Tale of a Girl

Now that I'm a happily married man (I'm male, even if my character isn't), I don't miss these kinds of moments in my life.

Her "no really, who is it?" act could be one of two things: she was caught off guard and wanted to brush it aside, or she doesn't feel that way about you and wanted a way to play it down as if nothing ever happened. I don't know this girl, but if she's made a "project" out of setting you up with other people, my guess is it would be the latter.

There are a couple things you could do:

1. Play along, and pretend it never happened. I've gone this road before, and I can say from experience you'll continue to feel awkward for a very long time, and your heart will feel empty whenever you try to pretend to be something you're not. Furthermore, the charade will only make you become more obsessive over that which you're determined not to have, causing risk of depression and potentially affecting other aspects of your life. Also, it's worth mentioning that you won't be fooling anybody but yourself; she still knows. This act would only serve to selfishly maintain a sense of pride.

2. Talk through it. Get the two of you to have an honest conversation where you lay your feelings out on the table. Now, admittedly, this method takes balls, but I think it's healthier for the two of you to admit the situation and work it out.

Here's what I would suggest:

Send an email, or do whatever it takes to give her an invitation without giving her the chance to interrupt you or find some other way to play it off. In the invitation, admit that you said something that could affect your relationship to her, and that you want to have an honest conversation with her to sort it out because you value her friendship. Try to pick a neutral meeting spot, one that won't feel date-ish and where the two of you can still have your conversation.

If she accepts, then just talk it out during that meeting. Don't do the "I *like* like you" or "I have feelings for you" or anything else junior high-ish. Tell her that you've grown to appreciate, respect, and admire her, and that she's the type of woman you would value in a relationship. It also doesn't hurt to flatter her just a little and mention specific things about her you find intriguing. Then ask her how she honestly feels, and assure her that you don't want to lose your friendship to her. You'll have to wing it from there.

Are you likely to get the "let's just be friends" speech? Probably. And it's likely to break your heart. But a broken heart heals faster than an empty one, and the advantage of having this conversation with her is that you will know what she feels about you and why. That knowledge will make it far easier for you to respect her feelings, and having talked through the awkwardness will make it a little less awkward for the two of you from that point on. Plus, your friendship will grow when you trust each other with your vulnerabilities, and there's a chance that by honestly telling her how much you respect her, she may slowly reconsider her own feelings for you over time.

While I didn't actually date anyone until college, I did have to give such a conversation one day to a girl 6 years younger than me. That was painfully awkward at first, and I spent a good couple hours looking for the right words to say. But it was worth it -- we've now been married for over a year and half!

Best of luck to you. I hope you're able to find courage when you'll need it in the days ahead.
 
I had this problem before. Me and her got together, despite her dating one of my friends, and things just crashed down. Looking back on it, I did what I knew best back in high school: said what I needed to say so that I'd get laid. Well, I actually cared for this one and my approach was terrible. The best bet for you, to be completely honest, is that you're upfront and honest about how you feel. "I've had feelings for you for years" or that "When we go anywhere, my eyes are on you" kinda thing. I mean, let her know exactly what's up. If she says "Let's stay friends" then you gave it a shot and no to move on, but then you won't cling onto something that might happen. You can take a break for two weeks to get your mind where it should be, and let your heart move on. It's never easy man, and when friendship turns into infatuation or love it only gets harder. Pain heals in time, but the memories of how you felt will make you a stronger and more understanding person. So my advice is to stop dwelling on it, or it'll only get that much harder. Be upfront and honest, so you know which path to take. Hug and be friends, or kiss and be more. Either way, you'll have your answer.
 
blazn said:
You only live once in this world so go for what you want and if you fail its no biggy as you be dead soon.
Click to expand...

Though its written in Blaznspeak, this actually carries a good message...until the last 5 words...
 
I agree with Tim-bo up there. "as you be dead soon." The guys about to graduate high school. He has plenty of time ahead of him. But if you don't live for today, which I'm praying was the message you tried to deliver, then what are you waiting for? Procrastination, nostalgia, both mean nothing. Today is the day that you need to act so that tomorrow is that much more valuable.
 
Hey DKT,

From a chick's point of view:

She a chick, she's going to be flattered that you are into her even if she's not so into you. I think that sending her an email is a great idea. Tell her honestly what you like about her and ask her out. Mention her looks ONCE and don't make it the first thing you mention lol. If you think she is an amazing person with a great sense of humor, tell her that. Keep it clear and simple and don't ramble.

The very worst thing that can happen is that she will want to stay friends, and yeah things might be awkward for a little while but I think your friendship will survive it. If she blows you off and stops being your friend, she probably isn't the type you want to be going out with anyway.

Another thing you can do is get her a small gift, like a little plushy (anything will work, just think about what she likes, hallmark stores are great, keep it under 10 bucks or you'll freak her) and attach a note to it. Most girls love little gifts and it will help her think about you in a different way. The romantic you vs. the friend you.

I hope this helps, good luck to you hon!
 
Last edited:
They've given some very sound advice.
Now, from my personal experience, someone mentioned they were setting you up with friends, to kinda shrug you off, or something. Although, you've gotta remember their female, and they like to gossip and talk with their friends. She could be getting the inside scoop on you, the things she's never felt or seen! How you kiss, and things like that, ultimately deciding if you're good boyfriend material. Her hooking you up with friends, could also be a way to see if you'd prefer her over them, in a relationship.

Sorry, it's 3pm, I just woke up, and already drank a bunch of rum. Loser ftw!
 
Email... I dont really recommend. That shit makes it impersonal and what not. It's always better to talk face to face with the person because you keep it short and sweet. People tend to pour their life story / all their feelings into emails and end up scaring the other person away.

The fact that your friend has set you up with other people all the time could also be because she always wanted you within arms reach. That way she could keep an eye on you to make sure you didnt get too far away from her. At the same time, like another poster said, it could be because she doesnt feel the same way about you, but it could be either possiblity.

Best bet is to just let it die for a bit, whatever you do dont confront her too soon. Her initial reaction no matter whether she liked you or not, is probably because she was shocked, as you said you were waiting for a carpool, so not the ideal place for her to express her true feelings as well.

I hate being the friend and then liking the person, makes it hard because when you break up and shit, it is potentially a good friend you coud lose. But yeah good luck, and I recommend you give it some time, let her think it through and maybe take her out sometime alone or some shit to see how you guys get along alone. You'd be hella surprised, sometimes you might be really good together amongst your group of friends but find out that you two actually dont get along as well alone.
 
Xerius said:
Email... I dont really recommend. That shit makes it impersonal and what not. It's always better to talk face to face with the person because you keep it short and sweet. People tend to pour their life story / all their feelings into emails and end up scaring the other person away.

The fact that your friend has set you up with other people all the time could also be because she always wanted you within arms reach. That way she could keep an eye on you to make sure you didnt get too far away from her. At the same time, like another poster said, it could be because she doesnt feel the same way about you, but it could be either possiblity.

Best bet is to just let it die for a bit, whatever you do dont confront her too soon. Her initial reaction no matter whether she liked you or not, is probably because she was shocked, as you said you were waiting for a carpool, so not the ideal place for her to express her true feelings as well.

I hate being the friend and then liking the person, makes it hard because when you break up and shit, it is potentially a good friend you coud lose. But yeah good luck, and I recommend you give it some time, let her think it through and maybe take her out sometime alone or some shit to see how you guys get along alone. You'd be hella surprised, sometimes you might be really good together amongst your group of friends but find out that you two actually dont get along as well alone.
Click to expand...

I definatly agree with you, i was considering a note or an email at one point, but then meeting her after i send it... awkward. and of course its mostly impersonal.

My plan that i've come up with i guess, is yea to let it sink in, not really confront her about it. i still see her twice a day atleast, so its not like we can avoid each other. but her birthday is comin up, i think in about 3 weeks. and i was giving her ideas and whatnot for a party acutally, lol. She's gunna have a dance at her house (shes done this before) so my plan is to basically talk to her about it then... maybe during a slowsong or something. ask her to dance, and just say hey...wanna talk to you. Or something like that.

good idea? bad idea? adjustments? its the best thing i can come up with atm.

all the advice is really helping guys... i appreciate it to no end. I've never had to deal with anything like this, i mean ive gone out with other girls, but i've never felt this strong about anyone... >_< too freekin complicated i swear.
 
well has she said anything close to that subject at all lately?

I really dont advise you making a move on her during her birthday. I recommend you show her a good time, show her what fun you would be etc., don't go and ask her out. Why? Because if shit gets complicated, the last thing you want her to remember you for is ruining her birthday party.
 
Xerius said:
well has she said anything close to that subject at all lately?

I really dont advise you making a move on her during her birthday. I recommend you show her a good time, show her what fun you would be etc., don't go and ask her out. Why? Because if shit gets complicated, the last thing you want her to remember you for is ruining her birthday party.
Click to expand...

Very sound advice. You don't want to be the dude that puts the crying chicks on the steps.
 
Plz forgive if i dont make sense plz plz plz

Well what can i say in this subject hmm....

By the way read your thread in post, and the way you express her feels that way she talk to you... I think she wants to really know you. I mean sometimes ( plz dont take this serious chicks ^^ ) girls act soo much i swear. I mean way they ask you so many question, not to help you but more like what is your stats is at, or in other words so you can understand me, they want to know if you have any feels towards anyone. I mean i swear even make this move so much. [EX: So you like someone....tell me.] I mean this is so BS. They basically want to know if your intersted in her. And if they get the answer basiclly you be on her spot. What will you do? Will you be O shit um.. I love you too yaaa!!! >.> No? Right? Some girls dont know how to react as well as guys.

My advices is to stay clam is the number one. Dont blush, dont mixs yours words while your talking .... STAY CLAM! It hard but it a must. Now that you told her it will feel.... weird. Just act your self, dont express your love yet. It will be destory if you make your move soon. Just make her feel that your trying to get to know her. That what girls like. Maybe one day if she likes coffee buy it for her and give to her and say " hey i was thinking of you and i remember you like coffee so here and balh blah blah." Girls love when you remember there likes such as color, shoe brand, music, book, etc etc etc. Why? Cuz no dumb ass has done that to her. She feels love and also spoil. *Cautions* dont want to spoil too much if you know what i mean. These little things add up. She will keep you in your mind.

That all i can say I hope i made some sense... ( Its 4 am and i havent slept... dont ask y) I hope i spelled everything right. hehe Btw stay clam i say it again. Btw if she cares so much do a test. Like not talk to her for a day or week... Naw not a week that too much >.> You will see that she will miss, not as friends. Friends= They try to get to know you or they try to get know a person that you know. Unless it the same sex. Goodnight! /cry
 
I agree about not doing this on her birthday. That day should be about her, not about you. If you can talk with her before her birthday, then you'll know more or less how you should act at the party.
 
You don't want to do anything in public with gaggles of her friends around LOL ... Birthday is a bad idea. OMG the potential for drama!

If you don't want to do an email or a note, you've got to get her alone and away from her friends/ your friends.

Have you ever done anything alone together just as friends? Like go to a movie or to the arcade?
 
Birthday: bad idea, its needless drama either way.

Imo Braydon has given the most sound advice I've seen and I probably can't put it any better myself. You made a move, don't play it down espescially because she seems to think you should be making moves in general >.~, so follow through. The biggest thing that I agree if Braydon on is if she isn't into that then you need to immediately back off from her for a little.
 
Kinkkerbelle said:
You don't want to do anything in public with gaggles of her friends around LOL ... Birthday is a bad idea. OMG the potential for drama!

If you don't want to do an email or a note, you've got to get her alone and away from her friends/ your friends.

Have you ever done anything alone together just as friends? Like go to a movie or to the arcade?
Click to expand...

While it may be an ideal situation for mass drama (making it very much NOT ideal) it is still good for... well if she has friends... and...

Yeah, not finishing that thought (been out to sea WAY too long! :( )

In any case, after reading through most of your replies, it's all sound advice, although I may issue a warning.
I have been in your situation before, although not to that extreme. I use to date a woman named Jessica Curstando during my time in San Diego (she lived in Tahoe, and I drove every weekend to go see her, story attached, lol). We had been friends ALL through highschool. I mean like, sophomore year -> senior year. We had done so many things together. Small get togethers, prom, pretty much everything you named, same situation. We dated our Sophomore year, and after that little incident evaporated (Lol @ teenage drama, so glad those years are over) we became unseperable friends. I left for the Navy. She cried, yet remained very good friends. She dated, I dated, but kept in touch even across the country, our friendship was wonderful. I went home on leave, inbetween transfers. She was extremely excited to see me, and we had a very fun time spending time with my family and her family during the summer and doing various things out in town. Then one night, she wanted to know what I was doing, just randomly, even though she knew I would be spending it with her, and then taking her home. I was confused at first, but that confusion lasted only a short time. She asked me about the people I had dated/been with while I was away in Chicago, seeming curiously over-curious. This can be directly paralleled to what the woman you were discussing about was asking you about who you liked exactly. It's a loaded question my friend. You should realize that. She was obviously interested, otherwise she would not have pressed so hard to know.

Jessica then asked me if I had any current interests, someone I was seeing at the time. I have never been bashful around a woman, especially around someone I was so close and familiar with at the time. Now, admittedly, I was (still am, anyone would be) extremely attracted to her, she is absolutely gorgeous. So, I said, "No one but you." It seemed to be the answer she was looking for. She stayed the night, the obvious took place often, and finally we went to sleep. (I apologize if this seems a little too suggestive, but there is a point behind it) We continued seeing each other, content with how things were and entirely comfortable with one another based on years of friendship. I moved to San Diego, and continued to see her every other weekend, yes I made that 600 mile drive. Hell, I was infatuated. I'll admit it. Physical ambitions were just at an amazing high when I would go see her. Of course, me being a sexual man, and her a sexual woman just made it happen more. We went out in town, did things, saw concerts, just enjoyed being together to the utter extreme. The sex was great, the amount of respect we had for one another was great, things were just looking great.

Then one day, I got a very unexpected phone call. She was feeling apprehensive towards things, because unknowingly, she had an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for. I was a sexual rebound (not complaining, but the point still follows). Our friendship, turned into sexual lust and love and want, ended on shaky terms. She admitted to cheating on me. I was crushed at first, but later understood. I thought that things would forever be awkward between her and I, and I was right. They still are.

The moral of the story is man, you have to decide what you respect more about her. Her friendship for you, or your want to take things further. There is no guarantee that things will not end up the same way for you, but I have noticed often times turning long lasting friendships into relationships can often turn out to be a bad thing. Take the time to learn about her dating habits, if you haven't already. You need to try and respect all aspects of her life, aesthetic, moral, sexual, everything. Decide then. Don't rush into things, no matter how hard it may seem. If you decide to take that step though, be assertive about it, as others have stated, don't be a pussy (to put it bluntly). You've put those cards out there, now raise the table. Throw all your chips in. The gamble is the suave you exhibit. As another stated, don't play it cool, be cool. Playing it is just pretending, being it is another story. She sees the same things you are looking for in her... in you, and bam, match made in heaven my friend.

I've rambled too much, sorry for the little outburst there. Hope that helps.
 
Last edited:
once again guys... thanks for the posting and advice and such, really helping me make some decisions on this. that story you shared too, mistra, also gave me something else to think about. Although the situation is similar, i dont see anything sexual per-say happening (lolcatholicschoolkids) however i do get your point and i really do thank you for sharing, like i said, different points of view help me make up my own mind.

And it was kinda funny today. i had spanish class again (which was, btw, the class we just got out of when we were talking) and we usually write notes back and forth to each other in class. Then i had a lolbrainstorm. i could write on the note what i want to say to her, like exactly what i mean (mushymushyblahdeblah w/e) then of course i was thought about what i read on here, being direct and all. So i decided i would write notes as per usual, but near the end of class (or the conversation) i would say 'hey, can i talk to you a bit after class? if you wanna hear me out for a few min?' something like that. I was all prepared to do it. balls to the wall so to speak. Then she gets called to the counselers office for the rest of the period.

i just kinda laughed and thought to myself "lolpwnd"

but that entertaining story aside. would THAT be a good idea? i agree wholeheartedly to the b-day thing being a bad idea... hadnt thought of that >_< me being a guy who doesnt get involved in rumor/gossipy/girly stuff.. yea. so any new feedback on my new innovative and recently lolpwnd idea?
 
Demonknightx said:
once again guys... thanks for the posting and advice and such, really helping me make some decisions on this. that story you shared too, mistra, also gave me something else to think about. Although the situation is similar, i dont see anything sexual per-say happening (lolcatholicschoolkids) however i do get your point and i really do thank you for sharing, like i said, different points of view help me make up my own mind.

And it was kinda funny today. i had spanish class again (which was, btw, the class we just got out of when we were talking) and we usually write notes back and forth to each other in class. Then i had a lolbrainstorm. i could write on the note what i want to say to her, like exactly what i mean (mushymushyblahdeblah w/e) then of course i was thought about what i read on here, being direct and all. So i decided i would write notes as per usual, but near the end of class (or the conversation) i would say 'hey, can i talk to you a bit after class? if you wanna hear me out for a few min?' something like that. I was all prepared to do it. balls to the wall so to speak. Then she gets called to the counselers office for the rest of the period.

i just kinda laughed and thought to myself "lolpwnd"

but that entertaining story aside. would THAT be a good idea? i agree wholeheartedly to the b-day thing being a bad idea... hadnt thought of that >_< me being a guy who doesnt get involved in rumor/gossipy/girly stuff.. yea. so any new feedback on my new innovative and recently lolpwnd idea?
Click to expand...
As previously said before, you only live once. You gotta take a chance. And if she is a really good friend of your's, then even by asking her out, she will still be one of your best friends, saying she turns you down. If she doesn't turn you down, well, that's pretty obvious. You just gotta stay ontop of it and commit yourself all the way into asking her out. 'Cause I mean, nothing beats true love. And true love eis something that can get anymore than that. :biggrin: So dude, my advice, ask her out, all or nothing. And if it's nothing, you get all the kudos of the world for trying. And the whole, "direct" idea, is absoultely perfect. You had the best chance on telling her how you feel before she got called down. Try and set something up like that again, or maybe take her out to dinner with friends, or alone. Just say "we can just go as friends" (pfft, ya right) and then just tell her. There are like, billions ways to go about this, and you just have to be creative.
 
Lol yea definatly, and i was thinking i can just keep trying in spanish class. i mean, that class might as well be good for SOMETHING (loli hate spanish) and i have like, 5 more chances, i think thats how many classes we have left... so unless i hear otherwise, i think i'll stick with this lil plan o' mine.

...f'n counselors.
 
Demon, your overthinking the whole thing. Just go up to her and talk to her. No need to make some elaborate plan to seem non-chalant. Call her tonight and ask if you can come over and talk.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be to go back to friends.
 
Just flash her your wang man. I pick up hundreds, no... billions of chicks with that ol' trick.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top