Have you heard the story of Theseus and the Pine-bender? I love it.
Theseus is a Greek hero famous for an incident involving a Labyrinth and a Minotaur, but he went on other adventures in his day--many of them hilarious.
Theseus was known for his ephebous behaviour. That was the Greek word for it. If you want a modern simile, he was one of those guys in his mid-twenties who has trouble acting his age. This means being lazy, hanging around with a younger crowd and inventing ridiculous sports (e.g. Me). Instead of the aforementiond, Theseus, as a Greek hero, scoured the land, kidnapping Amazon queens and and killing miscreants (and oft-times raping their daughters, which was apparently perfectly fine back then) in the name of his delicious, cheese and potato-filled ego. (Think perogy--I know you were, Sabs)
One such day, Theseus was warned of a man named Sirius, known as the Pine-bender. Sirius hosted a comfortable-looking Inn on the countryside which beguiled weary travellers with the wiles of cozen comfort. While such guests lay prone, Sirius would hog-tie them and haul them outside, to where he had bent two pine trees to the ground. To the bough of each pine, he would fasten his victim's arms and legs, such that when the pines were sprung, they would right themselves, tearing the victim's body asunder.
Grim, albeit hilarious.
With ample warning, Theseus travelled to this rest, on guard for the impending trap. Sure enough, The Pine-bender attempted to snare Theseus, and after a short wrestle, Theseus bested Sirius. Theseus, all pride and no prudence, ensured Sirius met the same fate as his victims, and aptly tied his limbs to the bent pines.
In some versions, Sirius was sent catapulting miles (stadia if you prefer) into the forest beyond. In others, he was simply torn in twine by the ejecting pines. Either way, Theseus was fucking awesome.
Theseus is a Greek hero famous for an incident involving a Labyrinth and a Minotaur, but he went on other adventures in his day--many of them hilarious.
Theseus was known for his ephebous behaviour. That was the Greek word for it. If you want a modern simile, he was one of those guys in his mid-twenties who has trouble acting his age. This means being lazy, hanging around with a younger crowd and inventing ridiculous sports (e.g. Me). Instead of the aforementiond, Theseus, as a Greek hero, scoured the land, kidnapping Amazon queens and and killing miscreants (and oft-times raping their daughters, which was apparently perfectly fine back then) in the name of his delicious, cheese and potato-filled ego. (Think perogy--I know you were, Sabs)
One such day, Theseus was warned of a man named Sirius, known as the Pine-bender. Sirius hosted a comfortable-looking Inn on the countryside which beguiled weary travellers with the wiles of cozen comfort. While such guests lay prone, Sirius would hog-tie them and haul them outside, to where he had bent two pine trees to the ground. To the bough of each pine, he would fasten his victim's arms and legs, such that when the pines were sprung, they would right themselves, tearing the victim's body asunder.
Grim, albeit hilarious.
With ample warning, Theseus travelled to this rest, on guard for the impending trap. Sure enough, The Pine-bender attempted to snare Theseus, and after a short wrestle, Theseus bested Sirius. Theseus, all pride and no prudence, ensured Sirius met the same fate as his victims, and aptly tied his limbs to the bent pines.
In some versions, Sirius was sent catapulting miles (stadia if you prefer) into the forest beyond. In others, he was simply torn in twine by the ejecting pines. Either way, Theseus was fucking awesome.
