Who should pay?

[Duragon]

Hey guys, first time posting here, and I want to find out who should be at fault for this situation:

Okay, I live in hilo hawaii, and me and 3 of my friends made a plan to go to Oahu, and we all paid our trip (came out to $1200 all together for roundtrip and hotel). So everything was going smoothly until the day before we leave. Me and my friend was wondering where my other friend (Which I shall name "A") was, since we didn't hear from him in a while, we called him up, no answer. He was an important part of the trip since he was the one to rent a car there and basically drive us around. So he texted me on my phone later saying that he couldn't go because he was in pain because of his wisdom teeth and needed to go to surgery. So we ended up with no transportation when we got there. Trip went okay, and we came back home a few days later. 2-3 weeks later he asks me if we could pay him back for the trip because he needed money for his surgery. Put it this way, we spent most of our money there and he's asking us to pay him back. Okay, I might put this in a negative way, but seriously, in my point of view it's not our problem but his. you see he claims he forgot about the trip that he spent $300 on, and he had to make an appointment on one of the days that we were gonna be in Oahu. Now, if he made the appointment before the trip, and if he actually remembered about the trip period, he could of cancelled and gotten most of his money back, but instead, he waits 2-3 weeks after the trip and texts me asking if it would be possible to pay him for the trip, which means more money out of me and my friends pockets (which are kinda empty). So we let things go for a bit, and I talk to him on MSN later that week, and I told him that if my ex (call her "B") pays me back, I'll give you some money. BTW, she owes me $300 and right now, we aren't on good terms. Anyway, he snitched by telling her that I'd give him money if she paid me back.

Today wasn't very a good day for me either, I'm going through depression, work was unbearable, and I get a message on myspace from her out of nowhere and she puts this:

Date: May 1, 2006 3:19 AM

"you know wat...i don't think it's fair dat you told "A" dat you won't pay him back until i pay you back because dat is his money...he paid for it fair n square n i think it's only rite dat you pay him back because you know dat i am going to pay you back...well, pease jus give him his money...your being really ridiculous n immature..."

Yeah, I got pissed, maybe I shouldn't have, but I didn't believe that I would get a message from her. I got pissed because I had a feeling he was being two-faced between me and her, yet I let it slide, but she just comes outta the blue and practically trying to demand that I give him money when it wasn't really my fault in the first place for not getting a refund. Maybe I'm being cold-hearted, but isn't it a little too late to ask us for money? Well, she was asking me to pay him, not my friends which is bullshit. So that put a damper on my night, so here is my reply to her:

"Excuse me, why are you amping at me for? Why the fuck isn't it fair? I'm not the only one that has to pay him back, he asked me, justin and troy to pay him back so wtf? I don't think its right that we have to pay out extra money just because he didn't go, he made the plans for the dentist BEFORE we left, he coulda cancelled the trip and gotten a refund, but by then it was too late, he already had major pain by the time we tried to reach him. and right now I don't have much money since I lent out money to people, and they still didn't pay me back, you know I would help him out, but right now my budget is kinda low, so first off you gotta understand my point of view. You want "A" to get his money back? you gotta talk to troy and Justin too, not just me."

So what I wanna know is what would you guys do in that kind of situation, because as fucked up as it is (to me), I don't feel that I have to be responsible for something like that.

 

[alanon]

Based only on what you said, I say "Fuck him, he screwed himself".

 

[Lanien]

Yeah, the same type of thing just happened with my sister. She was making a trip to Florida with 7 of her friends over Spring Break. One girl drops out after paying for hotel and plane ticket and such, but then backs out and can't go for some reason. The girls were splitting the rooms 8 ways since there were 8 girls. So they had to make up for the 8th girl not being there, so it cost them all a few extra bucks. No worries. The airline ticket however couldn't be cancelled. The girl who backed out then asked each of the girls to pay her $30 to make up for the money she lost on the airplane ticket. Now friends or not, it's not the 7 girls' fault that the one couldn't go. She should be SOL.

So I say the same thing in your case. That dude is SOL.

 

[Bigboy]

Yeah, you're his friend not a safety net for his own idiocy.

And your ex is a bitch for giving you shit about paying him back and saying how wrong it was for you not to pay him back when she owed you money herself. But I suppose thats why she's your ex.

Your friend needs to learn to be more responsible. I've actually been in his situation before, and when I had to bail I left all the money I had put in behind so my friends could enjoy their trip without suddenly having an added expence. The trip was planned around the idea that it would cost each person a set amount to go. Pulling out not only sucks for him, because he can't go, but it could potentially put the trip out of budget for others who had intended to, but only for the set price agreed upon ahead of time.

Explain this to your friend and how you were never intending for the trip to cost you more than your share, as thats what you had agreed to. If you can make him understand how he screwed you, things might change in his head. To top this off you would short $600 since your GF still owes you $300 if you paid him, therefor, he wouldn't suffer at all, while you suffered twice as much.

 

[Taravel]

I was also in a similar situation about a year ago.

A group of us made plans to go to Mexico for a week and we were spliting each room between two people. I made the mistake of planing this trip without checking my schedule, my best friend from college was getting married.

To remedy the situation I only had to leave for home 2 days before everyone else. Unfortunatly this would have resulted in my friend having to pay for a double room by himself. Since it was my fault that I had to put him in this situation I paid the price increase of my friends trip (since it was my fault).

Your friend needs to do the same and eat his losses. It sucks, but it is not your fault that he was in this situation.

PS. The Mexico trip was a disaster.

I got totally wasted and ended up with third degree sunburn on my shoulders, and second degree sunburn on my back and stomach.

The worst part though, was that my buddies fiancee ate somethin that gave her a stomach infection. She had to be hospitalized (in Mexico) the day that I left to go home. She is Ok now but it took her months to get back to full health.

 

[Lokkin]

I'd said you are being an extraodinarily cool guy about it all. He should have cancelled and he shouldn't be asking you for money after coming back from holiday, he knows you paid for it as well. Also, him going to your ex about it is ridiculous, and how she took it, you made it so that, should your ex pay you back, you'd have the money to give him. She, or he, who knows, twisted it, to make it seem as if you were refusing to pay. That right there would make me blow as freaking fuse.

It's his fault man, most definitely, not your fault he was a spectacular dumbass. Also, props to you on taking it so well, and on your reply to your ex. Personally, my reply would've had a lot more f, a, b and s words in it. But hey, that's just me, your a nicer guy than me apparently

EDIT: Upon closer inspection, wouldn't it cost Duragon $100 bucks? considering there was four guys and the guy that pulled out asked all three of them for $300 dollars(collectively)cause of losing out on his money for not cancelling and shiz?

 

[Sculli]

Here is what I would do.
I would tell 'A' in factual terms the way I look at it (just like you did in the OP for us, less the drama). I would say that you would probably look at it the same way if you were in 'A's situation (note here that you are not saying that you agree with A, you are merely saying that if it was you in A's position, you would likely see it the same way).

The rest is up to you, if you want to sympathize then you could say that regardless of what happened, you understand the bind the person is in now (again, you are not agreeing that he should get a refund), and that you would be willing to help him out some, however you just can not afford it. Should your ex pay you back, then you will be able to pass some of that money on, other than that, good luck with that surgery.

Seems to me that 'A' changed his mind before the trip and just didn't have the guts to tell you guys. Lesson learned is that if you know in advance that you can't keep a committment, let the others involved know asap, chances are they will understand, even if they won't be happy about it.

 

[Direwolf]

You can not bail out of a trip like that the night of going. Its just not doable. He paid for his ticket and his hotel spot. Because he choose not to go, that means his plane seat and his hotel room where empty. That is his own damn fault.

Now if you took his ticket it, and canceled it, and kept his hotel room money, then yea that aint cool. If you where all sharing a hotel room/suite/condo then again, his own fault.

 

[Arctyrael]

This is why planning for the worst is always a good idea to any that are looking to do this in the future. I am currently working up plans to take a road trip to Paramounts Kings Island with my friends next summer and I am glad I saw this. Definitely opened my eyes to the other side of the trip :: the bad side.

This is also why events and such do not offer refunds this close to the event itself. If you reserve your spot, but need to cancel weeks in advance, their is plenty of time to find someone else to pick up the slack. However, if you cancel days before - you are affecting everyone if you get your money back at that point.

I agree with Sculli here. You need to let him know that his forgetfullness may have been a mistake, but it shouldn't have ruined the vacation for anyone else. Your friend needs to bite the bullet on this one.

 

[Duragon]

thanks for the reply guys, I talked to one of my friends that went with me on the trip about it and he too said that it's not our responsibility to pay him for not going on the trip. My question is how can you forget about a trip you paid for??? My friend told me he saw him at walmart a few times before the trip buying a lot of useless crap, maybe that's why he's down the hole so much too, and not to mention that guy has a kid, and his ex is a bitch. All she does is be nice to him when she needs money, and then when she gets money, she ignores him. We never kept any of his money btw, none of us here would do that to someone, and the most irritating part about it is that he came to me 2-3 weeks after the trip just to ask me if me and my friends could reimburse him for it. I wasn't mad at all until my ex messaged me making it look like it was my responsibility to take over his loss. She could've been nice about it, and then I wouldn't mind helping out, but she just messaged me without even thinking. Plus on that note "A" always told me that she talked shit about me to him, and she has contacted me a few times after I ignored her and she was being nice to me over the phone. She's just as two-faced as him, if not worse, I had to pay her macys bill for god sakes, and that's why she owes me $300. She did get workers comp... "A" told me that she got money, and that she had almost 2k from it, but did I recieve any money from her? no, and I bet now she's broke because she spent it all on Alcohol and Cigarettes. How LAME!!!

 

[Direwolf]

Probaly should be glad she is your Ex then. If people try making you feel guilty about it don't give into them.

 

[Kotsu]

Duragon, just tell the guy "You gave us no notice about no going, so forget it. Your money is ours for inconvenience fee's."

My friends and I, whom all play FFXI under the LS DiviniusProeliators (like 10 of us), are going down to the Outer Banks. I dropped $3200 up front to pay for the place. They each paid me back, 320 a person. Some gave 400 so that I can pick up food. They all know though, that if they decide not to go that they're outta luck and aren't going to see their money returned to their hands. So, that's the way you should set it up next time. Make sure they understand, money doesn't just grow on tree's. If you say you're doing something, then do it. If they can't back up what they say, than you and the others shouldn't have to suffer and lose money due to you sticking to your word.