one hell of a way to start the new year...again...uncle #2

[Chasym]

so im sitting here, getting ready to head to bed.
and i get a phone call from my mom, figuring she was just updating me on my daughter because she is staying over night there tonight, i get the complete opposite.
My aunt came home to find her boyfriend, who i still consider an uncle, laying at the foot of the steps, Pale and white, his lips were blue.
She called an ambulance, called my grandfather, my grandfather called my mom, and my dad and brother ran over there before the ambulance arrived.
My dad, who is no stranger to this sort of thing told my mom that he was dead. you could just tell by looking at him.
The ambulance showed up and proceeded to try and revive him as they loaded him up.
The Driver told my father he was dead.
No one told my aunt that, she still is out there hoping they save him.

My mom had called to ask me to drive my aunt to the hospital, she couldnt go in the ambulance because she had my other uncles son...whom is probly somewhere drunk out of his mind right now anyway.
as usual.
My mom then realized i have a headlight out and figured it best for me not to go.
so she was going to run and get gas and take my aunt there.

So while im sitting here after i hang up trying to process all this, i start wondering how the hell it happened and if there was a chance he could be revived.
I didnt know anything at this point besides they found him at the foot of the stairs and my dad said he was dead.

So i call my mom back, she puts me on hold immediatley and i sit there for about 15 minutes.
She finally answers and tells me the details.
She said she just dropped off my aunt who was a mess, completely hysterical.
my mom said she could not find any words to say to her, there was nothing.
And she did not have the heart to tell her what the ambulance driver told me dad, she just couldnt do it.
She is currently heading to pick up my other uncle so he can be there to comfort my aunt and so she is not alone at the hospital worrying.
I sit here awaiting the update phone call.
Which when i first heard the news was hopeful,
but when i heard the details immediatley became the feeling of dread and preperation for the worst.
because it would have to be a miracle if they saved him.
Chances are he was drunk, he often was.
but still...this is terrible and my body is fighting emotions because im on anti depressants, its a combat of non worry and dread for me right now.
Im worried for my aunt...and im going to miss the guy.
He would just talk to me all the time about playing guitar, and then freak out whenever i showed him a magic trick because as he would say time and time again "my mind just cant comprehend this, its impossible...you have got to be worshipping the devil or something."
i wont be going to bed any time soon.


Edit:
Just got the update call.
Hes gone. My little brother heard about it and went up there to see how everyone was holding up and told my mom they brought out his personal belongings to my aunt and said he was gone.
shes taking it very bad. Im gonna go try to lay down.

 

[Excalibur]

Chances are he was drunk, he often was.

Doesn't sound like you thought too highly of him, so why do you give a shit if he's dead or not?

 

[Makelith]

Just because he didn't think highly of him, which that quote alone doesn't do anything to suggest, doesn't mean they deserve death. If you really think that you probably have some emotional problems and should get checked out.

 

[Excalibur]

Just because he didn't think highly of him, which that quote alone doesn't do anything to suggest, doesn't mean they deserve death. If you really think that you probably have some emotional problems and should get checked out.

I never said he deserved death. Way to twist my words there bud.

 

[Makelith]

Fair enough. I'll see your point and raise you that even asking a question like that shows you don't have a whole lot of respect for the situation at hand.

 

[Romper]

Man Chasym the hits just keep coming at you for you and your family this holiday season. I'm sorry to hear about the lose of your uncle. Not much anyone can say except just be there for your aunt as it's hard for someone to lose their husband. I just hope he wasn't there for long.

 

[Excalibur]

Fair enough. I'll see your point and raise you that even asking a question like that shows you don't have a whole lot of respect for the situation at hand.

Quite the opposite. I'm trying to make Chas realize that it's not such a big deal. So someone died, big deal, people die everyday, cycle of life. If they weren't that close, there's no reason to get all upset or lose sleep, especially with all the shit Chas is going through right now if you read his other thread, he shouldn't have to worry about this on top of all the other stuff.
When I was somewhere around 10 my dad's dad died, and you know what I did when I found out? I went on with my day as usual, I really couldn't have cared less. Why? I didn't really know the guy, I saw him 3 or 4 times a year, and that was it, we weren't close. The most disturbing thing I got out of my grandpa's death was seeing my dad cry at the funeral, something I've seen only 2 or 3 times in my life and something I hope to never see again. I'm not sure where I was going with this story, other than as an example of why you shouldn't get so upset over death.

 

[Makelith]

Using the context, it was his Aunt's boyfriend, but he still considered him an uncle. This alone pretty much points out that he was already closer to him then you were to your grandpa.

I suppose that my only problem with what you said is that you are basing it on a fairly strong assumption. I am too, but i have a bit bigger of a clue to go off of.

 

[Excalibur]

Using the context, it was his Aunt's boyfriend, but he still considered him an uncle. This alone pretty much points out that he was already closer to him then you were to your grandpa.

I suppose that my only problem with what you said is that you are basing it on a fairly strong assumption. I am too, but i have a bit bigger of a clue to go off of.

Yeah, that's true, I am. If I'm wrong and the two were really really close then Chas can ignore what I said, but I doubt they were close enough to merit mourning over death. I guess we won't know till Chas decides to log back in.

And what do you mean you have a bigger clue to go off of? We both read the same post.

 

[Makelith]

And what do you mean you have a bigger clue to go off of? We both read the same post.

Yes, but your quote didn't really reflect any personal feelings, merely stating a fact. Mine, the way i took it showed that he did have personal feelings for him, and pretty darn good ones at that.

Chances are he was drunk, he often was.

This quote, with this response.

Doesn't sound like you thought too highly of him, so why do you give a shit if he's dead or not?

My quote:

My aunt came home to find her boyfriend, who i still consider an uncle

I suppose its about perspective. One of my best friends is drunk most of the time i hang out with her, so its simply stating a fact if i were talking about her. "She was drunk, she often was". Rather then an opinion about how i feel about her drunkenness.

 

[Chasym]

i was close enough to him to mourn. And besides, it wouldnt matter if i was a little less close or more so, I care about my aunt too and what shes going through right now even even more of a reason to mourn.
When i lived at my grandfathers, He and my aunt were there almost everyday, so i saw him often and talked to him often and was around him long enough to feel like he was part of the family.
just because i said he was often drunk does not in anyway say i dont think highly of someone.
that was a fact, he was an alcoholic and there was never a time i didnt see him with a beer.
that doesnt make me think any less of him since i grew up in a family of alcoholics.

I dont see why this raised such a fuss, apparently he meant enough to me to be affected by this all.
I still have not full absorbed what has happened yet. I have no idea how my aunt is gonna go on, but i have to prepare for a funeral soon. Another...funeral.

 

[Arctyrael]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Chasym. I wish your family the best.

 

[Gerry]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Chasym. I wish your family the best.

Quoted for truth. My deepest sympathies to you and your family Chasym =(

 

[Canitoch]

Quite the opposite. I'm trying to make Chas realize that it's not such a big deal. So someone died, big deal, people die everyday, cycle of life. If they weren't that close, there's no reason to get all upset or lose sleep, especially with all the shit Chas is going through right now if you read his other thread, he shouldn't have to worry about this on top of all the other stuff.
When I was somewhere around 10 my dad's dad died, and you know what I did when I found out? I went on with my day as usual, I really couldn't have cared less. Why? I didn't really know the guy, I saw him 3 or 4 times a year, and that was it, we weren't close. The most disturbing thing I got out of my grandpa's death was seeing my dad cry at the funeral, something I've seen only 2 or 3 times in my life and something I hope to never see again. I'm not sure where I was going with this story, other than as an example of why you shouldn't get so upset over death.

I don't really have anything to say to you other than personally I find this disrespectful to Chasym. Thats great that you take death like its no big deal, other people may not.

I'm so sorry Chasym, I hope your aunt is doing ok and the rest of your family.

 

[Chasym]

my aunt has calmed down a bit.
i spent some time at my grandparents today helping my mom go through alot of his papers and receipts trying to find pin numbers for his accounts before they are frozen since its all my aunt has.
we luckily found life insurance policies and such, and a break in the pin number search.
ill be searching his computer for information later since they dont know the password and im the only one who can get in.

My aunt said he wants to be cremated and have his ashes put into his guitar case with his guitar and thrown into the water, which i said i would help her with since the case and guitar would need to be weighted down so it wont float, and i promised to play Free bird when we do since he used to talk to me about playing free bird on guitar all the time.

and yeah people take death differently, and i really dont care what problems i got going on in life, when someone dies i know or cared about i will mourn as it is a natural thing for people to do. Mourning IS a form of coping. And if anything about all the stuff im going through, its just another addition in that chapter of my life. I will prevail regardless and move on as people do. Moving on takes time yeah, but its time well spent.

Because of the financial state of my aunt there most likley will not be a service besides the guitar thing. Which i will be happy to make just as memorable as a real service in any way i can, i will use all my artistic abilities to give him a proper memorial. Even in that means i have to pick up my guitar again and practice till it hurts.

 

[Excalibur]

i was close enough to him to mourn. And besides, it wouldnt matter if i was a little less close or more so, I care about my aunt too and what shes going through right now even even more of a reason to mourn.
When i lived at my grandfathers, He and my aunt were there almost everyday, so i saw him often and talked to him often and was around him long enough to feel like he was part of the family.
just because i said he was often drunk does not in anyway say i dont think highly of someone.
that was a fact, he was an alcoholic and there was never a time i didnt see him with a beer.
that doesnt make me think any less of him since i grew up in a family of alcoholics.

I dont see why this raised such a fuss, apparently he meant enough to me to be affected by this all.
I still have not full absorbed what has happened yet. I have no idea how my aunt is gonna go on, but i have to prepare for a funeral soon. Another...funeral.

Still..doesn't sound like you were best friends or anything. So you were affected by his death, I say don't be. Shrug it off, stop giving a shit, you have other things to worry about. Your aunt will get over it, it's not like they were even married, he was only her boyfriend. I would tell you not to worry, that life will eventually get better, but really, life is what you make of it.

I don't really have anything to say to you other than personally I find this disrespectful to Chasym. Thats great that you take death like its no big deal, other people may not.

Maybe they shouldn't, that's what I'm saying. People in this world are far too affected by other people, I find this disgusting. Stop caring about what everyone else is doing and focus on your own life. Your attitude towards what comes your way is what YOU choose it to be. Choose to be happy, don't be all depressed and sad, life is too short for that shit. Honestly, it really is that simple, just choose to not let shit get you down, and it won't. It's been working for me since I was like 15.

 

[Chasym]

ok man, seriously your not helping me at all and actually making the situation feel alot worse.
Whats it to you if i choose to mourn someone i cared about and not brush it off like some emotionless robot?
hey, maybe your cold as stone and see the world through a mirror, but that doesnt mean other people do or you should try to tell me how i should be coping because you feel your way is the proper way.
Its natural and human to mourn and cope, especially when its someone you care about.
Maybe something happened in your life that took that human trait from you but dont push it on me or others.

What does it matter if they were married? They loved each other, spent every day with each other for years, much like a married couple. Does that make it any less painful for her if they were married or not?? No it doesnt. Does it make him any less a member of my family because he didnt bear some legal document that granted him the official title of husband and uncle? No.

You find the emotional attatchment of people disgusting? Honestly i find your lack of emotional compassion more sickening.
Your method of dealing is by shutting the world out from the sounds of it, and it doesnt matter what the hell happens to me, im not shutting myself away from reality to put a false smile on my face for any reason.
if you dont like the fact that i mourn for a dead loved one, then carry on the way you do and try not to come around and make someone feel like shit for caring, for hurting, for worrying and most of all for being human.
I dont want any apologies, i dont want any excuses. I dont even want you to reply. Just go the fuck away and keep your sheltered emotionless world to yourself asshole.

 

[Zhaoyun]

I'm sorry Chasym, lets hope the rest of the year isn't like the start for you. My sympathies for your loss.

 

[Excalibur]

ok man, seriously your not helping me at all and actually making the situation feel alot worse.

This is what I'm talkin about, you get all bent out of shape over something someone else says, and over the internet nonetheless. It was just a suggestion dude. I'm not pushing shit on you, I'm just telling you how things work for me and suggesting you do the same.


If I wanted to be an asshole, I would have said what I thought when I first read your OP:
Maybe this is just what you get for being a fucking cheater and hacking all those years. You know, karma, the universe, God's retribution, w/e you call it. Yeah, people don't forget.

Whats it to you if i choose to mourn someone i cared about and not brush it off like some emotionless robot?

Whats it to you if I choose to brush shit off like some emotionless robot? You see, I can make you look like the bad guy too. Eye of the beholder. Way to be a dick to someone who was just trying to help you though. Fuck this thread. I'm out. Peace.

 

[Canitoch]

This is what I'm talkin about, you get all bent out of shape over something someone else says, and over the internet nonetheless. It was just a suggestion dude. I'm not pushing shit on you, I'm just telling you how things work for me and suggesting you do the same.


If I wanted to be an asshole, I would have said what I thought when I first read your OP:
Maybe this is just what you get for being a fucking cheater and hacking all those years. You know, karma, the universe, God's retribution, w/e you call it. Yeah, people don't forget.



Whats it to you if I choose to brush shit off like some emotionless robot? You see, I can make you look like the bad guy too. Eye of the beholder. Way to be a dick to someone who was just trying to help you though. Fuck this thread. I'm out. Peace.

I think you were the dick first bud, I don't know about anyone else, but if you told me to not give a shit if a family memeber died, I'd probably rips your balls off right then and there.

You aren't helping the situation, you aren't making him look like the bad guy, you are making yourself look like more of an asshole. You don't give a shit about people dying. Great. Good for you! Don't fucking tell people that they need to act like you do.