i've been thinking a lot about this lately, now i'll bring it to these boards for some more insight on the matter.
I've only been playing a grand total of 9 months, while that doesn't seem to be a lot to most of you my game time hours are probably the same as some that have been playing 2yrs. my cut back time is now at 73hrs a week, that happened after i got a lame job just the keep a lil money coming in. my last job i played at work then i took a few months off work and lived in this game.
in my days in this game, what have i accomplished? i feel nothing, few remember me for things i've done (so it seems) and others pass me and friends leave me. i already feel over the past few months i've slowly been moving farther and farther away from wanting to stay. i tried reviving my love for the game lvling blm but lfp has gotten old 2 days nothing just not any fun there. i make money easy now because i can pretty much solo bcnm's by myself, i craft not 100 but you don't need to be 100 the make money. i lvl jobs but lose intrest before getting anywhere.
I've achieved most of the "cool" gear that i've wanted and drooled over now, except some ra/ex items. now that i have it i wonder more and more to myself WHY? i farm with a sky shell, which was one of the things i wanted the do in this game after seeing a video of a LS kill gods. yet my schedule keeps me from making it to the actual fights. no fun there :/ i promised my g/f in game i wouldn't quit but i feel less drive to play everyday that i'm on. i'm stuck i feel like, maybe this is where my rl comes in. i've never been focused enough on one thing long enough in rl the finish it. is that how my game is going to turn out? I'm knowledgable in the game, yet i suppose i'm just a no body that doesn't know anything yet.
i've got 3 well lvld characters i've had more, i'm a decent lvl in crafting as well. i just dont know which direction i want to go anymore. 75 was the goal, but as i near it i feel like its more talk then what its actually going to do for me. what good is merriting if your never going to use them? what good is the high class gear if all i'm going to do is xp? why spend all this money and time in a world that doesn't exist? maybe i'd feel different if i spoke japanese, and could have people that could play on my time schedule? all these what if's run through my head, and i can't answer one of them. do i expect to much to fast? am i doing something wrong? should i stay or should i go? i feel like a lost teenager again, but i'm mostly a few taru's with a single hume mom now trying to make it in the big world yet i have no direction of where i should or want to go anymore.
I've only been playing a grand total of 9 months, while that doesn't seem to be a lot to most of you my game time hours are probably the same as some that have been playing 2yrs. my cut back time is now at 73hrs a week, that happened after i got a lame job just the keep a lil money coming in. my last job i played at work then i took a few months off work and lived in this game.
in my days in this game, what have i accomplished? i feel nothing, few remember me for things i've done (so it seems) and others pass me and friends leave me. i already feel over the past few months i've slowly been moving farther and farther away from wanting to stay. i tried reviving my love for the game lvling blm but lfp has gotten old 2 days nothing just not any fun there. i make money easy now because i can pretty much solo bcnm's by myself, i craft not 100 but you don't need to be 100 the make money. i lvl jobs but lose intrest before getting anywhere.
I've achieved most of the "cool" gear that i've wanted and drooled over now, except some ra/ex items. now that i have it i wonder more and more to myself WHY? i farm with a sky shell, which was one of the things i wanted the do in this game after seeing a video of a LS kill gods. yet my schedule keeps me from making it to the actual fights. no fun there :/ i promised my g/f in game i wouldn't quit but i feel less drive to play everyday that i'm on. i'm stuck i feel like, maybe this is where my rl comes in. i've never been focused enough on one thing long enough in rl the finish it. is that how my game is going to turn out? I'm knowledgable in the game, yet i suppose i'm just a no body that doesn't know anything yet.
i've got 3 well lvld characters i've had more, i'm a decent lvl in crafting as well. i just dont know which direction i want to go anymore. 75 was the goal, but as i near it i feel like its more talk then what its actually going to do for me. what good is merriting if your never going to use them? what good is the high class gear if all i'm going to do is xp? why spend all this money and time in a world that doesn't exist? maybe i'd feel different if i spoke japanese, and could have people that could play on my time schedule? all these what if's run through my head, and i can't answer one of them. do i expect to much to fast? am i doing something wrong? should i stay or should i go? i feel like a lost teenager again, but i'm mostly a few taru's with a single hume mom now trying to make it in the big world yet i have no direction of where i should or want to go anymore.
it happened with my addiction to medal of honor. tonight is going to be my first break from ffxi where i wont be on AT ALL not bazaring not getting on late at night even if i am drunk off my ass, i'm stepping back to try and find myself in rl again. Its been at least 6 months since i've had a break like this 
and i've only been playing 9 :/ while i hope i can find a peacefull medium, i ask for the help from others to get there.
