsy. And until that time I will checking myself into a hospital, leaving this game and this message board for a time.
I do not know how much of what I remember about the last few months is real and what was fantasy. It all seems real to me. As clearity started coming into my mind this afternoon I began reading my journal that I write all of hte day's events in every night to try and figure that out what exactly has been happening lately. The entries for the past few weeks are completely incoherrant and the ones before that are not much better.
So the purpose of this post is not only to explain my coming absense but to appologize for anything that I have done or said over the past few months to piss any of you off unjustly. I have not been in my right mind for quite a while and I may have said things I did not mean to hurt people for no apparent reason or for imagined reasons. I appologize for anything that I may have said that was untrue or nonsensical as it was probably inspired by fantasies, dreams or hallucinations, all of which I was unable to distinguish from reality. As I said, I do not know what parts of the last little while have been real and what parts have not been. I don't quite have time right now to go through and search for all of my posts from the last few weeks so I thought just a general apology would have to do. If you must think badly of me for things I have done, then do so as it is your right. If you do not care to believe what I say here now then do not, it is your right to do so as well.
If there is nothing to appologize for then please disregard this post. I am checking myself into the hospital until I become stable enough to get on without supervision. When I return home I will most likely return to the game and possibly to these boards. I know that this doesn't exactly belong on hte flame board but it seems that more people come to this one than the others and so, it will be read by more people I may have wronged. So, with that, until I return, later all.
Due to extreme stress and a built up immunity to my mediaction I have been seizing a lot lately over hte last two or three months. My fiance, who lives with me, and pretty much takes care of me in times like this was in Chicago on business for several months.
Imagin if you will, what would happen to you if you put your brain in a paint mixer and ran electric shocks through it. As you can imagine, after so many of those your world starts to be pretty shaken up and the lines between dreams and reality becomes skewed and wavers. You start to hear and see things that aren't there. you can't tell reality from dreams because they both seem real. I have been halucinating rather badly lately. I do not know for how long or how badly it has been. This has happend to me before but it has never been so bad.
A crazy person does not know that they are crazy. That statement is very true. I had no idea what was happening to me until my fiance returned earlier today and took me straight to a doctor. I am now on medication given to schizophrenics to control hallucinations and will be until they can mix and match Seizure medications well enough to control my epilepsy. And until that time I will checking myself into a hospital, leaving this game and this message board for a time.
I do not know how much of what I remember about the last few months is real and what was fantasy. It all seems real to me. As clearity started coming into my mind this afternoon I began reading my journal that I write all of hte day's events in every night to try and figure that out what exactly has been happening lately. The entries for the past few weeks are completely incoherrant and the ones before that are not much better.
So the purpose of this post is not only to explain my coming absense but to appologize for anything that I have done or said over the past few months to piss any of you off unjustly. I have not been in my right mind for quite a while and I may have said things I did not mean to hurt people for no apparent reason or for imagined reasons. I appologize for anything that I may have said that was untrue or nonsensical as it was probably inspired by fantasies, dreams or hallucinations, all of which I was unable to distinguish from reality. As I said, I do not know what parts of the last little while have been real and what parts have not been. I don't quite have time right now to go through and search for all of my posts from the last few weeks so I thought just a general apology would have to do. If you must think badly of me for things I have done, then do so as it is your right. If you do not care to believe what I say here now then do not, it is your right to do so as well.
If there is nothing to appologize for then please disregard this post. I am checking myself into the hospital until I become stable enough to get on without supervision. When I return home I will most likely return to the game and possibly to these boards. I know that this doesn't exactly belong on hte flame board but it seems that more people come to this one than the others and so, it will be read by more people I may have wronged. So, with that, until I return, later all.
please take a break from this game, it sounds as if it has become very unhealthy for you. 
)