lolblog

[Grandphoenix]

1. Fork in the Road

Many look back upon their lives and reminisce over the events where their lives had a significant change, some with the thought of "I wish I did this.." or "Things would have worked out for the better if I only would had.."; others perfectly content with the route they have selected. I, on the other hand, do this in reverse and try to predict (and do so to a fairly precise accuracy) the outcome of these paths and select accordingly to which seems to be what I favor. As I draw near the completion (okay still have a few more years to go, I can only blame myself for changing to a double major + Masters program) of university, the largest paths are Career or Family.

• Career - The wisest career move at the moment would be to continue my education and earn a Doctorate degree. In order to make the impact I'd like to make though I would need to spend near 100% of my active life on doing so. There's always the off chance of "luck" simplifying this process; however, I'm not counting on it. With this much time necessary to possibly accomplish nothing of value to mankind or to change the life of every living person, I feel it's selfish to have a family where the children and their mother would be neglected from the attention they rightly deserve.
• Family - Despite having a shitty upbringing I still desire to reproduce eventually. In order to be the Father I'd like to be it would come at sacrifice of career and most likely become stuck settling into a career track that isn't very similar to anything I'd actually want to be investing a large portion of my life into but, the bills would be paid and the family stable. The utilitarian in me can't decide if this personal desire to produce 2-3 children and hopefully raise them to be prepared, productive, and benevolent people of the world outweighs making a direct impact myself. Being codependant and having that typical fear of being alone when finally dying also makes this a desirable option.
• Both- You may be thinking why don't you balance it out 50/50? I've pondered it myself, but I'm really seeing that as being only possible in an ideal situation for both branches and I believe it to be near impossible in the world as it stands today. I know myself to have an addictive personality that can very easily lead me into becoming a workaholic if I'm seeing progress. Nonetheless, I also have a masochistic personality (non-sexually of course) that can work in either route.

I'm not entirely sure how to conclude this as it's obviously a continuing situation that will end only when my life does.

 

[Morcheeba]

Well this is how I see it. Many people miss out on what could be a great family life, they miss out on their childrens lives as children in order to provide all they can and the very best, when at the end of the day most adults look back and say 'yeah it was nice we had everything we wanted, but what we really wanted was my dad to be home more'. Dad ends up regretting the missed 'years', and the kids feel they never really knew or had much of a father growing up. He was there sometimes and we'd go on a trip once and a while, he was on his BB most of that trip... and so on. Just the bread winner, just the man who made sure we had the roof over our heads. So it's a very hard call.

It's no different in my mind than not being 'plugged in' to your children when they're small. You still have a large gap that they will feel regardless of what you were trying to do with that time.

You can be happy with what you can do and what you have and put your efforts in life itself, or you can charge headfirst into a very successful career to make the most of your families lives, but is that what they will want?

I struggle with the concept, neither me nor my spouse are college grads, I've taken a few courses and he started working after graduating high-school. He had no choice and I made bad choices. But if either of us were working 10 hour days, it wouldn't work, period. I struggle thinking because I didn't pursue higher education my daughter isn't as likely to, that's bogus though. I struggle thinking we don't make enough to really give her everything, but again, at the end of the day the very best thing we can give her regardless of whether we win a mega lottery or bank 6 figures, is.our.time.

So it's you man, it's all you. These are your wants and needs, and I think in order to have a fulfilled life you need to balance it, that usually means your career takes the back seat, as it should imo.

Good luck with all you do =) You need to do whatever is going to make you happy. Often times that includes sacrifices we'd rather not make.

 

[Ecks]

Hmm.. that is definitely a tough decision to make. I don't feel I can adequately offer any actual advice other than throwing my own way of life out there.

I am not like you at all, as far as your planning ahead goes. It looks like you've obviously given this a lot of thought. That's something I just don't really do myself, plan far ahead. My planning ahead is more for like something that's going to happen in a weeks time or maybe even a months time or a few months at most. I live my life pretty much day by day and go with the flow of whatever happens.

That's kind of how I landed in my current career field or Corrections. It just so happened at my last crap job working a convenience store (nearly 5 years ago), I was looking to find a new job after fruitless attempts of gaining a higher position than a mere clerk, and a man walked in one day on his way to work. He was wearing a white uniform shirt with some logo of patches on his sleeves and dark blue pants with a grey pinstripe on the sides. It looked like a type of law enforcement dress and he looked fairly sharp in it but I wasn't familiar with what it was so I asked him about it when he came up to the counter. He told me briefly about the company he worked for and that they managed the county jail, and then he told me about how much he was making a year. Yep, my eyes lit up with dollar signs and I knew right away I needed that kind of a paying job. Plus it sounded like something I could do and I was definitely willing to try it out. I let him know I was looking for a new job and he gave me the name of the HR lady and a number to call and told me to stop by the jail and pick up an application.

Well nearly 5 years later I'm still with it. After an employer change and even a small bit of a pay cut. I've learned a lot in that bit of time and have changed how I go about doing my work. I'm less slack on certain things I deem petty while I still don't give in to what I believe to be wrong. I've seen a lot of people (co-workers) in this line of work come and go, some for the better, and unfortunately some for the worse. Though I do intend to stick with this as a career unless something drastic or unexpected happens. I enjoy what I do, even if it isn't anything I ever thought I would be doing back when I was in High School.

As far as Family goes, well.. I don't feel I'm ready for one right now. Not really even ready for a girlfriend, though I do admit it would be nice to have sometimes. In this aspect I feel like.. I'll find someone who's right for me eventually, It'll happen. Though I also admit I'm not exactly out there looking for that someone either. *shrug* It's been a long, long time since I've had a real relationship so when I do get involved with someone I think I'm going to be very cautious, yet at the same time like I live my life, it'll be one day at a time.

 

[Serigala]

I've weighed options like that before myself, and really yeah it all comes down to what makes you the most happy. What Morcheeba said with 'yeah it was nice we had everything we wanted, but what we really wanted was my dad to be home more' rings true with me too, as my dad was never home since he was working, and I would've preferred it if he had been home rather than try to prove all the time that he was the provider to the family. Doing things for yourself while also doing things for your potential family can be stressful, and not just for you but for the kids and your wife too. Sometimes you can't keep everyone happy.

I don't blame my dad for choosing the path he did. I didn't end up terribly (so I think) and I do ponder what life would've been like had he been home more. Less fighting maybe? More relaxed way of living? Putting family values before affluence? At least, that's how I'd like to live now, personally. You have to decide what's best for you.

While I do think you'll be busy going for your doctorates, I don't think this to be a selfish path at all, especially if you're going to use it for the good of not just yourself but spreading your knowledge and resourcefulness to others. You can maybe probably depending on your situation be able to raise a family later. I know I'd like to.

My fiance and I talked about it and we're gonna try to have kids later, after we're all settled together. I just graduated college and she still has two years to go. I decided to establish a foundation for us so that when she gets out she'll be happy, and we can enjoy our time together for several years whilst making some money before starting up a family. Everything now is just sort of falling into place, so all I can say is, what will make you happiest down the road, and how do you think you can get there?