Hi guys,
I've been reading a lot of sci-fi writing recently, and figured I'd give a shot to some short fiction. My summer job affords me TONS of downtime, but alas, I can't bring my comp or a book in to work, so here's the first installment of something. I'd love writer's criticism on things, although this is definitely going to be more of a rough concept piece. Hope people enjoy.
Val
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cutscene.
"Halt! The Empress would speak with you!" One of the palace guards ran up in his TAU armor.
Go see the Empress?
Yes <<--
No
Benedict raised an eyebrow. He'd been watching his character, Valoran, run fluidly towards the commissions agency to check some assault gear before logging out for the night.
/l Hey, anyone know what TAU mission the empress sends a guard to come grab you out in whitegate by the {Commissions Agency} to come to the palace?
<Notsepheroth> 17
<Littletykedude> 17
<Herofouryou> The one where you have to dress up?
The little arrow spun around next to the "Yes" option. Benedict frowned and typed back.
/l no, I did that one already
/l this is something different, like I got it just running around the {Comissions Agency}
He looked at the guard, mouth still moving and hand outstretched even though the single line of dialogue was no longer scrolling. Presumably, either choice would eventually trigger the mission. Probably something like, "The guard drags you off anyway." Benedict wondered whether this was one of those things where you got rewarded for agreeing to come quietly, or if the empress would value roguishness and strong spirit more.
<Herofouryou> I don't think that's a mission, unless they put up more content? Let me check, Val . . .
<Littletykedude> you click the salvage cs guy or something?
Hero ran windower, and usually got to the information faster than anyone else. Benedict made his decision.
/l Nah, don't worry about it, I'll just let you know when it's done
He hit enter with the arrow on "Yes." The familiar selection tone chimed over the speakers, and Valoran followed the guard off towards the palace.
<<<Downloading Data...>>>
The palace scenery spread out around him, draped banners, the Empress's hidden throne ahead, Immortals guarding the sides.
Nashmeira: We are pleased you have come so quickly, Valoran. Your deeds have reached our ears.
Benedict watched Valoran nod.
Nashmeira: You are unusual among your fellow adventurers, and the Empire requires your assistance.
Definitely mission material. He thought the next one was some kind of BC fight though. With a chimaera, maybe?
Nashmeira: This would not be in line with your work with Naja Salaheem or her "organization." Are you willing to accept that?
Benedict waited a moment for the cs to continue, then realized that this must be a prompt. But the options weren't popping up. He tapped the enter key once, careful not to double-hit it in case he accidentally blitzed through a response. Still no prompt.
/l Ok, so it's some kind of cs with the empress where she asks you to do something
/l sound familiar at all?
There was no response on the linkshell channel.
Benedict half-heartedly tapped the minus key, wondering if he could get the menu up to send a help desk call. As he expected, it didn't work. The game had obviously frozen up.
Nashmeira: We are patient, but not infinitely so, Valoran.
It took Benedict a moment to absorb that; this cs actually seemed to have a time limit on the responses. He mashed the enter key a few extra times for good measure, then exasperatedly typed out, "Sorry, Empress, but your cs is screwed up and I can't get the responses to come up."
Valoran: Sorry, Empress, but your cs is screwed up and I can't get the responses to come up.
???: Impudent Dog! You will join the fomor's ranks!
An immortal strode forward, sliding into engaged mode with her scimitar.
Nashmeira: Some laxity, Tikesh. Our guest is still bound tightly to his own ways.
Benedict stared at the screen. His character had -- in /cm s, apparently -- just spoken the exact words he'd typed out. He decided to try the ls channel again, and paused for a second, not even sure what to type.
/l guys, this cs is totally interactive, what's up?
Nashmeira: They cannot hear your whispers. You are no doubt surprised, but we do not have particular time to indulge your unfamiliarity. The empire is at risk.
The Immortal stood crouched in an attack stance. As with the last palace endeavor, Valoran's weapons were not equipped, although he wondered now, as he had on that occasion, whether his hands counted as deadly weapons as a monk. Regardless, he didn't particularly know how to fight an Immortal npc in a cutscene anyway.
/kneel
Valoran: ok, you've got my attention, m'lady.
Nashmeira: You may rise.
It took Benedict a second to realize that the character had not risen automatically after a ". . . kneels respectfully before <t>" description. He wasn't sure what the command would be, but he intuitively hit the heal/stand button and, with the familiar chime, Valoran rose to his feet again, and even seemed to be keeping a wary eye on the Immortal, who was sheathing her scimitar.
Nashmeira: The Empire, as you know, sent out a call for mercenaries from the nations of Quon in recent years. Mercenary adventurers have responded in vast numbers, and the beastmen have been turned back substantially. However, the empire is now under threat from the very mercenaries themselves. They destabilize our population, they represent an unbalancing presence of the forces of Quon on our continent, and they are putting increasingly heavy demands on our treasury as they call for rewards for such simple activities as removing obstructions from caverns in Halvung.
She seemed to be pausing. Unsure if there was any etiquette for this situation (and with only an instant's flash of wishing Naja Salaheem were here with her stupid cat rules about how he had to behave at the palace), Benedict managed a quick /nod to indicate his understanding before the Empress went on.
Nashmeira: You have been identified as having a potential "moral flexibility" as regards your fellow adventurers. How do you feel about the amount of time some of your colleagues spend "playing?"
Benedict stared at the screen. Hidden behind her imperial curtain, the Empress was seriously asking an RL question. Or so it seemed. Maybe she meant some sort of in-game minigame, like Chocobo Hot and Cold. Perhaps best to just ask?
Valoran: "Playing," my lady?
Nashmeira: Our person does not tolerate such equivocation, adventurer. When you have had time to consider your answer, you may deliver a sealed message to one of the palace guards. Tikesh.
The camera view shifted to a high third person angle to show Tikesh walking towards Valoran, as two Immortals appeared out of nowhere -- perhaps by cancelling invisible -- behind Val on either flank.
The screen went black, and there was a clip of Valoran being dumped rather unceremoniously outside the palace gate. None of the animations were the usual set of character movements. Benedict let out a slow whistle as his character got to his feet.
<Littletykedude> Val's afk, Queen
<Queengirl> Ok, I just wanted him to make me some warp cudgels on a mule
<Queengirl> So Val, when u scroll up and read this, let me know, lol
/l Any of you ever have a really weird CS with the empress?
The chat line didn't appear on the screen, though.
/l um, guys?
<Valoran> um, guys?
<Littletykedude> there he is, queen
<Queengirl> lol, we were just talking about u
/l yeah, I just had a really weird experience
<Queengirl> can u make me some warp cudgels on Daryous?
Benedict tried one more time:
/l I think the empress is somehow editing half of my /l comments
<Queengirl> I can pay u for mats
<Valoran> I've got an extra one, let me send it to you.
Benedict put Val on autorun towards the AH and keyed up the menu for Help Desk. He got down to the GM complaint section and paused. "An npc just kicked my char's ass" just didn't sound legitimate enough. Neither did, "I just got a fully-glitched cutscene with the Empress where she knew that FFXI was a game."
He closed the menu and opened the chat log to scroll up over the conversation again. There was no record of the conversation.
Val had made it to the AH; Benedict swerved him around a few corners and sent the warp cudgel off.
<Valoran> Ok, I am DEFINITELY out of it tonight; I'll see you guys tomorrow
<Littletykedude> Lol, hey, what was that cs?
<Valoran> just the salvage guy; I targeted him by accident, lol
<Littletykedude> lol, later
<Queengirl> thx Val
<Queengirl> later
I've been reading a lot of sci-fi writing recently, and figured I'd give a shot to some short fiction. My summer job affords me TONS of downtime, but alas, I can't bring my comp or a book in to work, so here's the first installment of something. I'd love writer's criticism on things, although this is definitely going to be more of a rough concept piece. Hope people enjoy.
Val
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cutscene.
"Halt! The Empress would speak with you!" One of the palace guards ran up in his TAU armor.
Go see the Empress?
Yes <<--
No
Benedict raised an eyebrow. He'd been watching his character, Valoran, run fluidly towards the commissions agency to check some assault gear before logging out for the night.
/l Hey, anyone know what TAU mission the empress sends a guard to come grab you out in whitegate by the {Commissions Agency} to come to the palace?
<Notsepheroth> 17
<Littletykedude> 17
<Herofouryou> The one where you have to dress up?
The little arrow spun around next to the "Yes" option. Benedict frowned and typed back.
/l no, I did that one already
/l this is something different, like I got it just running around the {Comissions Agency}
He looked at the guard, mouth still moving and hand outstretched even though the single line of dialogue was no longer scrolling. Presumably, either choice would eventually trigger the mission. Probably something like, "The guard drags you off anyway." Benedict wondered whether this was one of those things where you got rewarded for agreeing to come quietly, or if the empress would value roguishness and strong spirit more.
<Herofouryou> I don't think that's a mission, unless they put up more content? Let me check, Val . . .
<Littletykedude> you click the salvage cs guy or something?
Hero ran windower, and usually got to the information faster than anyone else. Benedict made his decision.
/l Nah, don't worry about it, I'll just let you know when it's done
He hit enter with the arrow on "Yes." The familiar selection tone chimed over the speakers, and Valoran followed the guard off towards the palace.
<<<Downloading Data...>>>
The palace scenery spread out around him, draped banners, the Empress's hidden throne ahead, Immortals guarding the sides.
Nashmeira: We are pleased you have come so quickly, Valoran. Your deeds have reached our ears.
Benedict watched Valoran nod.
Nashmeira: You are unusual among your fellow adventurers, and the Empire requires your assistance.
Definitely mission material. He thought the next one was some kind of BC fight though. With a chimaera, maybe?
Nashmeira: This would not be in line with your work with Naja Salaheem or her "organization." Are you willing to accept that?
Benedict waited a moment for the cs to continue, then realized that this must be a prompt. But the options weren't popping up. He tapped the enter key once, careful not to double-hit it in case he accidentally blitzed through a response. Still no prompt.
/l Ok, so it's some kind of cs with the empress where she asks you to do something
/l sound familiar at all?
There was no response on the linkshell channel.
Benedict half-heartedly tapped the minus key, wondering if he could get the menu up to send a help desk call. As he expected, it didn't work. The game had obviously frozen up.
Nashmeira: We are patient, but not infinitely so, Valoran.
It took Benedict a moment to absorb that; this cs actually seemed to have a time limit on the responses. He mashed the enter key a few extra times for good measure, then exasperatedly typed out, "Sorry, Empress, but your cs is screwed up and I can't get the responses to come up."
Valoran: Sorry, Empress, but your cs is screwed up and I can't get the responses to come up.
???: Impudent Dog! You will join the fomor's ranks!
An immortal strode forward, sliding into engaged mode with her scimitar.
Nashmeira: Some laxity, Tikesh. Our guest is still bound tightly to his own ways.
Benedict stared at the screen. His character had -- in /cm s, apparently -- just spoken the exact words he'd typed out. He decided to try the ls channel again, and paused for a second, not even sure what to type.
/l guys, this cs is totally interactive, what's up?
Nashmeira: They cannot hear your whispers. You are no doubt surprised, but we do not have particular time to indulge your unfamiliarity. The empire is at risk.
The Immortal stood crouched in an attack stance. As with the last palace endeavor, Valoran's weapons were not equipped, although he wondered now, as he had on that occasion, whether his hands counted as deadly weapons as a monk. Regardless, he didn't particularly know how to fight an Immortal npc in a cutscene anyway.
/kneel
Valoran: ok, you've got my attention, m'lady.
Nashmeira: You may rise.
It took Benedict a second to realize that the character had not risen automatically after a ". . . kneels respectfully before <t>" description. He wasn't sure what the command would be, but he intuitively hit the heal/stand button and, with the familiar chime, Valoran rose to his feet again, and even seemed to be keeping a wary eye on the Immortal, who was sheathing her scimitar.
Nashmeira: The Empire, as you know, sent out a call for mercenaries from the nations of Quon in recent years. Mercenary adventurers have responded in vast numbers, and the beastmen have been turned back substantially. However, the empire is now under threat from the very mercenaries themselves. They destabilize our population, they represent an unbalancing presence of the forces of Quon on our continent, and they are putting increasingly heavy demands on our treasury as they call for rewards for such simple activities as removing obstructions from caverns in Halvung.
She seemed to be pausing. Unsure if there was any etiquette for this situation (and with only an instant's flash of wishing Naja Salaheem were here with her stupid cat rules about how he had to behave at the palace), Benedict managed a quick /nod to indicate his understanding before the Empress went on.
Nashmeira: You have been identified as having a potential "moral flexibility" as regards your fellow adventurers. How do you feel about the amount of time some of your colleagues spend "playing?"
Benedict stared at the screen. Hidden behind her imperial curtain, the Empress was seriously asking an RL question. Or so it seemed. Maybe she meant some sort of in-game minigame, like Chocobo Hot and Cold. Perhaps best to just ask?
Valoran: "Playing," my lady?
Nashmeira: Our person does not tolerate such equivocation, adventurer. When you have had time to consider your answer, you may deliver a sealed message to one of the palace guards. Tikesh.
The camera view shifted to a high third person angle to show Tikesh walking towards Valoran, as two Immortals appeared out of nowhere -- perhaps by cancelling invisible -- behind Val on either flank.
The screen went black, and there was a clip of Valoran being dumped rather unceremoniously outside the palace gate. None of the animations were the usual set of character movements. Benedict let out a slow whistle as his character got to his feet.
<Littletykedude> Val's afk, Queen
<Queengirl> Ok, I just wanted him to make me some warp cudgels on a mule
<Queengirl> So Val, when u scroll up and read this, let me know, lol
/l Any of you ever have a really weird CS with the empress?
The chat line didn't appear on the screen, though.
/l um, guys?
<Valoran> um, guys?
<Littletykedude> there he is, queen
<Queengirl> lol, we were just talking about u
/l yeah, I just had a really weird experience
<Queengirl> can u make me some warp cudgels on Daryous?
Benedict tried one more time:
/l I think the empress is somehow editing half of my /l comments
<Queengirl> I can pay u for mats
<Valoran> I've got an extra one, let me send it to you.
Benedict put Val on autorun towards the AH and keyed up the menu for Help Desk. He got down to the GM complaint section and paused. "An npc just kicked my char's ass" just didn't sound legitimate enough. Neither did, "I just got a fully-glitched cutscene with the Empress where she knew that FFXI was a game."
He closed the menu and opened the chat log to scroll up over the conversation again. There was no record of the conversation.
Val had made it to the AH; Benedict swerved him around a few corners and sent the warp cudgel off.
<Valoran> Ok, I am DEFINITELY out of it tonight; I'll see you guys tomorrow
<Littletykedude> Lol, hey, what was that cs?
<Valoran> just the salvage guy; I targeted him by accident, lol
<Littletykedude> lol, later
<Queengirl> thx Val
<Queengirl> later