Funny Limericks

[Excalibur]

You guys know any? I'm kind of a collector myself. I love watching the look on people's faces when you tell them something disgusting or funny. In case you don't exactly know what a "limerick" is.
I'll start, these are all the ones I know:

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin
as he wiped cum from his chin,
"If my ear was a c*nt I would fuck it!"

There once was a man from Belair,
Who was fucking his wife on the stair,
The banister broke
as he tripled his stroke
and finished her off in midair

There once was a man named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave,
He said "What the hell
I can live with the smell,
Just think of the money I'll save!"

There once was a vampire named Mabel,
Whose period was quite unstable,
Every day at noon
she'd whip out a spoon
and drink herself under the table

And my personal favorite...
(by the way, you have to pronounce it a-rock, not i-rack, or it doesn't work)

There once was a man from Iraq,
Who had holes up the length of his cock,
Every time he got an erection
he'd play a selection
from Johann Sebastian Bach

...lmao, no matter how many times I hear that one I always lol pretty hard when I say it XD I have a feeling there's one more I know, but I can't remember it right now, I'll post it later if I do. Now get to posting some good funny ones I can steal bitchez.

 

[Malagra]

I've heard of another version of the dead whore in a cave.

There once was a man named Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
She was ugly as shit
And missing one tit
But think of all the money he'd save.

And now, some others.

There once was a lass named Wainwright
Who enjoyed the position a dog might
Over her shoulder she found
When she looked around
A whole new meaning for hindsight

There once was a man named McSweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be uncouth
He added vermouth
And slipped his chick a martini

 

[Zephayra]

lol these are classic, I love them.

 

[Excalibur]

Found another one, from Shoot 'Em Up.

There once was a woman who was quite begat
She had three babies named Tat, Pat, and Nat
She said it was fun in the breeding,
but found it was hell in the feeding
when she saw there was no tit for Tat.

 

[Morcheeba]

There once was a vampire named Mabel,
Whose period was quite unstable,
Every day at noon
she'd whip out a spoon
and drink herself under the table

Le GASP!!

 

[Tim Wakefield]

There once was a man from Belair,
Who was fucking his wife on the stair,
The banister broke
as he tripled his stroke
and finished her off in midair

This one made me lol.

 

[Malagra]

lol Read this on bash just now...

A programmer started to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As he lay there in bed
Looping 'round in his head
Was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;