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Thought this was cute 
Enjoy
Deep Thoughts and Pearls of Wisdom
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never will
achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with
them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your
life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get
up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about your
birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you but rude to a
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very
important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women
to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
Enjoy Deep Thoughts and Pearls of Wisdom
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never will
achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with
them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your
life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get
up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about your
birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you but rude to a
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very
important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women
to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
