Friday Joke of the Day

Tenkax

Tenkax

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It's my Daughter's 18th Birthday:

I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment.
Month after month, year after year, those payments!

So, I called my baby girl, Roxanna, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face."

So my baby girl took the check over to her.

I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like.

As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to say?"

"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy, and to watch the expression on your face.
 
The Friday joke of the day this week is.................



There are 3 types of people in the world....






those who can count, and those who can't.
 
eh i feel like posting one too ^^


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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."

The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

"Terribly, doctor, terribly."

"Did it not work?"

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
 
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.
Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.

"Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!! You went bowling again!!"
 
What's more fun than nailing a Tarutaru to a tree?


Getting it off with a shovel afterwards.

How do you make a Tarutaru shake?

One quart milk, one scoop ice cream, one scoop Tarutaru.
 
hmmm....I think that previous joke wasn't too good now that I examine it some more.
I apologize if I offended any farmers.
Oh yeah, suicide is NOT the answer....please, never resort to this. There are many recources available to you which are easily accessable.
 
IT's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

So, A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?"

The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a Few joints.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a tree with A monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint.

The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!"

The monkey looks down and says,"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck........How much water Did you drink?!"
 
Ok there was this lady and she had a garden in her backyard. Well she noticed that her vegetables were always rather dull. She also noticed that her neighbor had a very impressive tomato garden in his back yard. So finally she gets fed up and asks her neighbor how he does it. He walks over and very quietly tells her. "Every night, I flash my garden". She is very shocked and thinks she must have misheard.

"You flash your garden?"
"Yes flash it. Once a day. Give it a shot" he replies

So she heads back inside and follows his advice. She flashes her garden everyday. Later, her neighbor calls her over and asks her how things were going.

Looking rather confused she replies "Well my tomatoes havent looked any different. But the Cucumbers are HUGE!"
 
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