And the hits just keep on comming...

[Tok]

a while back me and my girlfriend (fiance at the time) had a fight, to the point where we almost broke up, we survived and for a time i thought things where gonna get better...i think i was wrong

its gotten to the point where she's ignoring me now and commenting on other guys right in front of me...when before i would say another woman was kinda cute jokingly and she would say she would never think anyone was cuter then me stupid i know but something changed obviously for that to happen, shes changed in the way she talks to me, like we arent a couple but just friends...i dont know what im gonna do call me emo whatever but im in love with this girl...and it kills me to think that she doesnt feel the same for me anymore

 

[Elemmire]

tried talking to her about it? calmly and face to face? Then again, that might not work.. hehe.. my ex did that >< stupid person.. just stopped being the same, changed so stupidly without explanation and then just kinda ended :| I hope it ends better for you.. my best guess is to calmly and rationally talk about everything with the person. If they break up, their loss as they prolly are far more immature and whatnot anyways..

 

[Tok]

tried talking to her about it? calmly and face to face? Then again, that might not work.. hehe.. my ex did that >< stupid person.. just stopped being the same, changed so stupidly without explanation and then just kinda ended :| I hope it ends better for you.. my best guess is to calmly and rationally talk about everything with the person. If they break up, their loss as they prolly are far more immature and whatnot anyways..

yea thats what seems to be happening here, just changing for no reason and i dont understand why

honestly after the first time this happend i've become a little detached from it just for the sake of not getting hurt again. as selfish as it sounds it will be her loss, she'll realize what she had in me and by that time itll be too late

i guess i just want her to be more open with her feelings about all this

 

[Ruffyreborn]

My heart goes out to you

Not helpful, I know... But still

 

[Tristam Green]

I'm pulling for you Tok.

tbh I'm pulling for the both of you; it's never an easy situation.

 

[Rappa]

If you can't openly communicate with your partner in a relationship, then you don't have one. You should be able to talk about anything and everything, especially things that upset one or the other of you. Keeping secrets, avoiding problems, etc just mean that things aren't going to work out.

 

[Dannica]

Well what was the really bad fight about? She might be acting different from something said in that fight that you almost broke up over. Women think totally different from a guy. I know i hold stuff ppl say to me personal for a very long time and it does change the way you feel towards that person. So maybe you need to stop and think about what was all said in the fight. Only thing you can do though is talk to her and see if she will open up and tell you why she has changed towards you. I wish you both the best of luck.

 

[Elemmire]

If you can't openly communicate with your partner in a relationship, then you don't have one. You should be able to talk about anything and everything, especially things that upset one or the other of you. Keeping secrets, avoiding problems, etc just mean that things aren't going to work out.

why can't more people be mature and realize this and practice this? D:

 

[Nycon]

If you can't openly communicate with your partner in a relationship, then you don't have one. You should be able to talk about anything and everything, especially things that upset one or the other of you. Keeping secrets, avoiding problems, etc just mean that things aren't going to work out.

Win's thread.

 

[Oracle]

Don't put so much thought into it and compromise... the end.

 

[Antor]

A simple course in Psychology would show yous that two people in a relationship often times wear a mask of sorts, so sometimes one of 'em is gonna be doing something that they thought the other one wanted when in reality they kinda don't want some of that stuffs. It's not really about maturity more so than human nature.

 

[Morwen]

why can't more people be mature and realize this and practice this? D:

Because... christ I don't know why either. -_-;;

 

[exodusamphi]

Good luck, its good in a relationship to practice open communication. I dont know about most of you, but when I put myself in a relationship im there for something meaningful and hopefully long lasting, so by telling and trying to get your partner to tell you whats on your minds you give yourself something to work with and improve on.

 

[Tok]

If you can't openly communicate with your partner in a relationship, then you don't have one. You should be able to talk about anything and everything, especially things that upset one or the other of you. Keeping secrets, avoiding problems, etc just mean that things aren't going to work out.

yea, the past couple of days we've been talking it out and stuff, i dk where its goin but whatever happends i dont want to be on bad terms with her cause i am still in love with her

 

[Elemmire]

that'll make it even worse though :\ if you still love her and can't be with her.. if it ends, seriously, don't talk to each other for a month or more. Wait until the feelings subside.

 

[Raesylil]

why can't more people be mature and realize this and practice this? D:

It's not a matter of maturity. It's a matter of how much you actually see and understand that.
People think that everything is going to be all fun and roses when they first get into the relationship. Heck, I know I did. What they don't quite get is that relationships take time, they require communication, and they require trust.
There are two different people in 1 relationship, generally.
You can't read each others' minds, you usually don't know what the other is thinking most of the time. Hence, communication is a necessity.

Trust is something that is gained at first and needs to be maintained.
You think you know someone at first but you can be surprised later on.
Generally, I would give 1 year for a relationship to succeed.
1 year gives you somewhat of an idea what the person is like because they will have a higher comfort level with you and will show you their habits.

If there are any bumps along the way, and the relationship deminishes because of it, then the relationship was not meant to last.

 

[Tok]

that'll make it even worse though :\ if you still love her and can't be with her.. if it ends, seriously, don't talk to each other for a month or more. Wait until the feelings subside.

yea i know exactly what u mean, i cant see her as anything else but a lover, theres no way i can see her as a friend so if it ends im prolly not gonna be comfortable talking to her for quite some time

 

[Elemmire]

It's not a matter of maturity. It's a matter of how much you actually see and understand that.
People think that everything is going to be all fun and roses when they first get into the relationship. Heck, I know I did. What they don't quite get is that relationships take time, they require communication, and they require trust.
There are two different people in 1 relationship, generally.
You can't read each others' minds, you usually don't know what the other is thinking most of the time. Hence, communication is a necessity.

Trust is something that is gained at first and needs to be maintained.
You think you know someone at first but you can be surprised later on.
Generally, I would give 1 year for a relationship to succeed.
1 year gives you somewhat of an idea what the person is like because they will have a higher comfort level with you and will show you their habits.

If there are any bumps along the way, and the relationship deminishes because of it, then the relationship was not meant to last.

what you just said sounds a lot like being in the realm of maturity to me >.>

 

[Tok]

we just got done talking and i told her that i would need some time to collect myself and think about things and i need an outlet so here goes (wall of sad life story comming)

the only reason i really started talking to her is because she got involved with my one friend who is notorious for breaking girls hearts, i knew it was bound to happen and when it did i was kinda there to pick up the pieces. i dont wanna say that this is the reason we started dating but looking back it could be. but i doubt that a 10 month relationship can be all cause of a rebound.

after it happend we started to talk more and i saw something forming against my better judgement...i say that cause last time i dated someone younger then me (shes 17 and im 20) they've gotten bored so to speak. its been my experience that women change their mind...often...and not "i think ill have milk instead of orange juice with breakfast" its usually "i think im gonna be a completly different person from what i am now" im not bashing women at all cause i've known alot of guys that go through serious life changes within a short period of time too

my dilema was this...i knew that it could happen...i knew that i could and most likely where a phase, just an infatuation, and i constantly dwelled on it...so much so that it got us into fights because i wouldnt be open with what i was feeling cause i didnt wanna put the idea in her mind.

when all my fears and phobias about us came out everything changed. i saw everything that i feared happening...and the ironic thing was, when i expressed these things to my father he said to me "what you fear, will appear" as crazy as it sounds it came true...i spoke with my mom about it too (when im upset it's clearly obvious, even when im hiding it and my mom doesnt stop until i talk to her about it) and she told me that in the beginning the newness of the relationship is what keeps it together, after that fades it becomes work and i understand that now...she also said that the harder you try to hold onto something the more likely you are to lose it..."if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be" as corny as that sounds it holds alot of truth.

so now it comes to this, i told her that i was gonna take some time away from her, do some work with my father and maybe some work around the house...she seemed a little distressed but i need this time to get my head in order in case things do go under. she said that if we did break up she wouldnt wanna stop talking to me, i told her that i couldnt say the same...cause like elmmire said and i know from previous experience its way too hard to talk to someone after a breakup, she said it didnt make sense to her why i would still care about her yet refuse to talk to her. thats saying something

looking back, i know that what i felt and still feel love for her. for her i tend to wanna think it was infatuation cause i honestly dont see how you can love someone and then suddenly everything changes where you dont love them anymore

whatever happends is going to be for the best even if what happends isnt what i want and i know that i can find someone out there that can make me as happy if not happier then she made me, and in hinesight i've talked to people with far worse relationship problems then me and they've been with each other for like 3-5 years, if things go under that easily after 10 months then it truly wasnt meant to last...just teach me that worrying about what might or might not happen is a useless waste of time and it kills my self confidence and in the end thats the most important thing a man can have

 

[Elemmire]

Hehe... I refuse to date or really deal with anyone under the age of around 22-23 or so. Too few don't really mature until the end or after college really anyways. Something I noticed from my ex and I who were both younger and whatnot and both immature and now new love interest who is well.. older than me ~_~ and so much more mature.

As for your thingy, ya, I'm guessing that she's far too immature. I know there's the whole "women mature earlier than men" but I don't see that as a truth when it comes to my friends (both male and female). Both seem to be at about equal maturity (or immaturity really..) and don't seem to understand how to grow, hehe... if she can't understand, perhaps you should enlighten her that it'd be too cruel to ask someone to talk to them when they still feel strongly for them yet can't be with them.. that's a Hell unlike any other.. especially if they talk to you about a person they might be interested in or going out with people.. or even just learning they have a new boy/girlfriend.

I don't know the problem really, but for the most part I say it prolly would be for the best if there's such issues with a consistent personality (which is in part due to immaturity and trying to find their personality). She (and perhaps you, I don't know you too well ) could use some maturing.