- Joined
- Aug 2, 2005
- Messages
- 813
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Very few of you know me in game, and are familar with the almost painful, frustratingly slow snail's pace at which I play. It's ... important ... for me to note, when I write this, that I started to play Final Fantasy XI very close to the North American release. I wasn't here on opening day, by any means ... but mere weeks afterward, I was a Rank 1, Level 1, subjob-less Tarutaru black mage. Eyes not yet open, I was stumbling weakly out onto the fields of East Sarutabaruta.
I died to the second crawler I encountered. Not the first; it was 90% dead already. I still remember that.
I can still remember the way I felt as I carefully watched the little cutscene for each race on the character creation scene. I already knew what I wanted, but I didn't really want to miss anything, either. I remember making my selections -- Tarutaru, male, face 2, and "large size." I mean, I had to be honest with myself ... knowing the kind of human being I am, even if I was magically transformed into a Tarutaru, I'd probably be a pretty damn big one. As most others seemed to have gone the route of emphasizing the racial dimunitiveness, I still dwarf almost every other Taru I meet to this day.
I remember gazing silently at my finished product for a few moments, trying to let a name for my alter-ego come naturally. In the end, I named him something like I felt he "looked" like. At the time, I wasn't aware that the inhabitants of Windurst were all named nonsense like "Amigo-Wuhmigo" ... I just knew he looked like an unnatural love child of a Tolkienesqe halfling and J.M. Barry's Peter Pan.
In the months to follow, I learned many things, and saw many things change. I remember first learning as a "rumor" among the fledgling NA community that there was a cap on how far you could take each craft skill -- I couldn't get everything to 100, like I was planning! 100 in one, 60 in everything else? Phaw! I scoffed at the notion openly. It was too stupid to be real.
My first linkshell, Huang Long.
I remember fishing for the first time, and begging (in broken, 2-year-old Japanese) a "god" -- a higher-up, level 70, Japanese alchemist -- to "fix" my broken Carbon rod. There were no Halcyon rods then. There were no sweat droplets, or difficulty messages to measure by, nor any fish tug-of-wars. It was impossible to lose a rod while repairing back then ... a failed synth was just a broken crystal.
I remember the patch that raised the level cap to 75 ... it didn't interest me at the time, because to a Rank 2, level 15 newb, 70 and 75 were both equally close to an unattainable sky.
I wait with linkshell members (including real-life friend, Ardenbruk) for our full alliance to arrive, and complete rank 5. We wanted that airship pass!
I remember the patch that introduced some confusing activity called "Dynamis," which seemed to be a strange new toy for the Japanese players. The highest English-speaking peer I knew at the time was 58, and his aged opinion was that the whole thing would die off as a fad.
I remember giant trees in the fields of Sarutabaruta, trees that would yield a vague "reward" if defeated. I was too scared to come within yards of them, though our server won out in the end. My understanding at the time was that the reward had something to do with transportation, but as I had barely set foot into Tahrongi Canyon at that point, the concept meant little to me.
I remember making a very conscious decision to sub red mage over white, at a time when such a thing was considered sheer idiocy ... maybe that makes me like one of these stubborn n00bs who refuse to change gimp subs today. I don't know.
I remember when Buburimu Peninsula wasn't an abandoned wasteland, and could boast at least a third of the newbie numbers as Valkurm Dunes. I levelled my first subjob there.
Ardenbruk and I help Zosmaa get all the stuff together for her subjob quest, about 2.5 years ago. Buburimu has already become a ghost town, with all newb jobs now making a beeline straight for Valkurm. This is probably one of the last times that I was a higher level than either of them.
I could go on and on, and bore all of you to tears more than I already have. I'll just conclude by saying that ... at around that point in time, I also strongly believed that the moment I just experienced last night was something I expected to come to years ago. YEARS ago. I expected to be there within less than a year. I certainly never dreamed that I would finally, FINALLY creep up upon it in the summer of 2007.
Alas, the best laid plans of mice and men ... it turns out I don't really have the constitution for hardcore, nonstop grinding that so many seem to easily find. Within six months, I began to log on less and less ... until I finally stopped altogether, for the better part of a year-and-a-half. Oh, I'd still pop in occassionally -- once a real-life season at most -- to say hello to my real-life friends that were still playing ... but for the most part, I'd "quit" early in every sense of the word. Aside from my occassional "what's up" login, there was nothing.
During one of those casual entrances, however, something struck my interest. I can't even remember what it is now, but I ended up logging in the next day to check up on it. I logged in the next day as well. And the next. And the next. Slowly, my engine got started again ... my fire rekindled, I began to play regularly. Did I take my mid-level job and start grinding? NOOOO. I fished ... for a YEAR. I would phase in-and-out from semi-regular play to very intermittent play ... but nothing like my original "break."
"What the HELL? Mandragoras ... in JEUNO!? Those crazy kids, and their Rock and/or Roll!" --- One of many surprising moments that I encountered upon my return to the changed world of Vanadiel.
Slowly ... oh, ever so slowly, my black mage broke out of his year-long stagnancy of being perpetually at level 50. Good friends I had helped introduce to the game -- and whom I had somewhat served as a mentor to before I initially left -- were now wealthy and powerful beyond my imagination, and knew things I couldn't possibly have dreamed of. Suddenly, I was a very small fish in a friggin' huge pond.
Progress, my desperate attempt to "catch up," was slow. 51, 52 ... stop to fish for four weeks ... 53, 54 ... Oh, God, I've got catch my subjob up ... 55 ... crap, I'm going to school, can't play now ... 56, 57 ... am I high enough to static with my old "students," yet?
You get the picture.
It was around this time that I created an account here, at QCDN. Like the game, I can often go weeks (or even more than a month) without any sort of activity ... only to come raging back with a sudden surge of enthusiasm. I can honestly say, however, that you guys have helped me keep my interest.
So, it came to pass, after what's coming up on four years of play, I eventually collapsed ... exhausted ... into this moment:
I readily admit that, having played as long as I have, it's somewhat embarassing that I hadn't done this on any job ... not even once. It's a big moment for me, however. More than once, I began to assume it would never happen. Most elements of the "true" endgame ... big HNMs, hardcore Dynamis/Limbus, meriting for infinity, etc ... seemed forever out of reach for me, as I didn't seem to have the patience/time/durability to make myself endure the game's frustrating and boring elements long enough to reap the rewards.
Last night, I proved myself wrong, at least somewhat. I sacrificed sleep just to make sure I would do it, that I COULD do it ... it really has been that long in coming.
Thank you to those that had the unimaginable patience to trudge through this entire post. I know that this can't be interesting to anyone but me, that it was exceptionally long and sappy, and that it was very image-heavy and not very friendly to bandwidth.
I also know that "z0MG im 75 n0wz!" threads come and go like the seeds of a dandelion, and nothing makes mine any more special than any other. Still ... for me, it feels different, somehow. It's almost like I managed to "finish" something that I started a long time ago, and had long since assumed would never be done. I know that, realisitically, most people don't consider maxing the level on a single job anything CLOSE to completion, but still ... the feeling is there.
Thanks to all of you who have helped make this possible for me. Thanks for being a "human" element of the game that helped me maintain at least a minimum level of interest, and never let me fade away completely. Thanks to those of you who put up with my frustrating, grumbling fickleness when it comes to my current "attitude" towards the game. You know who you are.
Thank you.
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Congratulations, i've been playing over 2 years now and i'm still yet to fight Maat even, I think i'm on my 4th character due to various mishaps. Now get yourself fully meritted and kick some more ass 
