Why fear death? (not a joke)

[Kat]

Hmmm, nice analogy.

Basically, I feel that when you're young, you're fearless. Then you "cross over" for lack of a better word to adulthood. Not just adulthood, but you are no longer the child, you are the adult taking care of your child. That's when you really realize the value of life imho. You go from bein' fearless, to selfless and you become more cautious. You start to think about things like, "If I do this, and I die, who will care for my children?" etc. When you have children of your own, you realize it's not just you anymore and you need to be there for them. And, I know there are people out there who are adults with no children, who also feel this way.

I really hate dredging this up, but the best way I can explain it is this. My nephews Christopher and Sammy were 6 and 4 years old (they are now/will be 12 and 10) when their Mom died. When they look at me, and say "Aunt Kathi, you look so much like my Mom", it rips my heart out. When they ask me to tell them about her, it makes my heart soar cuz they do want to know things, and discuss her. She's still a part of us. But what hurts the worst is them having to go year after year and putting her Mother's Day cards, Birthday cards, etc on her grave. My niece was 18 when Angel died. Angel died in September, Michelle graduated High School the following June. And Michelle graduated from the same High School myself and my sister graduated from. It was supposed to be a really big hoopla. Instead, my niece was just turning into a woman, and didn't even have her Mom at her Graduation.

My Dad was turning 50 that year, in October. Again, Angel died in September. Matter of fact, the last time I literally saw my sister we were at my house doin' the Surprise 50th Birthday Party invitations for my Dad's party in October. Needless to say, we never even celebrated my Dad's Birthday or mine that year. We were born 2 days apart.

Death itself is not what I fear. It's the repercussions of the family members who survive from the situation.

Lastly, the one thing I will always remember the most about the night my sister died was Christopher telling my Mom he wanted to see his Mommy. My Mom and my Brother-in-Law wouldn't tell them that Angel had died. My Mom told them that Angel was with the Doctors. Christopher's comeback was, "Oh good Bam (their name for my Mom), cuz I thought my Mommy was dead from all the blood on her shirt." I will never, ever forget Christopher saying that. We were all just dumbfounded. I think in that moment is when it really hit home for me. Wow, this has really got me thinkin' about that nite again. I myself, had just gotten outa the hospital, but that is another story.

Again, it's not "death". It's the what happens from someone dying. And, I'm sure alot of you have similar stories about family, friends, etc.

Good grief I'm gonna stop now. I keep thinkin' of more things to say. Sorry for the long post, with the coming up Holidays it always make me more nostalgic than the norm.

 

[Fellina]

I'd have to agree with Kat 100%. On everything she's said. Looking back, pretty much from the time that I understood what death was, I didn't really fear it. I took stupid risks. I went hanggliding. I walked down dark city alleyways just because it was faster.

All that stopped when I had my daughter. The knowledge that there's another person in this world who is 100% dependant on you to teach them how to live their life, makes you value your own so much more- not for your sake, but for theirs. I don't fear my death of old age, with my grown children passing on what they've learned from me to their children. I do fear being ripped from my children early, before they've had the time to grow up. Same goes for my husband- I fear his death as well, and the impact it would have on our daughter.

When Sofia was just 5 months old, this really hit home. Carl went into the hospital for chest pains. Doctors ran a bunch of tests, and finally found the cause. A birth defect had left Carl with a weak spot in his aorta, which had finally ruptured, leaving a full-fledged hole in his heart. If it had been positioned differently, the aneurysm would have left him dead 2 days past. However, though he was still alive he was in terrible danger, and had to have immediate open-heart surgery. I remember very clearly, when we heard this news. Sofia was sitting on carl's lap, and reached up to touch his face. I was devastated to think, that if he died tomorrow on that operating table, that the only memories of her father would have to come secondhand. That is what I think of, when I think of fearing death.