F my life

Genkaku

Genkaku

Pushups make you smarter
Adventurer
Joined
Apr 1, 2005
Messages
724
Age
41
Location
Bramalea, Ontario
Nation Banner
Bastok
Main Job
Thief-Male
Secondary Job
Paladin-Male
Third Job
Beastmaster-Male
"Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML"
 
Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

Word lololol
 
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was about 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on some homework. I took my headphones off for a second to adjust them. While they were off I heard some grunting and looked over at the man across from me. He was masturbating. FML

I take the Skytrain/Subway to work, this is my worst nightmare.

Even funnier...

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

Serves you right moron.
 
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Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML


lol
 
 
Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

Owned.
 
This site is so funny lol.

Today, I accidently walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her "Need a hand with that?", to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it". FML
 
Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

Full of win right there
 
Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

lol..
 
Lestat said:
Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

lol..
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yikes.. not so coolbeans

I like this one..

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML
 
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Ok some of these are obviously fake;

Today, I woke up in the hospital after trying to kill myself. When my mom walked in to see me, the first thing she said was, "well, I guess this is just another thing that you fail at." The nurse laughed. FML
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Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML
 
He's so going to hate me, but this one reminds me of Genk...

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML
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:/
 
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