Putting the Fun back in Funeral

[Pasquale]

It has been a rough, funeral-filled couple of weeks for me. I'm kind of in a funk right now, and I need to laugh at something. I figured the best way to do that was to make a thread where everyone could share their embarrassing funeral stories.

Terrible idea? You betcha. I'll start.

Yesterday at my uncle's funeral, I saw this hot 40-something woman walking around. The uncle was married-in, so I assumed because I didn't know her, she wasn't blood and it was alright to check her out. Later in the day she walked up to me and hugged me, saying "You probably don't remember me, but I'm your dad's cousin. I used to change your diapers." I wanted to melt into the floor.

Also yesterday, while waiting in my car for the procession to start, I noticed the car in front of me was slowly reversing. It backed up a few inches and then stopped. Then a few more inches.. Then a few more inches... Then finally... bam. Then, while pushing into my bumper, the driver realized the car wouldn't go forward because it wasn't on. Fucking old people.

Two weeks ago, at my best friend's dad's funeral, I mentioned to a friend of ours how "I wish I was a smoker, so I could step outside for a minute" because it was so hot in the wake room. My friend politely reminded me that my best friend's dad died because of cancer from smoking, and that I was an idiot. I turned around and my friend's aunt was giving me the devil eye.



So... what are your funeral stories? Trip over the casket? Fall asleep during the eulogy?

 

[Tymon]

I tripped walking to my car from my grandfathers funeral last september and faceplanted his tombstone (the kind that's like a plaque in the ground)

 

[Zephayra]

I work in the funeral industry so I have a ton of them, but here's a more recent one.

Tuesday we had a service at French catholic church. At the end of the funeral when we were just about to carry the cakset out the church, the priest turned around and started blessing the casket. He then used his 'holy water shaker' to sprinkle the casket with holy water, and ended up spraying me in the face.

Then we went out to a small cemetery in the country. There were a few burials there from the winter, and huge dirt piles everywhere. At the end of the commital, I was heading back to the lead car, but there were a ton of people in the way. I absent mindly walked over this pile of dirt, which had no flowers or markers on it, so I didn't even think for a moment it was a grave. One of the mourners was right beside me, and had seen me cross over the grave. He laughed and said, "Hey I saw you jump over that". I then realized what I had actually done..and I felt terrible. I started blathering that I didn't think it wasa grave because there were no flowers on it like the other piles of dirty, and how terrible I felt. He just laughed and patted me on the shoulder.

I'm sorry for your current losses though. Funerals themselves are hard, and having them right after each other is even harder.

 

[Linhjah]

My great-grandmother passed away when I was 14. At my her burial, we were listening to the priest, and there was a girl who was about 4 years old standing in front of me. She wasn't related to me, I'm not really sure who she was. Out of nowhere, she squatted down and peed. I didn't really notice that she'd peed until it trickled down into the open-toed shoes I was wearing. :glare:

 

[Chasym]

almost two years ago at a high school friends funeral me and my friends were looking around at all the paintings of jesus on the wall. I saw one that had jesus with one hand up and a weird face and there was a guy and another guy doing something near him and i leaned over and said "imagine jesus saying, "What the fuck is this shit!?"" and it caused my friends to burst out laughing out loud sitting right acrossed from the casket.

 

[JerkFace]

I dont have any story to add, but I will say that the first thing that comes to mind in respect to this is...


The Giggle loop!

Oh no! I started thinking about it!(wonder if anyone has any idea what I am talking about)

 

[Morwen]

About... 8 years ago my grandmother passed away. She was the last one I had. She was kinda like the glue of the family and the glue of the people on the street that we've all known our entire lives, so it was literally packed at the funeral home. Normally, I don't do well with funerals and I haven't since her husband died 13 years prior to that date (21 years at this point). I was doing rather well. I had cried myself out already and was basically sitting there numb. My friends were all there and sitting behind me after the second row of family.

My fathers best childhood friend was reading for us. Eulogies and whatnot. Practically the entire blocks residents from 1951 to present were in attendance. Well. You always have a few of these. My neighbors middle son walks in with his family. It's June, so they're all dressed... in summertime clothing. I'm talking bright colors, shorts, sun dresses, flip flops, the whole 9 yards. I was immediately incensed. My father calmed me down and I just ignored it. Well, just before the reading one of this guys daughters slipped my dads friend (who again was doing the reading) a note. He reads it. It's a little poem she'd written a few moments before. For some reason, Les decided he'd read it. He was pretty numb too but I honestly think he did this on purpose. I don't remember the entire poem, just the last line: "Now Elaine is dead. That sucks."

The entire place went cold. Les was like "Thank you Raegan, for your kind words..." and just stared. My Great Uncle Ted (grandmothers brother) turns around and just goes "Oh what the fuck?" and I burst out laughing. So did everyone else. Classic.