Subsequently this game has had it's benefits and it's downfalls for me. However, the reason for me to progress in the game hasn't really been that much of a influence for me. Yes, making gil, getting exerpience points, wearing variety of equips was fun (while it lasted). Honestly, tho . . what mattered the most to me was hanging out with people who have been a excellent source of friendship there to me.
Ideally at the start of my conquest playing FFXI, I figured this game would be absurd comparing to the past previous games i've played for fun. Not knowingly, I got involved in a game that has influenced myself and cultivated my personality. When I think about it, heh, it's just a feeling that i've longed to feel. . . Change; was always afraid of it. I've enjoyed myselfs' inside-games' persona to a point where I saw nothing was wrong. Everyone was the problem. How could I beat myself into believing inside something that I never was or am? "Roleplaying" inside a character not only in game, but was putting myself into this image I wanted to be because it was to me, "Cool". WTF!?! was I thinking to myself when I decided to take this into consideration? Getting too in-twined and mixed up in being a sense of someone that I never was.
For the most part things were just how I wanted them to be. Spacious when I talk to others. When I was hurt inside, it was shown; however I covered it up with a nonsense "Roleplay" of Liquidsnake. Others inside-game that I never knew, saw, talked to, were targets usually. Figured hey, what the fuck this dude care, right? Wrong. This person has every right to care just as much as you would in his boots. Conflicting more problems into bundles of decay inside the back of my mind. Letting go of it was easiest at hand but if I replay every incident in my head, I wish I could have only done it more with courtesy. Don't get me wrong, this is a RPG, therefore, roleplaying by a character is something you can do for fun. Eh, just don't find yourself too mixed up and developed in it. Where you actually do act or behave as your inside-game persona would.
After all this is just a game right? To you, Yes. To me, it was much more than a game. This time of playing FFXI was adjusted into my everyday life. A lot of it was just being able to play something that was fun, but another part was being able to talk to others that were absoutely aces in a deck of cards. There's probably alot of people out there i'm sure that can relate to knowing people that have helped themselves adjust or adapt to something. People you and myself go to to find comfort of support. This, for me, was a really huge part of playing FFXI. Realizing that I had now the bestest thing of all. It wasn't a Lv.Up and a new spell, not the amount of gil, not the Cloak on my characters' back . .. It was having people to talk to when I was in need for a shoulder.
At any rate, it's taken me the longest time to understand that it's not the item itself that's what is best -- but the overall experience and times you shared getting it. People who've helped and inspired you to progress to keep doing more and more. To me, that is what FFXI was/is for me. Now all I can tell myself is, "That's too bad." That's too bad that I had spent so much time argueing with myself and not finding the meaning of anything.
All in all, for what it matters. I hoped my experience of playing FFXI as a player will help people to understand that these are people. People who also have troubles and happiness. Just don't get too mixed up into something you're not. Otherwise, you will lose the bestest thing you ever gotten. Yourself.
/farewell Quetzalcoatl.
Ideally at the start of my conquest playing FFXI, I figured this game would be absurd comparing to the past previous games i've played for fun. Not knowingly, I got involved in a game that has influenced myself and cultivated my personality. When I think about it, heh, it's just a feeling that i've longed to feel. . . Change; was always afraid of it. I've enjoyed myselfs' inside-games' persona to a point where I saw nothing was wrong. Everyone was the problem. How could I beat myself into believing inside something that I never was or am? "Roleplaying" inside a character not only in game, but was putting myself into this image I wanted to be because it was to me, "Cool". WTF!?! was I thinking to myself when I decided to take this into consideration? Getting too in-twined and mixed up in being a sense of someone that I never was.
For the most part things were just how I wanted them to be. Spacious when I talk to others. When I was hurt inside, it was shown; however I covered it up with a nonsense "Roleplay" of Liquidsnake. Others inside-game that I never knew, saw, talked to, were targets usually. Figured hey, what the fuck this dude care, right? Wrong. This person has every right to care just as much as you would in his boots. Conflicting more problems into bundles of decay inside the back of my mind. Letting go of it was easiest at hand but if I replay every incident in my head, I wish I could have only done it more with courtesy. Don't get me wrong, this is a RPG, therefore, roleplaying by a character is something you can do for fun. Eh, just don't find yourself too mixed up and developed in it. Where you actually do act or behave as your inside-game persona would.
After all this is just a game right? To you, Yes. To me, it was much more than a game. This time of playing FFXI was adjusted into my everyday life. A lot of it was just being able to play something that was fun, but another part was being able to talk to others that were absoutely aces in a deck of cards. There's probably alot of people out there i'm sure that can relate to knowing people that have helped themselves adjust or adapt to something. People you and myself go to to find comfort of support. This, for me, was a really huge part of playing FFXI. Realizing that I had now the bestest thing of all. It wasn't a Lv.Up and a new spell, not the amount of gil, not the Cloak on my characters' back . .. It was having people to talk to when I was in need for a shoulder.
At any rate, it's taken me the longest time to understand that it's not the item itself that's what is best -- but the overall experience and times you shared getting it. People who've helped and inspired you to progress to keep doing more and more. To me, that is what FFXI was/is for me. Now all I can tell myself is, "That's too bad." That's too bad that I had spent so much time argueing with myself and not finding the meaning of anything.
All in all, for what it matters. I hoped my experience of playing FFXI as a player will help people to understand that these are people. People who also have troubles and happiness. Just don't get too mixed up into something you're not. Otherwise, you will lose the bestest thing you ever gotten. Yourself.
/farewell Quetzalcoatl.
