'Tis the Season /sigh

[Raiyne]

I don't know why, but every fall I get really ... distressed. I can't think of a better word to describe it.

It's kinda hard to explain...

Basically I have some mental problems which affect my memory. Doctors say things like....I suffer from "pervasive dissociative tendencies" and "repressed memories." Whatever. I kinda know that some bad stuff happened and that apparently I didn't deal with those things in a healthy manner. There's police reports and such that collaborate some of the things I do remember.
It's not something I think about much anymore. I've had years to accept it and learn to adapt.

It's just this damned weather! It throws me completely off balance every year. I really hate it. I'm randomly being bombarded with emotions that I can't even identify... and I don't know their origins because there are too many gaps in my memory.



I wish winter would just hurry it's ass up already.

:banghead3:


I know it's kind of stupid to post this here but I just wanted to get it off my chest. The only thing worse than the season is that not only do I feel this way but then I feel like I have to pretend to be "normal." Feeling like crap is bad enough without also feeling like crap for feeling like crap.

umm...

I don't know if I'm making any sense now.

Meh. At least I was able to get it off my chest, as I said. That's enough for now even if it's just one of those posts that people avoid because it's an awkward subject.

 

[Mishaela]

Everyone goes through rough times, wether it be because something may have happened or simply because of something like weather changes. Hell, last Saturday was the anniversary of my dad's passing...

If y'ever need someone to talk to, I'm around somewhat often...might be able to help =/ Really beats just forgetting something, wether on porpose or not, since remembering it will just be like reopening a wound...

 

[Raiyne]

Thank you for reading and replying.

It's... hard not having memories especially because I second-guess myself a lot.

Is it just the weather?
Is it something serious?
Is this something I need to worry about?
What if I'm over-reacting?
What if I'm imagining things?

Stuff like that. I've gotten over the need to know what happened. After thinking about it for so long... I've decided that whatever part of my mind made me forget, probably knows what's best for my sanity. It's just crap not knowing what should be taken seriously and what I may be interpreting incorrectly.

There's definately something about the fall season but for all I know it could just be that it's the end of summer. Maybe the feelings stem from old memories of having to go back to school... I dunno.

Another bad part of having memory gaps is the fact that at any moment it could come back to me.. and that makes me nervous. Sudden floods of emotions like I get during this time scare me because I don't know if it's the start of a flashback or not. And then I feel silly... like that's probably over-reacting... but... what if it's not?

It really just bites not being able to trust your own mind. It's also not stuff I like to talk about to my friends. I imagine it would be difficult for others to know what to say.

I guess the internet makes things easier for me to be honest.

Again, thank you for your understanding. It really means a lot to me.

^^

 

[Keket]

I kind of know what you mean. I've got gaps in my memory but all from childhood. I can't remember a whole lot before the age of 9.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you try to enjoy the season. Fall is really my favorite.

 

[Ranpha]

Seasonal depression is very common, especially those of us who experience the fall and winter.

If you can make time and schedule a vacation to a sunny place (florida, mexico, and the carribean islands is what a lot of people recommend with the same problem) go for it. (okay I have some bias about florida since it rains in the winter ;p)
Maybe ask the people around your city about other options as well. Believe or not there are places that try to make it feel more summer like for those who experience winter depression. We also tend to change our diets to more comfort foods around this time as well. Try putting in salads and lighter meals and see if that makes a difference. Exercising in a well lighted area may also help. Grab a few summer smells too. Some recommend tanning or being in more sunlighted areas as well (tanning at your own risk).

 

[Mattaru]

I get seasonal depression.

I want to break shit all the time.

EDIT: I need something to keep me under control.

 

[exodusamphi]

Thank God I live in Arizona, where it doesnt fall under 50 all winter.

When I am in Texas however I get seasonl depression. Lack of sun and heat which are the 2 things that dominate most the year can throw people off track. I try to not let it get the best of me however, when I feel down I go to the mall or somewhere crowded and well lit and enjoy my time with some people who can cheer me up. Usually works 90% of the time.