Worst xmas ever

[Chasym]

While i mostly could not wait for my kids to open their gifts and have a blast, I find myself worrying now where my kids will live in a month.
You see, i lost my house a couple years ago and had to move into my grandfathers upstairs with my family until we became financially stable enough to move out.
Well an opportunity came up on a house on the same street my parents lived on, and a block away from the house i lost.
So i looked into it and bargained with the guy and guy him down to a pretty decent price for this neighborhood and a nice brick house.
But we could now afford it on our own, and i knew my best friends mom was kicking him out soon and he needed a place so i talked to him and we made a deal that we would all move in and split the bills.
This was last may. We have not lived here for a year yet, and my friend is moving out now. Kinda hurt that he backed out on our deal this early when the deal was that he would stay till we were stable to hold it on our own, and it will still be a few months before thats possible.

We cant move back to my grandfathers, and my parents still have my siblings living there and no space at all for us. We would quite literally be out on the street soon. Well me and my wife maybe, my mom could take the kids for awhile and we would have to find a big storage place for all of our stuff, but its really heartbreaking for me right now.
Ive been searching up and down for a job for awhile, but no one will hire me right now because i dont have my diploma or GED...not even fast food will hire me.
So i started doing GED classes a few months ago and currently have enough hours for the grant on the test fee.
But i have not got far enough into my math studies to be able to confidently pass the test, and i wont be able to recieve my GED either way till july. Which i have a job waiting for me as soon as i obtain it.

It kinda feels like my friend only cares about himself in a way, because i did talk to him about this before hand and told him how we would have nowhere to go if he left right now. But at the same time i cant say that because its his life and we are not his responsibility.
I just feel awfully hurt because i dont think i could ever do that to him if i was in the same situation. We have been best friends since high school, and ive always been there for him and usually he has for me.
When his mom was sick from her surgery for thanksgiving and they were not going to have a thanksgiving dinner, I went out and got a full course dinner for them.
Even offered money to help them with bills.
When he moved back home from georgia, i would drive him back and forth from work in the early AM no matter how tired i was until he could get a car. Up until my car broke down.
And at the same time...i never really asked him for anything as major as this before, and had i known if in less than a year id be struggling to find out how to save my family...i would have never made this deal and moved here.

Granted we can make it by stretching our money very thin, we would have to lose phone, cable and internet to do so. But it will put us hard up for gas and diapers. Im going out of my way to sell everyting i care about, guitars, computer, xbox, whatever i can for extra money. Tho its gonna kill me because i promised my kids some of those guitars when they get older, and even more so...they were all gifts mostly from over the years.

It hurts to know my kids may open their presents this year and we may have to put them in storage soon.

Most of all, the worst thing coming out of all of this is the return of my depression. my family has a bi-polar disorder that runs in it, and i have been able to control mine since high school, i was on anti-depressants for 2 years before i stopped taking them, and now...i feel like i did back then, no ambition, no care in the world for anything except worry. Now ill be back on those pills again im sure.


Theres so much i want to say to my friend about backing out and leaving us in this situation right now, but theres alot of counter balance that makes me keep my mouth shut and just let it go and deal on my own.


Worse off, my friend once told me the only reason he went in on this deal was because of my kids, because he couldnt stand seeing us living in such a small cramped room together and he knew they needed their own rooms. But i guess living on the street isnt much worse.

This is quite possibly the worst xmas i have ever had, and its not because of me, its because i can only worry for my kids and cry myself to sleep at night because this house means everything to them, and to me because its for them.

I know its not his responsibility, its mine and thats why as much as it hurts my best friend is leavin me hangin, i cant express how i feel about it.

 

[Arianelle]

I'm really sorry to hear about your tough time, Chasym. I know people probably have told you this, but things will get better for you. This time last year I was going through a seriously tough time as far as stability and finances and I also had a little boy to worry about. Even my aunt right now, a woman with a Master's Degree cannot find a job, so I know it's rough out there. Your friend leaving you high and dry like that is kind of messed up, but if you guys are under a lease agreement that both of you signed, you could still hold him responsible for half of the rent for the rest of the lease. You may not wanna go civil lawsuit on your friend like that, though =/

It's good to see that you are working to better yourself, but in the mean time I do have a couple of suggestions that may help you get back on your feet. It may be kind of tough at first, but you could try going to your local Social Services Dept and requesting some sort of assistance. They will be more helpful since you have little ones to look after, I imagine. I also learned recently that many states will hire people with as little as an 8th grade education doing things like janitorial work or carpentry. Sure it's not the most glamorous of jobs, but it will get the bills paid and state benefits are always good and the employment is stable. Try looking up your state's official website and look under employment opportunities. The job market always opens up after the holidays, so try getting involved with some labor-oriented temp agencies. Education won't be as important and you can easily build experience.

I recall from another thread of yours that you do have religious faith, so I would recommend prayer. Nothing special, but something from your heart. Whenever I've gone through my worst times, I've followed the advice of someone I look to as my second mother. She told me to put all of my burdens on Jesus and he will work everything out for me. It has helped me to not lose it in many situations and things have always worked out for me, whether I thought I deserved it or not. I've gotten through some of the most impossible situations and because of that I stress so much less now. I don't let things get me down, because He's always shown me that he will take care of me. Trust me, sometimes things get worse before they get better.

The holidays always make it hard because there are so many pressures to be a certain way and do all these things around this time of year. I'm sure your family will be very understanding of whatever sacrifices you have to make to get through this hard time. I'll pray for you and I believe that you will be blessed. God helps those who help themselves and you're doing your best.

 

[Chasym]

I'm really sorry to hear about your tough time, Chasym. I know people probably have told you this, but things will get better for you. This time last year I was going through a seriously tough time as far as stability and finances and I also had a little boy to worry about. Even my aunt right now, a woman with a Master's Degree cannot find a job, so I know it's rough out there. Your friend leaving you high and dry like that is kind of messed up, but if you guys are under a lease agreement that both of you signed, you could still hold him responsible for half of the rent for the rest of the lease. You may not wanna go civil lawsuit on your friend like that, though =/

It's good to see that you are working to better yourself, but in the mean time I do have a couple of suggestions that may help you get back on your feet. It may be kind of tough at first, but you could try going to your local Social Services Dept and requesting some sort of assistance. They will be more helpful since you have little ones to look after, I imagine. I also learned recently that many states will hire people with as little as an 8th grade education doing things like janitorial work or carpentry. Sure it's not the most glamorous of jobs, but it will get the bills paid and state benefits are always good and the employment is stable. Try looking up your state's official website and look under employment opportunities. The job market always opens up after the holidays, so try getting involved with some labor-oriented temp agencies. Education won't be as important and you can easily build experience.

I recall from another thread of yours that you do have religious faith, so I would recommend prayer. Nothing special, but something from your heart. Whenever I've gone through my worst times, I've followed the advice of someone I look to as my second mother. She told me to put all of my burdens on Jesus and he will work everything out for me. It has helped me to not lose it in many situations and things have always worked out for me, whether I thought I deserved it or not. I've gotten through some of the most impossible situations and because of that I stress so much less now. I don't let things get me down, because He's always shown me that he will take care of me. Trust me, sometimes things get worse before they get better.

The holidays always make it hard because there are so many pressures to be a certain way and do all these things around this time of year. I'm sure your family will be very understanding of whatever sacrifices you have to make to get through this hard time. I'll pray for you and I believe that you will be blessed. God helps those who help themselves and you're doing your best.

thanks, honestly this made me feel better and really helped. Ill take your advice to heart.

Alot of my stress is already there because i was diagnosed with a staph infection that later turned out to be MRSA, and the outcome of that is not truly clear yet, But scarily enough it can kill me :/ I have friends dying all around me and many with fatal illnesses as well so this on top of it all makes it like the world collapsed in.

We are on welfare currently because of the kids, but we do not accept the cash portion of it . i am heading out tomorrow with my dad to look at getting a job where his friend is supervisor, Everyone knows im going to hate this job because of what it involves and how dangerous it can get, but i dont have a choice really.
My friend isnt on the lease because well...hes been like my brother...so i trusted him. But i wish i had made sure >.>

thanks for your response and merry christmas!

 

[Bedwarmer]

The hardest lesson I ever had to learn is to not deal financially with people you have emotional attachment to. Especially friends and siblings. It's aways a recipe for pain in the short-term future.

Suggestion: Military. Whatever your opinion is about the war, politics, policy and whatnot, the military takes care of married people, especially with children involved. You have an outlet to maintain your children, as you've posted, use that time for the initial 4-6 months it takes to be assigned to permanent duty and hit the admin department to find yourself on the priority list for post housing. You live in Georgia? Ft. Benning is right there, as is Ft. Gordon and whatever the base is down in Savannah (idr atm ._. ). You can hit yourself for a 2 year enlistment, 6 months of which are training, another 6 of short-term service (Means you're basically non-deploy-able) leaving you with a 1 year commitment of unknown destination. In the meantime your family would be taken care of financially and housing-wise and you'd most likely be left with time to obtain whatever education you're after. You'd also be surprised to discover how much military experience transfers into hard college credits.

 

[Arianelle]

The hardest lesson I ever had to learn is to not deal financially with people you have emotional attachment to. Especially friends and siblings. It's aways a recipe for pain in the short-term future.

Suggestion: Military. Whatever your opinion is about the war, politics, policy and whatnot, the military takes care of married people, especially with children involved. You have an outlet to maintain your children, as you've posted, use that time for the initial 4-6 months it takes to be assigned to permanent duty and hit the admin department to find yourself on the priority list for post housing. You live in Georgia? Ft. Benning is right there, as is Ft. Gordon and whatever the base is down in Savannah (idr atm ._. ). You can hit yourself for a 2 year enlistment, 6 months of which are training, another 6 of short-term service (Means you're basically non-deploy-able) leaving you with a 1 year commitment of unknown destination. In the meantime your family would be taken care of financially and housing-wise and you'd most likely be left with time to obtain whatever education you're after. You'd also be surprised to discover how much military experience transfers into hard college credits.

Military is also a good suggestion. If my boyfriend could not find a better paying job by July of this year, he was going to enlist because we needed the money and recently found out I was pregnant. They will train you and help pay for any education you want. They also have nice sign-on bonuses if you make an X-year commitment.

 

[Chasym]

Military is also a good suggestion. If my boyfriend could not find a better paying job by July of this year, he was going to enlist because we needed the money and recently found out I was pregnant. They will train you and help pay for any education you want. They also have nice sign-on bonuses if you make an X-year commitment.

you know, time to time i thought about it, and im not sure but dont you need a high school education or equivelant for that?
but at the same time, i fear the being in the military, i was always scared of being drafted when i was younger. Probly goes back to some nightmares i used to have where i was actually in a war in the french military and got stabbed in the stomach by a bayonet. Ironically i have major stomach problems with un explained pains and such that no doctor has been able to figure out when i bring it up, been through lots o tests for it.
and with the worlds current state, it kinda makes me more afraid of that option.

 

[Areya]

you know, time to time i thought about it, and im not sure but dont you need a high school education or equivelant for that?
but at the same time, i fear the being in the military, i was always scared of being drafted when i was younger. Probly goes back to some nightmares i used to have where i was actually in a war in the french military and got stabbed in the stomach by a bayonet. Ironically i have major stomach problems with un explained pains and such that no doctor has been able to figure out when i bring it up, been through lots o tests for it.
and with the worlds current state, it kinda makes me more afraid of that option.

well...does it feel like heartburn stomach problems...or physical pain stomach problems...?

I had an issue regarding a stomach acid problem which revolved around stress. If you feel as if you're getting heartburn 24/7 after you eat like greasy fast food, tomatoes, or anything with a high acid base, you might be getting a stomach ulcer. I had some stomach acid problems in college which almost resulted in my gain of a stomach ulcer, but they treated it with pills, and to this day I've felt fine.

 

[alanon]

I was bumping uglies with a chick not that long ago, who was 22 and had no diploma or GED and got herself hired into Inverness doing laundry. If all else fails, Marco's is ALWAYS hiring.

 

[Chasym]

well...does it feel like heartburn stomach problems...or physical pain stomach problems...?

I had an issue regarding a stomach acid problem which revolved around stress. If you feel as if you're getting heartburn 24/7 after you eat like greasy fast food, tomatoes, or anything with a high acid base, you might be getting a stomach ulcer. I had some stomach acid problems in college which almost resulted in my gain of a stomach ulcer, but they treated it with pills, and to this day I've felt fine.

well i DO have acid refulx, and i take prilosec, doctor prescribed and have to take it all the time, every few days or so. Its usually sharp pains and i already assumed it was an ulcer possibly. I just found out this past week i cannot drink lemonade at all anymore. Just the smallest sip burns going down and starts an instant acid fest. same with kool aid and orange juice.
I had to go through alot of tests and scans for a throat problem i had a couple years ago where i fell asleep and acid was sitting in my throat and every time i swallowed you could hear a click sound in my throat and a huge lump would just pop the front of my throat to the side, and while the doctors could put their hand on my neck and feel this happening, they could not find out what was causing it.
A few months later it just went away.
Ive told my doctor about my stomach pains and he would push on my stomach and ask if i felt pain in certain spots and i would say no when he pushed on it, but the last time it did hurt when he did...and he basically did not inform me of anything about it, and went on like i never brought it up and ignored it.
And when i was diagnosed with staph he just looked at me with his eyes and said thats what i got, no tests, nothing.
so i changed doctors.
Because after i took all the meds he gave me my condition only got worse, and ive become very weak anymore to the point where walking up stairs or picking up my kids leaves me insanley weak and out of breath, my shoulders lock up and hurt and ive got random scabs appearing on my head, arms, legs, neck, behind my ears, and my eyebrows and nose have dandruff like skin.
my wife, whom works at a hospital found that if diagnosed with staph, and the medicines dont work, its a mutated form called MRSA, which normal antibiotics are immune to. And there are very few that have a chance of curing it.
It usually appears in people age 23 (my age) on up, and can be fatal, and in recent years has killed more people than aids.
Its usually only caught by people recently hospitalized from surgeries, which i have not been.
Its luckily not contagious, but could be very bad if i get the flu or a simple cold, i could go into toxic shock and shut down my lungs.
Every symptom ive read for MRSA is the exact symptoms ive had.
So, i recently got changed over to a new doctor and am awaiting a visit to him for a second opinion and hope of a cure.

It doesnt help when i got a good friend who does nothing but help people diagnosed with four diseases, and in recent months was told to call everyone he can and say goodbye because they could not save him, only to be saved by an un tested miracle drug that was a last resort.

and at that same time, a friend of mine from high school died of a brain tumor, A month after her 21st birthday, her daughter was not even 1 year old yet, and they thought the surgery was a success until the tumor came back.
http://virginiaeverly.com/


Just before that, a friend from high school was shot and killed two blocks from where i live over a girl because some guy was mad he had a kid with her.
The trial was live on tv, and the guy threatened the kids father when his sentence was read that when he gets out hes coming for him.
Even worse in this case was another highschool friend was in the car with him and had to witness the entire thing, he was once a joking guy, whom now takes everything very seriously and is very calm and careful. I didnt used to like the guy...but hes decent now because of this :/
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-168139297.html

couple months before that a good friend of mine shot and killed himself because of the stress of his marriage, and no one would listen to him when he wanted someone to talk to.

gets scary thinking i could be next in line. all ive been anymore is depressed, sick and weak with my whole family depending on me.
Cant say how many times ive just broke down because of it all, and how hard it is to keep composure for those who need me to.
Its more scary to hear how people sense when their time is drawing near and accept it, And how much ive actually felt just that.
I constantly look at everything as if it could be the last time i do, and i mean everything. just little stuff like the sky, the stars, the snow, mostly my kids.
And the dreams dont help it either because they are all so real.
and its a far out there thing to say members of my family have all posessed some sort of psychic power through their dreams, like my mom whom will randomly dream about a family member she never dreams about, or usually its her deceased grandmother she sees, and she automatically knows someone in our family is gonna die, it just happened recently actually with an uncle of ours in virgina, she told my grandpa a week before it happened she had a dream about him and didnt think it would be long.

when i had my suicide attempt in high school, the one that i wouldnt be here now if it wasnt for my best friend just showing up at my last moment of awareness before i passed out. My mom dreamed about it a month before it happened, and i remember waking up hearing my mom upstairs crying with my dad saying "he was just hanging there, my baby was just hanging there".

My dreams, are just like that. so...If ive been on edge or taken any anger out on anyone in the forum, im really sorry. So much is building up on me right now that im letting it get to me way too much, and while i do my best to reserve myself and ignore most things that are set to flamebait me, i guess i may have slipped.
One i know of is to gerry. sorry.

But, i think its time i went back to jesus, i havent been to church since jr high catholic school, and i stopped praying long ago, i usually just visited my grandfathers grave 3 times in the past few years and talked to him and bawled my eyes out, its too hard for my to go there right now because i cant handle that.

but time to go, my daughter is throwing kleenex snow balls at me XD

 

[Bedwarmer]

Just out of left-field, going in and talking to a Recruiter in no way obligates you to anything. If it's long deployed ground combat you seek to avoid than obviously the Marines and Army aren't your best option. Navy has massive long-term deployments that you'd most likely find yourself on reguardless if it's a combat deployment or not. I'd say look into the Air Force (This is in no way intended to suggest that Air Force is full of pussies who don't fight) If I could go back in time I would have joined Air Force over Army.

Even if military service is a last ditch plan it couldn't hurt to know what that plan consists of. All ya gotta do is walk into a recruitment office and they'll give you the spiel. Who knows, you may find it's not what you think and actually a good plan. They had 2-year deals when I went in in 92. idk about nowadays. Maybe even try the Reserves. Travel to exotic lands, meet interesting people, and kill them. But only on the weekends.:biggrin:

 

[Chasym]

hmm, well it may not be a coincidence then that a recruiter called me today saying i signed up for recruitment....when i didnt lol.
as of now i leave no option turned down, ill be doing anything i can. Im heading out in the morning for a look at another job that may take me right away, another crap job but a job none the less.
i just gotta do one other thing i guess....quit smoking...again. i quit years ago when i got sick from it, and then i got even sicker for quitting and having withdrawls, even lost my job because i was incapable of even leaving the bed (i also quit caffine at the same time, i was a heavy heavy pepsi drinker) but when my mom left my dad earlier this year...i picked up smoking again just temporarily to calm my nerves....then one thing came after another and im back to where i was, a pack + a day and a 2 liter or more of cola, i hate myself so much for it...i keep saying i wont buy another pack...then i do. But without it im a wreck right now...scared to actually go cold turkey and get sick again and why the fuck is the patch and gum so damn expensive?!
i got a long road of rebuilding to go.

 

[Reeve]

Take a deep breath and another... and one more.

A lot of company's start hiring at the start of the year. Put your resume out there and see what you can do. Try your hand at house painting -- call up a contractor and ask if they can use a hand for a honest day's wage.

 

[Trippyhippy]

Take a deep breath and another... and one more.

A lot of company's start hiring at the start of the year. Put your resume out there and see what you can do. Try your hand at house painting -- call up a contractor and ask if they can use a hand for a honest day's wage.

Construction is hard work, but it pays well and it will help you get in shape.

 

[Arianelle]

It's also Temp season, so try Labor Ready. They can find you employment in as little as 24 hours, I've been told. Assignments may not be long, but they aren't hard to find and they specialize in placement for unskilled labor, so you just have to prove that you can do the work and don't have to worry about educational background. They pay out quickly as well. There's one location in Toledo. Look them up at www.laborready.com.

 

[Chichiri97]

I hate to say this. But this story serves a good warning/lesson to me. I'm never going to think about marraige (maybe even a relationship) or kids until I'm sure I'm financially stable. Money is such a problem when it comes to running a family at an early age. Jobs are a bitch to find these days too, unless you're considering military. Hope everything turns out well for your family.

 

[Shyrra]

The good news is, you can use this as a story to tell your kids if they ever think about not graduating High School.

On topic, as per the military, you need to suck it up and do it, if that's all you've got in front of you. Need to stop worrying about your own misplaced fears and take care of your kids, they're your responsibility. Other than that, everyone else has pretty much said it all.

 

[Chasym]

i dont think using this as a story for my kids would help lol, my dad did the same thing and i never listened to him either, and only now do i see what he meant.

 

[Anttaru]

Friend of mine moved to the states to be with his internet lover whom he later married. He never had his High school diploma so it was a little rocky for him at first. He applied to get his GED and he got it. He then gone to college to shape him for his goals, then applied for an apprenticeship working as an electrician and got it. in short he bought a Truck and a House and a nice TV, he has good clothes and looks after the kids that came with the wife.

The time for you to hit the books is now. The greater risk is not taking any chances in a time when all you can do is lose anyway. You know what needs to be done to become something you want to be. It's just a matter of doing it. Then all you need to do is watch the field like a hawk while doing other jobs and TAKE the job as soon as you see it. Make sure people in the field know who you are. You can do this by requesting tours and letting them all know who you are.

It may sound repetitive, but the pain you're experiencing is most likely caused by stress. You're mind is attacking you causing accelerated illness. Be a strong daddy for the kids and go out there and score goals. Things will be different year after year when you do this, and this physical pain will ease up. No cable and no internet grants you less leisure activity, and when you get it back, it's best to keep doing what you're doing until no one can say anything to you. You have drive to make music and videos, make music and videos with the same content you're studying and make it well done for yourself and show it to others. It may not be appealing to many, but it will load you're brain, and you'll make friends in the field you're targeting. It's true when they say it's not what you know, it's who you know, but you also need to know what you're doing.

Even under hard times.

Work + Education + Search = Success

Don't wait for anything. Live for Today, everyday. For everyday you skip you're putting yourself behind 10 days.

P.S. Is selling the Guitars really worth the time you'll get out of it ?

 

[Shyrra]

i dont think using this as a story for my kids would help lol, my dad did the same thing and i never listened to him either, and only now do i see what he meant.

Then you better find a way to make sure your kids don't drop out.

 

[Blackmagik]

Well, Mcdonalds is ALWAYS hiring, and im pretty sure you can get a job