Muktor sat quietly at at her table for two, waiting for her date to arrive.
"That bitch better not stand me up, I booted his ass up", she thought to herself as she played with her silverware in anticipation. Well... as much as a Battle Bot can play with silverware.
Suddenly, as if on cue, Muktor faintly heard the familiar thuds of 850lbs of steel walking down the street. She looked at the clock on her HUD. 6:58pm... 2 minutes early.
As humans scattered around the sidewalk, screaming in fear, Muktor felt the thuds get closer. She did not need to look towards the sounds to know that it was Jansiva, the only other Battle Bot on Earth.
Muktor and Jansiva met in a very rare, freak accident. Muktor's home planet, Muktukaluktuktuk, was destroyed by the Emperor as he swept across the galaxy in his secret iDeathstar Mini. Billions of efficient Battle Bots lost their firmwares that day, but fortunately a handful were repairing an orbital satellite and were able to escape the iDeathstar Mini's wrath by initiating their escape protocols and using the planet's debris as cover to escape.
Jansiva, instilled with the PEN15 module so rare to Battle Bots, was also a refugee. His home planet, Zipzopzippitybop, was so indulgent on it's own technological advancement that they sucked themselves into a black hole created by Zipzopzippitybop scientists. Jansiva was out collecting jagons from a neighbouring galaxy at the time of the incident. Upon returning to find his home planet deleted from existence, Jansiva emo-ly initiated his escape protocol to /random for a bearing and shut himself down, wishing that he had a self-destruct sequence to end the pain, misery, sorrow, etc etc.
10 thousand billion years later, both Jansiva and Muktor landed on Earth at almost the exact same time - in the same back alley of New York, no less. Muktor, who confided fully in her escape protocol, was automatically rebooted when her pod landed.
Once her OS had loaded, she immediately recognized the other Battle Bot pod in the alley. Muktor excitingly waddled over to it, hoping it was another survivor from Muktukaluktuktuk. Upon scanning the UPC code on the pod's chassis, she learned it was a PEN15-equipped model from Zipzopzippitybop.
"A mate... at last." She ensured Jansiva's components were fully functional, and upon successful tests she pushed his power button. Jansiva's first object on-screen was the most welcoming sight he had ever seen.
That was two weeks ago. Jansiva and Muktor have been inseparable since that fateful day, and have been renting a two-story loft apartment together. They spend many days frolicking in the parks and destroying intergalactic alien buttholes with their light-speed spitball cannons.
The thuds drew closer. The streets were a mess of taxi cabs and Honda Civics, the drivers long since deserting their vehicles for fear of their lives.
Unable to open any doors, Jansiva literally walked through the main entrance to the restaurant. He scanned the hostesses with his x-ray vision for several minutes.
Muktor, knowing exactly what he was up to, had to respond. She fired an AIM-9 Sidewinder missile at his head from the reversible launcher in her forearm. The explosion could be felt 3 city blocks away as it blasted the restaurant into thousands of burning mahogany splinters. Jansiva knew he was in trouble.
"Sorry." he output monotonously.
As Jansiva began to walk towards the charred remains of table where Muktor sat, his Botty-sense started tingling. Being a common module to all Battle Bots, Muktor felt it as well.
"No... please, no..." Jansiva murmured in fear.
"Not like this..." Muktor replied.
That was it. The time of prophecy was at hand. Their one weakness had been exploited, which by design would trigger a protocol the Battle Bots were never informed of: the Atomic Splinter. Much like a nuclear warhead, every Battle Bot was built with a single Hydrogen atom encased near their quantum cores. When the time was right, this Hydrogen atom was to be split in half causing a fission reaction so deadly, everything living and dead within 15 miles from ground zero would be obliterated.
Of course, with such deadly power hidden deep within them, the activation procedure for the Atomic Splinter protocol had to be very elusive. Battle Bot developers designed this protocol to initiate on very rare, unheard-of consequences that it would determine itself based on the environment of the world the Battle Bot is on.
In Earth's case, Atomic Splinter was designed to activate under conditions nobody thought would ever be met:
AtomicSplinter.applaunch{A Canadian must acquire the highest post count on www.qcdn.org}
New York was almost completely destroyed. Jansiva and Muktor nothing but memories (however they were later identified as Al Qaeda WMDs by the CIA). 4 million Americans turned to dust, and another 8 million would suffer from fallout-related sickness over the following 45 years.
All because I'm a post whore. Fuck. Sorry guys. But hey, I beat Sneaky's count!
"That bitch better not stand me up, I booted his ass up", she thought to herself as she played with her silverware in anticipation. Well... as much as a Battle Bot can play with silverware.
Suddenly, as if on cue, Muktor faintly heard the familiar thuds of 850lbs of steel walking down the street. She looked at the clock on her HUD. 6:58pm... 2 minutes early.
As humans scattered around the sidewalk, screaming in fear, Muktor felt the thuds get closer. She did not need to look towards the sounds to know that it was Jansiva, the only other Battle Bot on Earth.
Muktor and Jansiva met in a very rare, freak accident. Muktor's home planet, Muktukaluktuktuk, was destroyed by the Emperor as he swept across the galaxy in his secret iDeathstar Mini. Billions of efficient Battle Bots lost their firmwares that day, but fortunately a handful were repairing an orbital satellite and were able to escape the iDeathstar Mini's wrath by initiating their escape protocols and using the planet's debris as cover to escape.
Jansiva, instilled with the PEN15 module so rare to Battle Bots, was also a refugee. His home planet, Zipzopzippitybop, was so indulgent on it's own technological advancement that they sucked themselves into a black hole created by Zipzopzippitybop scientists. Jansiva was out collecting jagons from a neighbouring galaxy at the time of the incident. Upon returning to find his home planet deleted from existence, Jansiva emo-ly initiated his escape protocol to /random for a bearing and shut himself down, wishing that he had a self-destruct sequence to end the pain, misery, sorrow, etc etc.
10 thousand billion years later, both Jansiva and Muktor landed on Earth at almost the exact same time - in the same back alley of New York, no less. Muktor, who confided fully in her escape protocol, was automatically rebooted when her pod landed.
Once her OS had loaded, she immediately recognized the other Battle Bot pod in the alley. Muktor excitingly waddled over to it, hoping it was another survivor from Muktukaluktuktuk. Upon scanning the UPC code on the pod's chassis, she learned it was a PEN15-equipped model from Zipzopzippitybop.
"A mate... at last." She ensured Jansiva's components were fully functional, and upon successful tests she pushed his power button. Jansiva's first object on-screen was the most welcoming sight he had ever seen.
That was two weeks ago. Jansiva and Muktor have been inseparable since that fateful day, and have been renting a two-story loft apartment together. They spend many days frolicking in the parks and destroying intergalactic alien buttholes with their light-speed spitball cannons.
The thuds drew closer. The streets were a mess of taxi cabs and Honda Civics, the drivers long since deserting their vehicles for fear of their lives.
Unable to open any doors, Jansiva literally walked through the main entrance to the restaurant. He scanned the hostesses with his x-ray vision for several minutes.
Muktor, knowing exactly what he was up to, had to respond. She fired an AIM-9 Sidewinder missile at his head from the reversible launcher in her forearm. The explosion could be felt 3 city blocks away as it blasted the restaurant into thousands of burning mahogany splinters. Jansiva knew he was in trouble.
"Sorry." he output monotonously.
As Jansiva began to walk towards the charred remains of table where Muktor sat, his Botty-sense started tingling. Being a common module to all Battle Bots, Muktor felt it as well.
"No... please, no..." Jansiva murmured in fear.
"Not like this..." Muktor replied.
That was it. The time of prophecy was at hand. Their one weakness had been exploited, which by design would trigger a protocol the Battle Bots were never informed of: the Atomic Splinter. Much like a nuclear warhead, every Battle Bot was built with a single Hydrogen atom encased near their quantum cores. When the time was right, this Hydrogen atom was to be split in half causing a fission reaction so deadly, everything living and dead within 15 miles from ground zero would be obliterated.
Of course, with such deadly power hidden deep within them, the activation procedure for the Atomic Splinter protocol had to be very elusive. Battle Bot developers designed this protocol to initiate on very rare, unheard-of consequences that it would determine itself based on the environment of the world the Battle Bot is on.
In Earth's case, Atomic Splinter was designed to activate under conditions nobody thought would ever be met:
AtomicSplinter.applaunch{A Canadian must acquire the highest post count on www.qcdn.org}
New York was almost completely destroyed. Jansiva and Muktor nothing but memories (however they were later identified as Al Qaeda WMDs by the CIA). 4 million Americans turned to dust, and another 8 million would suffer from fallout-related sickness over the following 45 years.
All because I'm a post whore. Fuck. Sorry guys. But hey, I beat Sneaky's count!
