what would you do???

[kaybrie]

ok this is new site for me but have a real question i wanna ask all you fellow players.
ok iv been married almost 3yrs now and have playd ffxi since the ps2 release, now my significant other has had no problems w/ me playin for the past 2.5yrs. or w/e its been, now all the sudden they want me to quit cause they hate the game, think its a waste of time in their eyes, and was given the ok to play anyother game but ffxi or any game that is online capable. now that pretty what youmuch lets me play about 2 games now adays i thnk. >.o, now i dont play alot and when/if i do play its while there at work 1-3 hrs a day maybe 2 days a week at most. i mean iv even quit for alomst 3 months cause they askd me to and not one thing changed, i really enjoy ffxi and is about the only thing i do in my free time when i get free time and they dont wanna do anythng together.
i jst wanted to know what you all would do if in the same position?
and iv thought all about this from both sides, but its really the only thing i do, i dont barhop or waste money on stupid stuff. but its like they wanna change me to their liking, and i dont see that as being right. and from quitin b4 and nothing chang'n i dont wanna quit and end up havin no game to play if they leave. which is where its at now, i play one more time and there gone.

sorry i know this is kinda serious and all but i think alot of ppl deal w/ the same kinda situation from time to time. do you keep the game or try to hold on to a nearly broken relationship? any kinda input will be helpfull. i know RL > GL but idk if im left alone why not play?.......

 

[LadyKiKi]

Find points to counterargue. Such as: Does your other half like TV shows such as (picking up from a vague list in mind), Pop Idol, Celeb Shows, Drama (them endless ones), reality TV shows and such? If they think that you're wasting time playing this game, you damn well argue back about them wasting time watching such TV shows. Pick on anything your other half does as an activity that is enjoyed and argue against them there.

 

[kaybrie]

well the only thing they do is read books nonstop, i mean thats great and all, cant argue about learnin but i mean all there free time is readin books. hard to argue that, iv tried lol

 

[LadyKiKi]

well the only thing they do is read books nonstop, i mean thats great and all, cant argue about learnin but i mean all there free time is readin books. hard to argue that, iv tried lol

Then put it this way, we're gonna die no matter what in the end, but it seems that the only way they can make you stop playing the game is by YOU making them stop reading books. No more bullshit, why the heck should you give up something you enjoy and they shouldn't?

 

[Shaidalyn]

Insecure.

I think you s/o is insecure about who you meet online (while I have met some utter scum .. (and dated it.. /shudder) some of the most amazing people I have met were online. I met my current room mate whom I lvoe to death via online so I swear by it.. Maybe they are worried you will be hurt or find better.. who knows.. people are confusing.. I personally put my foot down on my life.. No one own you nor controls your actions but yourself. If you wanna play, make them give you a real reason to say not to.. "Waste of time" is ignorant. What is -not- a waste of a time? TV? waste of time.. Reading? You don't LEARN from Anne Rice except possibly grammatical and linguistic skills. I learned a lot about talking and how to act from books when I was younger, they helped more than school.. >.> but at about 18? It stops. You have the basic knowledge.. Books are enjoyment.. .and a waste of time.. Anything you do is a wwaste of time unless it somehow benefits you in a great way or multiple people..

I could argue playing XI is beneficial in it keeps me sane sometimes.. and the friends I make find it beneficial as to have met me.. So yeah.. stupid arguement in "waste of time"... your s/o reminds me of someone who would lock their bf or gf inside and never let them go out to bars etc.. sorry <.<

 

[LadyKiKi]

So yeah.. stupid arguement in "waste of time"... your s/o reminds me of someone who would lock their bf or gf inside and never let them go out to bars etc.. sorry <.<

Exactly, since when is anything NOT a waste of time? Heck, sleeping is a waste of time too, but aside from the benefit effects of it, what else are you supposed to do?

Challenge them. Either you both quit what you enjoy (you, game. the other, book), or fuck it, case closed.

 

[Courtney]

A friend of mine is in exactly the same situation.

If you find a solution, let me know...

 

[Trippyhippy]

Get a divorce. Buy another content ID for crafting.

 

[Bigboy]

Pee in his Cherios. Turnabout is fair play.

Ask him if he's always been the type to lay sweeping generalizations down and determine the value of something to others without their imput.

"I keep taking contraceptives, so I guess sex is a waste of time. Sorry. =/"

Female trump card go!

 

[TrIxX]

Ask yourself whether your significant other is more important than the game. Would you mess up your marriage over the game?

BTW reading books ftl, no offence ^_^ just my opinion

 

[Shaidalyn]

Pee in his Cherios. Turnabout is fair play.

Ask him if he's always been the type to lay sweeping generalizations down and determine the value of something to others without their imput.

"I keep taking contraceptives, so I guess sex is a waste of time. Sorry. =/"

Female trump card go!

omg.. laughed till tears.. I <3 you.. the other person may not find it so humorous but wowww

 

[Grem]

Female trump card go!

No offence. . .

But where does the OP state they are female?

 

[Westyle]

1. Cut off penis
2. Write satanic messages on the walls with your own feces
3. ????
4. Profit!

 

[Mishaela]

Hate to be crude, but...if they don't love you for who they are, to hell with them. A lot of people believe love is about compromise, and it may be...but that's not compromise, that's blackmail.

 

[Astyanax]

Ok, a question, how many other video games do you buy per month (since you got FFXI)?
I use to buy 5-6 games a month, now it's about 2. FFXI saved me money, over the near 3 years I've been playing.

 

[Psylentcuda]

bottom line is FFXI is a game, a very addictive game but a game nonetheless. You are with your partner because the two of you got along at some point in time. Maybe if you weren't so wrapped up in FFXI you could see its a time sink. I know that and still play because I live in a small town with not much to do during the summers. This game will become outdated in time and you'll have to buy FFXV or something like that which will be the next online game. You need to think about the future, not that this game is fun and you want to play it. That's selfish, I'm sure if you show your partner love and leave FFXI in the dust it wont be a bad decision.

RL > FFXI

 

[rukkia]

don't put out for a month.

 

[mysticalone]

don't put out for a month.

this may very well be why he/she is in this situation to begin with *shrugs*
:crazy:

 

[Mishaela]

bottom line is FFXI is a game, a very addictive game but a game nonetheless. You are with your partner because the two of you got along at some point in time. Maybe if you weren't so wrapped up in FFXI you could see its a time sink.

now i dont play alot and when/if i do play its while there at work 1-3 hrs a day maybe 2 days a week at most.

I don't think that's hitting the nail on the head. =/ Seriously, getting mad at someone for playing a game during their free time is just awkward. If it cut into homework or quality time it'd be one thing, but this person's getting mad at what kaybrie does for a leisure activity when s/he's not even around. That's just...uhm...obsessive?

 

[Zyndara]

bottom line is FFXI is a game, a very addictive game but a game nonetheless. You are with your partner because the two of you got along at some point in time. Maybe if you weren't so wrapped up in FFXI you could see its a time sink. I know that and still play because I live in a small town with not much to do during the summers. This game will become outdated in time and you'll have to buy FFXV or something like that which will be the next online game. You need to think about the future, not that this game is fun and you want to play it. That's selfish, I'm sure if you show your partner love and leave FFXI in the dust it wont be a bad decision.

RL > FFXI

I think you're missing the point here. Kaybrie didn't say in the post "I've been playing FFXI nonstop and it's ruining my marriage." In fact, what Kay said was:

now i dont play alot and when/if i do play its while there at work 1-3 hrs a day maybe 2 days a week at most. i mean iv even quit for alomst 3 months cause they askd me to and not one thing changed, i really enjoy ffxi and is about the only thing i do in my free time when i get free time and they dont wanna do anythng together.

So here's the thing. Kay plays for a few hours a couple days a week while the significant other is at work... a very minimal amount of time compared to most people I know who play this game. Siggy seems to be getting irritated that Kay's time isn't being "well spent" while he/she is not present. So there's a couple of big issues here: 1) Married, dating, living together, whatever with someone does not make them your keeper. Respect is fundamental in every relationship. I'm sure the significant other has some things he/she enjoys during free time that don't wow Kay... Kay mentions reading. Last time I checked, reading is not a multi-person gig. And I'm pretty sure Siggy would be irritated as hell if Kay said, "Gee, there's a lot more constructive things you can do with your time than read." If Siggy can read in peace, Kay can play in peace. I'm sorry, but you're very wrong to call the OP selfish when it's stated in the quote above that, despite the lack of fairness involved, Kay gave up FF for a few months to try to make the significant other happy. Hardly sounds selfish to me... sounds like someone who is willing to do what they can to make things better if it does, in fact, make things better, which it's further mentioned it did not. 2) Kay says there are bigger issues than the apparent problem Siggy has with FF. "nearly broken relationship" doesn't sound to me like everything was dandy until FF came along. Siggy may be picking one thing to bitch about, but it seems to me there are deeper rooted problems.

Kay, I don't know if it's really advice you are seeking or if you are looking for a reason to move on from this relationship. It doesn't sound to me like you're saying "My significant other won't let me play FF so it's over." I don't think you should be confrontational with your spouse, despite the fact that it would be very easy to allow yourself to get defensive because he/she is being unfair to you regarding your personal time. What I do think is that you should sit down and take a long, hard look at what is really going on in your relationship. Put FF aside and ask yourself if this person respects your personal space... your personal freedoms and your identity. Being married does not mean someone commandeers your likes and dislikes or dictates to you what you will or will not do. Like any relationship, it's about compromise and willingness to understand and be together but still be your own person. I would maybe plan some time to have a calm, rational conversation and try to meet some common ground using the very imformation you provided to us... Tell your S.O. that you appreciate that they enjoy reading in their spare time and you respect that... and ask them to, in turn, respect what you enjoy for your free time, especially given that you seem to have gone out of your way to do it when he/she isn't even around... If they still object, ask them very plainly what problem they have with your playing the game, and why it's taking shape after your playing without issue for so long. It could be, as someone else said, that they are insecure, and if they are, all that might be needed on your part is a little reassurance... maybe a little extra effort on together time before you decide to sit down to play FF for a while. Also, you mentioned that when you quit last time, nothing changed... can we assume that means once you no longer could play FF which you enjoyed in your free time, your S.O. didn't make any more effort to spend more time with you? There's a strange double standard/ hypocracy thing going on there if that's the case... It's like saying I'm gonna go over here and read for a few hours, but you can't play your game even though I'm having nothing to do with you at the moment.

Don't make any hasty decisions, and absolutely don't make any major changes in your life because of FF. Yes it is a game, and yes, your real life and the people in it are far more valuable, especially in the context of a marriage. But I would definitely ask yourself if this is a pattern with your spouse as far as control issues. Three years is not a very long time, but control-freak issues can get much, much worse over time once that flood-gate is opened. Remember that you are entitled to respect no matter what. If you want your marriage to work, you will find a way to make it work. Just find a way that is something you can live with... something you can wake up and look at yourself in the mirror every morning and not regret.

I apologize for the very lengthy post, but I feel strongly that you're being manipulated a bit and it really sounded like you could use the support. I wish you all the best of luck. I hope that things work out for you.