Mass Effect... Hardcore Pornography Simulator

Halifirien

Halifirien

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Halifirien
You guys have got to check out this TownHall.com idiot's column about Mass Effect:

Just the intro alone tells you the schmuck never played the game:

I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.

It's called "Mass Effect" and it allows its players - universally male no doubt - to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.

The objections to such filth should be simple to understand.

Starting with the disgusting idea that one can "create" their own versions of what people look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing - shall we say - the extended features of the game's characters tends to objectify women, sex, and human relationships. Right? We can all agree on this?
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He's getting beaten pretty hard in the comments. I haven't laughed this hard in ages, although laughs are usually what I expect when I surf over to TownHall.
 
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Wow I must have gotten the wrong copy of Mass Effect.... either that or I need to smoke what this guys smokin
 
Wait i can make there boobs bigger? HOW!?
 
HARDCORE SEX? ALL I GOT WAS A BIT OF BLUE ASS!

Damn. I missed out.
 
And the game is rated M, so who cares if it was the way the guy describes it?

Oh wait, the parents who have children but don't want to put up with the responsibility of having children. Right. Right.
 
Opposite way for me. This game actually made me bored in a strip club! Trying to get some weird alien general to forget about some prostitute that didn't like him. What the hell is wrong with Bioware, lol!
 
Firestreak said:
Opposite way for me. This game actually made me bored in a strip club! Trying to get some weird alien general to forget about some prostitute that didn't like him. What the hell is wrong with Bioware, lol!
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The only "trying" involved in non-combat routines in Mass Effect should simply be going to where you need to go. If you honestly had trouble with it, paired with the issues you had with Twilight Princess, perhaps you should give up gaming. It's not looking to be your thing.
 
The guy wrote a follow-up column which only added fuel to the fire by insulting gamers and refusing to admit he made a mistake. He must've taken the Bush Doctrine to heart.
 
Firestreak said:
I didn't say I had trouble with it, I said it was fucking boring. Dumbass. Maybe you should give up posting on the internet.
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And if it was boring, you were spending way too much time on it. The whole General/Consort ordeal takes maybe 4 minutes to do, unless you never went to the club before hand. And thats without skipping dialogue.
 
I didn't say it took forever, I said it was boring. I can be bored with a 4 minute dialogue about some general getting over some hooker. I found the observation relevant in the context of the discussion of Mass Effect being supposedly erotic or something of the sort.

And back to the Twilight Princess thing, since you brought it up, shut the fuck up. I solve video game puzzles based on them having logical conclusions based on hints dropped from the plot or environment, not running around rooftops looking for random clues, which is why in a well made game I breeze through while idiots like you run around brute-force hacking every puzzle. I'm a problem solver, which is why I enjoy puzzle games like Gripshift, Portal, Puzzle Quest, ext. The stuff that bores me is the bullshit that requires simply knowing the answer or running around until it appears to you. The fact that I've played hundreds of games over 18 years and can point out getting stuck by a poorly designed puzzle as bad on the game's part just shows one thing, it's something that bothers me because it doesn't happen often. You've probably long stopped caring about some badly made puzzles because the second anything requires you to use your brain, you run screaming to gamefaqs, then hide your shame by jumping on me for mentioning woefully that I got stuck in a game and had to look up the answer back in 2006. Dipshit.
 
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Firestreak said:
I didn't say it took forever, I said it was boring. I can be bored with a 4 minute dialogue about some general getting over some hooker. I found the observation relevant in the context of the discussion of Mass Effect being supposedly erotic or something of the sort.

And back to the Twilight Princess thing, since you brought it up, shut the fuck up. I solve video game puzzles based on them having logical conclusions based on hints dropped from the plot or environment, not running around rooftops looking for random clues, which is why in a well made game I breeze through while idiots like you run around brute-force hacking every puzzle. I'm a problem solver, which is why I enjoy puzzle games like Gripshift, Portal, Puzzle Quest, ext. The stuff that bores me is the bullshit that requires simply knowing the answer or running around until it appears to you. The fact that I've played hundreds of games over 18 years and can point out getting stuck by a poorly designed puzzle as bad on the game's part just shows one thing, it's something that bothers me because it doesn't happen often. You've probably long stopped caring about some badly made puzzles because the second anything requires you to use your brain, you run screaming to gamefaqs, then hide your shame by jumping on me for mentioning woefully that I got stuck in a game and had to look up the answer back in 2006. Dipshit.
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Yeah, it's obviously the only reason is the game was poorly designed, not that you personally failed at all when you're the only person to have been stumped on the training. :wacko:

It'd be easy to let go if you didn't keep portraying yourself as a genius who could solve a gordian knot and you just keep blaming the game for your failing.
 
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Firestreak said:
And back to the Twilight Princess thing, since you brought it up, shut the fuck up. I solve video game puzzles based on them having logical conclusions based on hints dropped from the plot or environment, not running around rooftops looking for random clues, which is why in a well made game I breeze through while idiots like you run around brute-force hacking every puzzle. I'm a problem solver, which is why I enjoy puzzle games like Gripshift, Portal, Puzzle Quest, ext. The stuff that bores me is the bullshit that requires simply knowing the answer or running around until it appears to you. The fact that I've played hundreds of games over 18 years and can point out getting stuck by a poorly designed puzzle as bad on the game's part just shows one thing, it's something that bothers me because it doesn't happen often. You've probably long stopped caring about some badly made puzzles because the second anything requires you to use your brain, you run screaming to gamefaqs, then hide your shame by jumping on me for mentioning woefully that I got stuck in a game and had to look up the answer back in 2006. Dipshit.
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Jesus Christ you're an idiot. All those SUPER GENIUS PUZZLE BRAIN POWER GAMES you tout, I've beaten as well. Aside from Puzzle Quest because I've been sidetracked with new purchases, and that Minotaur boss in the dwarven realm is cheap as shit(Massive high chance for bonus turns on damage.) I only use Gamefaqs for pointless collection stuff, like the flags for Assassin's Creed.

Portal is about as mind bending as untying a shoe, by the way. I honestly have no idea how anyone can consider any part of the game hard. Innovative and fun, hell yes. Difficult, far fucking from it. So if you honestly believe it to be a challenge, I pity you. I surely do. And it explains why you had issues with Twilight Princess. Personally, I gutted Portal apart in about 4 hours after it's release. No faqs can be found within that timeframe, and I don't claim to be an intellectual.
 
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If you think the Minotaur boss is cheap, wait till the last one...
 
Didn't get stumped at Portal, I said it was a "problem solving" game. Never specifically called any of them hard. Although Gripshift is hard. I think you're lying when you say you beat that.
 
Firestreak said:
Didn't get stumped at Portal, I said it was a "problem solving" game. Never specifically called any of them hard. Although Gripshift is hard. I think you're lying when you say you beat that.
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If only there was some way he could prove it to you. Like a system that keeps track of things you accomplish in a game.
 
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