Loaning "Friends" Money

Arianelle

Arianelle

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Arianelle
I need to vent a bit because I am more infuriated than I can ever remember being (lots of text to follow)...

I loan a friend a considerable sum of money over a period of time out of the kindness of my heart. My first indication that there was gonna be some shit was when the friend made statements like "you don't have any real bills" or "you don't need that money," and further beyond those statements, the friend even had the audacity to call me a gold digger. Being the good friend I am, I attributed statements like those to the person being stressed about their own financial situation, but I still do not appreciate what that friend said nor their lack of respect for me and my generosity; and i really didn't appreciate their little 'analyses' of how, where, and when i spend my money that I work very hard to earn.

My friend would often tell me things like "I'll be out of all my debt by the end of the month (March)" and "I'll be able to this on blah blah day." So, knowing that this friend worked two jobs which both paid a decent amount, i took their word that they would pay me back after paying off their debts to bill collectors and such....

i'm not going to discount this friend by saying they paid nothing back. My friend bought me something while we were out together shopping and I told them that the cost of the gift (since I was gonna buy it myself anyway) would be used to take away from the total that they owed me. that was about a week ago. Today I mentioned to my friend that the time had passed that they would have paid off their debts saying something like "Now you're out of the hole, we can go out this weekend!" and the friend responds "We can go out, but you're paying." At first, I thought this was a joke, so I laughed a bit and said "Well I'll treat with the money you pay me back." The friend then confesses to me that he is broke.

The fact that the friend is broke is not what made me mad. It was the reason WHY they were broke. Now, I'm only going off what my friend told me earlier this week. First, he told me he bought the newest Lebron James' (shoes) and they were being shipped to him. Then, he told me that he purchased his plane ticket for a vacation in Florida with his best friend's family. While I was aware before today that this friend was making such purchases, I had no idea that this friend intended to do all this things and not offer me one cent towards what I'd lent them.

My issue is this: if you had all that money to buy shoes and plane tickets, why are you not able to offer me anything towards money I lent you? Why are your priorities so skewed that it is more important to you to buy new shoes than pay off a friend? I'm thinking now that my friend was really saying things like "you don't need that money" just so they could blow me off when it came to paying me back.

I didn't think I'd have to get all 'legal' on a very good friend of mine with promissory notes and scheduled payment plans, so now it just looks like I'm SOL. So now i'm in a predicament where i need to borrow from a family member and let some things go unpaid for longer than i would like to.

Stuff like this really makes me want to stop being a nice, giving person.
 
I'm truly sorry about waht happened to you. When your friend made those first two statements, that where I would've said "Uh no, I'm not going to give you any money" or something along that.

Tell him he needs to pay you back..or else you will beat the snot out of him. :p

I don't think you should stop being a nice and caring person, I think it's just be more careful about what you do things with your money. Not to be mean, but I'm kinda going to assume he will think that your the person he can mooch off of.
 
money + friends = disaster
 
I know this guy is your friend but seriously he sounds like a complete and utter asshole. He went and borrowed cash then when he went and managed to get out of debt, prioritized buying new SHOES and holiday tickets over paying back their friend. Especially when you are in need of the cash. Not to mention the general way he talks about you and your money.

It sounds to me like he is just using you, and if not then he is a complete ass.

I'm aware this is a friend of yours and i'm sorry but this is my view and even if he is a friend i find it hard to see how you would have a different one.

If i were you i would give him a deadline to pay you back and if he doesn't then sue. It sucks and realistically will ruin the friendship but he sounds like a pretty shitty friend anyway.
 
Rinoah said:
If i were you i would give him a deadline to pay you back and if he doesn't then sue. It sucks and realistically will ruin the friendship but he sounds like a pretty shitty friend anyway.
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I agree. Get your and his lawyer's together and discuss this, say you need your money back by this date, or you will sue him. Maybe with your lawyer with you, he will realize how serious this is.

Something happened like that with my mom's co-worker. Her step children broke into her house and stole a bunch of stuff like a car, computer etc. They had a meeting basically saying "Give me my stuff back by this date, or I'll see you in court" Needless to say, she got her stuff back :)
 
Tok said:
money + friends = disaster
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QFT.

In my experience, it's always better to look at loans to friends as gifts if you can possibly afford to do so. That way, if they do pay ya back, it comes as a pleasant surprise. If they don't, then . . . well . . . might be time to reassess just how good a friend they really are.

Sorry to hear this happened to ya Aria :(, and yes, I think you're right on the (*ahem*) money in thinking that his little comments like "you don't need it," etc., were his way of justifying to himself the stiffing he was already planning on giving you.

What kind of idiot values a frikkin pair of shoes over a good friend?

Well . . . besides Amelda Marcos I mean :P
 
Ive been in several situations like this, with both friends and family.. Im sorry, but in the end I put my foot down, and I either got back what I asked for and stopped talking to them, or just... stopped talking to them lol. I refuse to have friends that act in such a way. But there really isnt a lot I can do with the family members, other than refuse them any requests.
 
Get a lawyer and sue his ass.

It can work. You can double the price too!
 
My father told me "Never lend more money than you're willing to lose." With this I lend money to friends no strings attached. If they don't give it back, I know what kind of friend I am to them, and it's usually a cheap lesson learned. I don't cry about it or be confrontational; it's just not worth it for a half-assed friend anyway.

To the OP, sorry to hear about your situation. Life Lesson skillup! :D
 
Like several people above me said, don't lend money to friends and expect to get it back. When you loan out money just consider it gone. Personally, I don't loan money out to anyone except family that I trust. I'll borrow like 10, 20 bucks, but no big sums.
I don't think you have much of a case in court, unless you have evidence stating that this person said they would pay you back by such and such a date. Since you just up and loaned them the money with no papers or strings attached, your SOL.
 
crookedmidget said:
My father told me "Never lend more money than you're willing to lose." With this I lend money to friends no strings attached. If they don't give it back, I know what kind of friend I am to them, and it's usually a cheap lesson learned. I don't cry about it or be confrontational; it's just not worth it for a half-assed friend anyway.

To the OP, sorry to hear about your situation. Life Lesson skillup! :D
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My mom told me the same thing: "Never lend more than you can afford to give away." It is partially my fault because I'm a shopaholic and got myself into a situation where I may need them to pay me back.

I definitely learned my lesson about this friend though. Not to say that I won't help my friends, but I don't think this guy is considered a friend anymore. Even after speaking with him on the phone, he still can't understand why I'm upset. "It's not like you need the money" he says..

Why pay for his vacation and shoes when I could be paying for my own?! He just doesn't get it...
 
Arianelle said:
My mom told me the same thing: "Never lend more than you can afford to give away." It is partially my fault because I'm a shopaholic and got myself into a situation where I may need them to pay me back.

I definitely learned my lesson about this friend though. Not to say that I won't help my friends, but I don't think this guy is considered a friend anymore. Even after speaking with him on the phone, he still can't understand why I'm upset. "It's not like you need the money" he says..

Why pay for his vacation and shoes when I could be paying for my own?! He just doesn't get it...
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He is clearly an arrogant ass who thinks he is the only person who works hard for money and he has it harder than everyone else.

I'm not sure which is worse deliberately coercing you into loaning him cash then bailing on paying you back, or just being so damn retarded that you think everyone else has no issues and your the only person who needs cash.

At any rate he doesn't sound like a very good friend, although i gather you already got that. I just like reitterating and insulting people ^^.

Well best of luck with your cash issues, and friend issues, feel free to shoot me a /tell ingame sometime.
 
Rinoah said:
He is clearly an arrogant ass who thinks he is the only person who works hard for money and he has it harder than everyone else.

At any rate he doesn't sound like a very good friend, although i gather you already got that. I just like reitterating and insulting people ^^.
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Lol keep the insults coming =)
 
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Arianelle said:
Lol keep the insults coming =)
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I will!. Meh i just hate useless people, and he sounds very useless. Plus i've had people use me before and it really isn't pleasant. I advise ditching him before you end up getting into a situation where you really need to rely on him and he abandons you.

And on the insulting front, useless arrogant selfish hypocritic shitheaded bastard.
 
If I were in your shoes I would make this guys life a living hell. I don't know you or him so really I can't suggest anything that would do maximum physical/mental damage, but I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can come up with something. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about piss in the shampoo or some childish prank here. I'm talking about like heaving a big rock through the back windshield of his car or stealing his TV or computer or something like that. This one time me and my brother threw a molotov cocktail through the back windshield of this asshole's brand new Firebird. Get your moneys worth, you know?
 
Excalibr said:
If I were in your shoes I would make this guys life a living hell. I don't know you or him so really I can't suggest anything that would do maximum physical/mental damage, but I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can come up with something. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about piss in the shampoo or some childish prank here. I'm talking about like heaving a big rock through the back windshield of his car or stealing his TV or computer or something like that. This one time me and my brother threw a molotov cocktail through the back windshield of this asshole's brand new Firebird. Get your moneys worth, you know?
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You are seriously evil..... (Can I add you to my Friend List?) :biggrin:

On a serious note.. I don't think I could do something that mean to anybody. Curse of having trust in good will toward others *insert smiley with halo emoticon*
 
Lmao i couldn't either and i think the guy is an utter bastard. Just seems like massive overkill to me. Especially as you risk criminal record/jail from doing such.
 
Damn, you live in Baltimore. I'd do it for you if you lived in CO :P I haven't done anything real bad to anyone in a long time, I'm overdue.

That time I talked about was completely justified though. Long story short: The asshole we did it to came into our apartment in the middle of the day, hit one of my friends over the head with a baseball bat, hit me in the gut with it, then his little henchmen hit my brother in the face with a pair of brass knuckles, then grabbed about $800 worth of shit and ran off. So the motherfucker got what he had comin to him.
 
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