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SCI-FI GEEK ON GEEK VIOLENCE OUT OF CONTROL
Star Trek fans in bloody battle with Star Wars fans
Hollywood – With less than a week before the highly-anticipated opening of “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith,” the violence between Star Wars and Star Trek geeks has escalated, leaving at least 24 dweebs dead from both sides in the last several weeks. The violence flared as the last two episodes of “Star Trek: Enterprise” were shown back-to-back Friday night.
The end of “Enterprise” marks the first time since 1987 there has been no active “Star Trek” series. With Star Trek geeks mourning and Star Wars geeks celebrating, the tensions quickly boiled over.
“I was at Wal-Mart buying my Darth Vader voice changer helmet,” said 36 year old geek Jeff Larson. “You can strike fear throughout the galaxy by changing your voice to sound like Lord Vader’s. It’s really cool when you put the helmet on and your voice changes. I was walking to my car in the parking lot when the trouble started.”
Larson said as he approached his 1989 Toyota Tercel, a gang of Star Trek geeks approached him.
“It was really frightening,” said Larson. “I didn’t know what to do so I gave them a ‘live long and prosper’ sign. That’s when they beat me with my newly purchased Darth Vader voice changer helmet. They then stuck the helmet on my head and duct-taped it to make sure it didn’t come off. I then called 911, but they thought I was fooling around because my voice was now like Darth Vader’s. Wal-Mart security finally came to my rescue. They called paramedics a good ten minutes after they stopped laughing.”
Leaders in the sci-fi geek community are being called upon to ask their Star Trek and Star Wars followers to have restraint during this tumultuous time.
“Hey, they brought this upon themselves,” said 36 year old Star Trek geek Martin Halpron. “They’re purposely gloating that everyone’s celebrating Star Wars and no one’s talking about Star Trek. If it wasn’t for Star Wars, the finale of ‘Enterprise’ would have been such a huge deal, but [Director George] Lucas intentionally set the release date to infuriate us. Well, he has a war on his hands.”
Most of the victims have been Star Wars fans who have been cut down after shopping trips to purchase Star Wars toys and memorabilia or while waiting in line at theaters for the movie’s premiere. Four Star Wars fans were attacked in Westwood when they were lured away from the movie line Friday night.
“Apparently, the four Star Wars geeks were persuaded to leave the line and follow a woman dressed like Princess Leia into a dark alley behind the theater,” said Westwood Police Captain William Mead. “Once they got there, they realized it was a setup. The geeks were forced to strip from their respective Wookie and Obi-Wan Kenobi costumes and were sexually violated with lightsabers.”
“As a sci-fi geek, I find it appalling and very sad,” said Los Angeles City Councilman Alex Santos. “What is imperative is for us as a community to think seriously about addressing the issues. We need to tackle the sub-culture. Why would sci-fi geeks who have so much in common go about openly taking each other’s lives? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
It hasn’t taken long for Star Wars geeks to retaliate. A group of Star Trek geeks were attacked while watching the “Enterprise” for the 14-th time on Sunday night.
“We were inside my studio apartment, coping with our devastating loss,” said Star Trek geek Stuart Allen. “ Suddenly a Molotov cocktail came flying through the window. I looked out the window and saw a bunch of Stormtroopers scurrying away.”
Allen’s apartment caught on fire and he was severely burned, losing his vision in the process.
“I’ll never be able to see again,” said Allen. “But I’ll finally be able to always wear my commemorative ‘Lt. Geordi La Forge’ glasses I bought on e-Bay. I guess it was meant to be.”
Star Trek fans in bloody battle with Star Wars fans
Hollywood – With less than a week before the highly-anticipated opening of “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith,” the violence between Star Wars and Star Trek geeks has escalated, leaving at least 24 dweebs dead from both sides in the last several weeks. The violence flared as the last two episodes of “Star Trek: Enterprise” were shown back-to-back Friday night.
The end of “Enterprise” marks the first time since 1987 there has been no active “Star Trek” series. With Star Trek geeks mourning and Star Wars geeks celebrating, the tensions quickly boiled over.
“I was at Wal-Mart buying my Darth Vader voice changer helmet,” said 36 year old geek Jeff Larson. “You can strike fear throughout the galaxy by changing your voice to sound like Lord Vader’s. It’s really cool when you put the helmet on and your voice changes. I was walking to my car in the parking lot when the trouble started.”
Larson said as he approached his 1989 Toyota Tercel, a gang of Star Trek geeks approached him.
“It was really frightening,” said Larson. “I didn’t know what to do so I gave them a ‘live long and prosper’ sign. That’s when they beat me with my newly purchased Darth Vader voice changer helmet. They then stuck the helmet on my head and duct-taped it to make sure it didn’t come off. I then called 911, but they thought I was fooling around because my voice was now like Darth Vader’s. Wal-Mart security finally came to my rescue. They called paramedics a good ten minutes after they stopped laughing.”
Leaders in the sci-fi geek community are being called upon to ask their Star Trek and Star Wars followers to have restraint during this tumultuous time.
“Hey, they brought this upon themselves,” said 36 year old Star Trek geek Martin Halpron. “They’re purposely gloating that everyone’s celebrating Star Wars and no one’s talking about Star Trek. If it wasn’t for Star Wars, the finale of ‘Enterprise’ would have been such a huge deal, but [Director George] Lucas intentionally set the release date to infuriate us. Well, he has a war on his hands.”
Most of the victims have been Star Wars fans who have been cut down after shopping trips to purchase Star Wars toys and memorabilia or while waiting in line at theaters for the movie’s premiere. Four Star Wars fans were attacked in Westwood when they were lured away from the movie line Friday night.
“Apparently, the four Star Wars geeks were persuaded to leave the line and follow a woman dressed like Princess Leia into a dark alley behind the theater,” said Westwood Police Captain William Mead. “Once they got there, they realized it was a setup. The geeks were forced to strip from their respective Wookie and Obi-Wan Kenobi costumes and were sexually violated with lightsabers.”
“As a sci-fi geek, I find it appalling and very sad,” said Los Angeles City Councilman Alex Santos. “What is imperative is for us as a community to think seriously about addressing the issues. We need to tackle the sub-culture. Why would sci-fi geeks who have so much in common go about openly taking each other’s lives? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
It hasn’t taken long for Star Wars geeks to retaliate. A group of Star Trek geeks were attacked while watching the “Enterprise” for the 14-th time on Sunday night.
“We were inside my studio apartment, coping with our devastating loss,” said Star Trek geek Stuart Allen. “ Suddenly a Molotov cocktail came flying through the window. I looked out the window and saw a bunch of Stormtroopers scurrying away.”
Allen’s apartment caught on fire and he was severely burned, losing his vision in the process.
“I’ll never be able to see again,” said Allen. “But I’ll finally be able to always wear my commemorative ‘Lt. Geordi La Forge’ glasses I bought on e-Bay. I guess it was meant to be.”
Violated by a lightsaber doesnt sound too nice :shock:
