I've been a hardcore Doom fan since the first came out; played the games, played the expansions, made the levels, played the DEHackEd's, read the books (which is actually the origin of my name), so on and so forth. I just f_cking love the series, and everything involved with it. Haven't stopped playing it since actually, we regularly have LAN games of Doom Legacy and undoubtedly will for years to come.
After I watched the movie, I damn near cried my emo self to sleep. That movie was absolute crap; it had nothing to do with Doom at all, undoubtedly because the director they chose was the same guy responsible for the Resident Evil movies.
1. Mutated scientists & UAC employees are the antagonists.
What the hell is this crap? I went to that movie with full expectations of seeing at least one demon. I mean, these games were made around this very simple storyline: scientists discover a dimensional portal on Mars, they activate it, demons come pouring out. Humans in the immediate vicinity are either instantly ripped into itty bits of goo, or have their souls devoured and become zombies.
Then the movie steps in. Nope, scientists are mucking around with some dumbass DNA hooplah. Experiment goes wrong, their test subject freaks out and starts infecting people. Domino effect begins, and now there's an entire complex full of them. Dubya tee eff, mate? No demons, no portals, none of that stuff.
2. The Rock is Doomguy.
Talk about a shitty choice. They could have picked a lot of people, Kurt Russell probably being the best choice, but they had to grab the biggest bag of meat they could find and hope he ropes in some extra ratings. However, considering their choice of director, I can understand why these choices were made - the person responsible for hiring actors was a crack-smoking braindead piece of havarti who eats wood chips and shits thumbtacks.
3. Oh my dear bloody lord, Pinky the scientist.
For those who didn't read the books, there were two main protagonists who would name all the demons they encountered. Clydes, steam demons, raspberries, etc. The little pink demon with the erotically oversized mouth in-game was called a 'pinky'. Unfortunately enough, the developers of the movie decided to include a scientist who's last name was Pinky. Big gold star to the first person who figures out what he mutated into in the movie.
4. Destroyer.
The Rock leads an elite S.W.A.T.-like team into the complex to save the precious little scientists. Of course with a clique of gun-toting cigar-smoking badasses, everyone has to have a cool nickname. The Matrix did a good job of picking these. Doom sucked gonads. What do they call the black dude with no hair, a single facial expression regardless of his mood, and the gatling gun? Destroyer. Think about that. If you were leading a team of asskickers, would you ever want to call your buddy Destroyer? Say it out loud before you answer that. Hey Destroyer, wanna grab a beer later?
I'm one of those fanboys that was pissed off when they announced what they were doing with the script for this movie. As an action film, it did satisfactory at best. Special effects were pretty stellar, especially the BFG. But as a Doom movie? They totally f_cked that up.
They should have called it something else, like Spayce Warzzz Xtreme. Not only would it be fitting, but there'd be a lot less disappointed Doomers like myself.
edit: yes this movie came out a long-ass time ago. I was over it until recently, but now my fire's burning again. MUST SMASH BARTKOWIAK
After I watched the movie, I damn near cried my emo self to sleep. That movie was absolute crap; it had nothing to do with Doom at all, undoubtedly because the director they chose was the same guy responsible for the Resident Evil movies.
1. Mutated scientists & UAC employees are the antagonists.
What the hell is this crap? I went to that movie with full expectations of seeing at least one demon. I mean, these games were made around this very simple storyline: scientists discover a dimensional portal on Mars, they activate it, demons come pouring out. Humans in the immediate vicinity are either instantly ripped into itty bits of goo, or have their souls devoured and become zombies.
Then the movie steps in. Nope, scientists are mucking around with some dumbass DNA hooplah. Experiment goes wrong, their test subject freaks out and starts infecting people. Domino effect begins, and now there's an entire complex full of them. Dubya tee eff, mate? No demons, no portals, none of that stuff.
2. The Rock is Doomguy.
Talk about a shitty choice. They could have picked a lot of people, Kurt Russell probably being the best choice, but they had to grab the biggest bag of meat they could find and hope he ropes in some extra ratings. However, considering their choice of director, I can understand why these choices were made - the person responsible for hiring actors was a crack-smoking braindead piece of havarti who eats wood chips and shits thumbtacks.
3. Oh my dear bloody lord, Pinky the scientist.
For those who didn't read the books, there were two main protagonists who would name all the demons they encountered. Clydes, steam demons, raspberries, etc. The little pink demon with the erotically oversized mouth in-game was called a 'pinky'. Unfortunately enough, the developers of the movie decided to include a scientist who's last name was Pinky. Big gold star to the first person who figures out what he mutated into in the movie.
4. Destroyer.
The Rock leads an elite S.W.A.T.-like team into the complex to save the precious little scientists. Of course with a clique of gun-toting cigar-smoking badasses, everyone has to have a cool nickname. The Matrix did a good job of picking these. Doom sucked gonads. What do they call the black dude with no hair, a single facial expression regardless of his mood, and the gatling gun? Destroyer. Think about that. If you were leading a team of asskickers, would you ever want to call your buddy Destroyer? Say it out loud before you answer that. Hey Destroyer, wanna grab a beer later?
I'm one of those fanboys that was pissed off when they announced what they were doing with the script for this movie. As an action film, it did satisfactory at best. Special effects were pretty stellar, especially the BFG. But as a Doom movie? They totally f_cked that up.
They should have called it something else, like Spayce Warzzz Xtreme. Not only would it be fitting, but there'd be a lot less disappointed Doomers like myself.
edit: yes this movie came out a long-ass time ago. I was over it until recently, but now my fire's burning again. MUST SMASH BARTKOWIAK
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Doom is a running joke in my store, well, since I work in a video game store it's to be expected lol. We get the DVD traded in a lot and when it comes in I always exclaim:
;;; @ The Rock dropping F-bombs
