I'm going to do my best at this....normally I'd charge $90 an hour..hehe..
Okay, yeah, I prefer the flirtatious Jezibel gig, but I was a family therpist for 4 years (erm, MSW) before I started working as a school social worker which sort of morphed into special education consultant/reading specialist and started working on my Ed. Admin. degree and....okay - I'll post my resume later..
Anyway, Pepsii, the thing you need to remmeber is this - personality disorders can seriously alter your perceptions of what's going on around you and of your own and others behavior. I'm not meaning a distortion of reality as in some sort of hallucination but these types of things are characterized by "cognitive distortions." In other words, faulty thinking patterns. I hesitate to post that, simply because I really hope people don't use that against you..my purpose for talking about this is to refocus your insight and maybe to give you a different perspective.
First, I'd suggest writing your posts out in word, and reading them a couple of times before you cut and paste them into a post. The reason for this is that when you're in the middle of active symptoms, for example a manic stage (which, btw, does not mean "super happy" like many think, just pm me or something if you're really curious about what a manic phase actually looks like). So in such a state, it's crucial that you take extra time to examine your own thoughts - mind you, I'm not diagnosing over a board, I'm just using mania as an example.
Please Pepsii, don't take this the wrong way. Many of us understand that your self-proclamations are a result of how emotional your feeling. A common coping mechanism is to build up your strengths to others, in hopes that you'll actually believe you have one or two. Just realize that to others it can look....less than impressive. Pep, I completely support anyone who is trying to improve the quality of their life, and it sounds like you've come a long way. For that I congratulate you.
Just please be careful. I don't want to see you self-disclose so much that you back yourself into a corner you can't get out of and ruin what it seems was a not-too-shabby reputation in a game that is, I hope, a healthy escape for you.
My interpretations could be completely off...and while I fully support your attempts to get help, I have to say - it really irritates me when doctors label people with multiple diagnoses. I'm guessing you're bounced from doctor to doctor, which is partly why this has happened. I have other thoughts on this, but I really don't think it's wise to start internet therapy
One more thing...to play devil's advocate to the rest of you..yes, tis true - once someone has the tools and supports to "heal" they have little excuse for staying sick. However, let's say you have a horrible migraine. You pop 800 mg of Ibuprofin, grab an ice pack, lay in the dark room..drink a couple of cups of tea. No impact. So you pop an Imitrex..lie down..damn..still there. Call in sick for work. Call and whine to a couple of friends. Wait 2 hours. Now you decide to call the doctor for a shot of something because the stuipid headache will not go away. You put on your darkest sunglasses...walk out into the blinding light (even though all you want to do is hide in the dark with the tv on and the brightness level set to somewhere near 0) and drive yourself to the doctor. Everytime you stand up you think you're brain just fell out of your head onto the floor, you had no desire to take a shower so your still in your sweats and feel just NASTY. You walk in to the waiting room and notice a pharmaceutical rep dressed in Armani sitting there just in time to look down and notice there's a nasty tea stain in a very noticible, and embarrasing spot. You wrap your coat around, and head for your waiting room chair, head pounding, nauseous....but you have responsibilities. You know you need to get better...
Doc runs a couple of tests...an hour later in the hot, bright examining room..you and your tea stain are told, "Yup, you have a migraine." Well NO SHIT. You get the shot of whatever and head home.
Fuck, it didn't work.
Okay - so you cope the best you can with imitrex and ibuprofin and caffeine and even some herbal thing your best friend brings over. You avoid chocolate and cheese and take care of stuff even though you know you're barely functioning. It's not gone the next day, but you go to work anyway. People comment on you looking like crap, you struggle to focus, your irritable...but you've done almost everything you can right?
The episode ends and FINALLY you feel like yourself again. Point is, when you have something screwy with your biology, sometimes all the help in the world just doesn't work when and how it's supposed to.
This thing about people only doing things for attention. Duh..if someone is doing things for THAT kind of attention (hospitalization, medication, therapy, loss of family trust, loss of friends, loss of job, etc) don't you think that maybe something isn't quite right with that person? I don't mean to say that people shouldn't be held accountable.
The point I'm trying to make is just this...you don't need to approve of others behavior, or even accept it. But please, try to at least understand a little more about the kind of people many of you are so quick to label "attention whores" or "selfish." You betcha..such behavior is deplorable, and who in their right mind would condone suicide? Just please, please, please understand that 99% of cases are much more multi-faceted than simply a cry for attention.
.I never added anyone to blist cuz its funny what kinda stuff ppl say sometimes hehe.Nothn better than fishing in quifm with a taru lol.
