Love-Life Bitches, Gripes, and Complaints

[Celvantes]

I've been going through some tough times recently in terms of relationships, and I figured this board could use a place to vent on this topic.

Let's see to start off...


How is it that one person in a relationship can completely lose interest after it was going exceptionally well? I can understand after one or two dates when one person is totally smitten and the other one is turned off, but I don't get it when two people are completely in love with each other and then after months, one just loses all feelings for the other (and yet the other is still completely in love with them).


Anyway, love hurts, and it sure as hell isn't fair. This is a place to share your bitches, gripes, and complaints.

 

[Tagrineth]

A lot of people can't tell the difference between infatuation and love. The L word gets thrown around far, far too easily.

 

[Alberic]

I agree with Tagrineth, love is something that develops after knowing the person for a long time and getting to experience many things with them, it doesn't tend to just blossom overnight.

One or two months might seem like a long time but really it's not. Sometimes even one or two years isn't enough.

My guess is either that she was never as interested as she acted, or wishful thinking masked the "she's just not that into you" factor....

 

[Dani]

After just a few months maybe there wasn't enough there for her to feel a need to stick around. She may have liked you but if she didn't feel there was a real future or "something" there. She could have felt it was easier to cut bait and move on now instead of later. Maybe there was something she didn't like and seeing as how it was only a few months in she decided it wasn't worth it to see if things were going to change or get better.

So early in a relationship I don't think it's really fair to get too upset over a relationships demise. You're still feeling each other out. Sure it sucks and can hurt but anything less than a year I wouldn't personally say it had reached long-term relationship status yet and therefore isn't the end of the proverbial world.

 

[Ecks]

<_<; Some of us aren't fortunate enough to have yet had a relationship last for a year or longer. Personally, after the first 3 months is when things tend to go south. Either I have lost interest or they have. And yeah Celv.. it really sucks when it's the other that loses interest even though you still have feelings for them.

It'll be alright bro.

 

[Celvantes]

Thank you, folks, I appreciate it.

A friend of mine recommended a book to me a long time ago by a guy named David DeAngelo. I picked it up recently and now I wish I had read it back then. Within the first few pages I instantly saw exactly what I was doing wrong in terms of maintaining a relationship.

I think a lot of my problem is that I am *way* too old fashioned. My folks are a few years older than most and I was raised in a way that was very similar to how my Dad was raised in the 50s. Combine that at home with growing up in the very effeminate 90s and the result is... this guy:

South Park fans will know what I'm talking about.

The bottom line is, chivalry is dead, and bending over backwards for someone 100% of the time only causes you to lose their respect. No woman is going to want to be with someone they think they can walk all over. I thought I was being nice, but what I was being was, well, exactly what Saddam calls Chris in South Park.

It's time for a change... the question is how to go about it.



So anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one with relationship problems/issues around here. Thanks for the support, but feel free to bring up other things as well.

 

[Morcheeba]

A friends FB status not too long ago was, 'We long for what we desire, but if we have all we desire what is left to long for?'

I think that can be applied to what you said.

 

[Keryan]

I have been with my guy for about 13 years. If you want a test of a relatiionship do a multistate drive. Being a girl I like it when guys open the door etc for me. Yet I also like to feel capable. It may not be so much as you have to change as it is seeing where the line is between doing everything and enabling someone to feel useful and wanted.

 

[Zyndara]

It sounds funny but one of my favorite quotes about relationships is from Pulp Fiction when Mia says to Vincent: "That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence." I think it's all about finding someone who you are totally comfortable with - someone who knows you, genuinely cares about your well-being, and always meets you halfway. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that it's all about balance. Compromise, yes. But compromise is two-sided. If you're always the one giving of yourself, soon there's nothing left of you. Respect and know you first. And expect that the person you're with does the same.

 

[Alberic]

I personally think most of those books are BS >.> and this is as someone who's read their share of relationship books.

I think just being yourself and finding someone that likes that is enough. If you're old-fashioned, be old-fashioned--why should you change in an attempt to lure a girl in? Then you're not really being you, you're just performing.

 

[Tristam Green]

why should you change in an attempt to lure a girl in? Then you're not really being you, you're just performing.

If you change yourself temporarily (or halfheartedly) just to get the attention or affections of a girl, she will catch on. Then, she will be able to make you change as often as she wants, rather than accepting you for who you are, rather than "I can make him what I want him to be".

 

[Chasym]

Thank you, folks, I appreciate it.

A friend of mine recommended a book to me a long time ago by a guy named David DeAngelo. I picked it up recently and now I wish I had read it back then. Within the first few pages I instantly saw exactly what I was doing wrong in terms of maintaining a relationship.

I think a lot of my problem is that I am *way* too old fashioned. My folks are a few years older than most and I was raised in a way that was very similar to how my Dad was raised in the 50s. Combine that at home with growing up in the very effeminate 90s and the result is... this guy:

South Park fans will know what I'm talking about.

The bottom line is, chivalry is dead, and bending over backwards for someone 100% of the time only causes you to lose their respect. No woman is going to want to be with someone they think they can walk all over. I thought I was being nice, but what I was being was, well, exactly what Saddam calls Chris in South Park.

It's time for a change... the question is how to go about it.



So anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one with relationship problems/issues around here. Thanks for the support, but feel free to bring up other things as well.

sounds like we are the same guy then haha. Im really old fashioned and far too nice, and in the end i always lose the girl to some "too cool for school" asshole who eventually cheats on her while she just goes running back to him time after time, lie after lie. Its gettin old.

 

[Mirewen]

Hearing "chivalry is dead" makes me sad I love when a man opens/holds a door for me. Totally weirded me out when my boyfriend did it when we first started dating because I wasn't used to it but I think it's a fantastic trait to have.

Don't change who you are just to keep a girl, find one that appreciates you for who you are.

 

[Cletus]

If you think the main reason you can't get a girl is that you're too nice, then you're sadly mistaken. A girl saying you're "too nice" is just an easy way out for them. It's like guys saying a girl is "too sweet" or she's "too much like a sister". The chick doesn't dig you, that's that. Plenty of fish in the sea.....yadda yadda yadda. But, I recommend trying out being the bad guy sometime. Call up girls for booty calls, schedule dates and don't show up, it'll get you a lot of short term happiness Just don't plan on meeting your wife that way.

 

[Dani]

Hearing "chivalry is dead" makes me sad I love when a man opens/holds a door for me. Totally weirded me out when my boyfriend did it when we first started dating because I wasn't used to it but I think it's a fantastic trait to have.

Don't change who you are just to keep a girl, find one that appreciates you for who you are.

I think the chivarly thing goes both ways. Not sure what the female term would be, let's just say acting "lady like". The opening of the door is the perfect example. Anyone who has seen "a Bronx tale" knows about the door test. That simple gesture of opening the door, on both ends, says a lot about a persons character.

 

[Tristam Green]

Nothing screams "bitch" more than having some feminazi rage on you for opening the door for her though. It kinda leaves a stale taste in your mouth if you're a nice guy

 

[Lucki]

Nothing screams "bitch" more than having some feminazi rage on you for opening the door for her though. It kinda leaves a stale taste in your mouth if you're a nice guy

That's when you would continue on towards dinner, order, make small talk, eat, then leave her there with the bill.

 

[Tristam Green]

That's when you would continue on towards dinner, order, make small talk, eat, then leave her there with the bill.

I wasn't speaking about someone I would be trying to court - I was speaking generally. I hold doors open for random strangers all the time.

 

[Mirewen]

It's called being polite really, would you really want to be with someone who has a freak out if you try to be polite or do something nice for them? Regardless of sex, I think what is really lost is politeness.

 

[Hexx]

Look up a guy named Neil Strauss, wrote some pretty good books about man. What he does doesn't apply in all cases, but it did help make me a better person when it came to the opposite sex.

I really was in your shoes as well, only to get the "we're friends" excuse and such, or the "its too good to be true" excuse as well. Be yourself, but also know that not all women are for your type of personality, and being TOO much of a gentleman can get you in trouble >.>;. Tristam put it best, if you change for a woman (and trust me she will notice) they will lose respect for you in the same way.