My Past 2 Years...The Real Story

[Tok]

Wall of text incomming (this is more for me to get my thoughts out, read if you wish, feedback would be appriciated)

in 6 days i graduate from college...in those 2 short years i've made tons of friends, i went to a ton of concerts, i've fallen in love, had my heart broken, lost every friend i had, fallen back in love and then was gutted and left to bleed to death by practically everyone i knew.

before i started school i had about 5 months where i was on "break" i guess you could say...so naturally i had alot of time to spend with the people i called my friends. when i left for pittsburgh all everyone could say to me was "come home" or "we miss you" or "when you visit we're going to spend every waking moment together" and when i came home that pretty much happend, much to my parents dispair who would get aggrivated with me when i had friends over every day. after those 5 months i started school, and the hangout times dwindled just slightly, i still found time for my friends but not as much as before. during this time i found that the values and opinions of my friends started to differ from mine...they got into things that i didn't care to be around and i found myself making up excuses to not be around that. needless to say the hangout time dwindled even more. then about a year and three quarters ago i met my ex-girlfriend which to some of you needs no introduction

little backround on that.

:Sidebar: i was never really the type of guy to date every girl that came around, i find myself to be very selective in my choice of mates for a couple reasons, 1)i'm a big guy, i've come down in size alot but i'm still a big muscular (maybe even chubby) guy, when i was little i was faced with alot of discrimination and shallowness and in my dating life i'm finding much of the same. 2) i don't like skanky girls, they just aren't attractive to me. show me a girl who has an amazing personality and is warm and gentle and kind and i will fall head over heals for her over a super model any day.

:back on track: so when i met said ex-gf i fell...hard, and i pretty much devoted all time that i wasn't in school to her, visa-vi my hangout time was pretty much nil at this point. we had been going out for about 5 months or so and everything was amazing, she loved me and i loved her, my friends however were missing me, they tried to get me to spend some time with them but i couldn't bring myself to stay away from her for too long. it was summer at this point, and for some odd reason me and her where growing distant. we ended up breaking up for reasons i cannot recall but i pretty much went crawling back to my friends whom, where a bit hesitant and mighty pissed at me but for the most part shluffed it off. school started to get more involving and at this point i had a job and even though i wasn't with the ex my time for them kinda became the same as it was when we where together, at this point my one friend who was my best friend since before i graduated high school had verbally chewed me out spewin bullshit and slander when he really shouldn't have been saying shit in the first place (even longer story) and that's really when i stopped talking to all of them. after that i had gotten back with my ex (big mistake) and was then cheated on...

after all was said and done it was about march of this year, school was comming to an end and i was working more hours, throughout the months i would try to call my friends and see if we could get together every now and again but they would be really short with me and/or not return my phone calls, at this point every attempt i make to try to talk to any of them is met with straight neglect, they won't pick up my calls, return my IM's msg me back on lolmyspace, nothin. everything short of me walking into their work and looking them straight in the eye and saying "hi" and it pains me

i'm just baffled. i'm sitting here wondering what horrible thing i did to these people that they would not want anything to do with me at all.

is my crime that horrid that it is unforgivable?

it's funny that we even became friends in the first place, we came from such different family situations, i guess it was only a matter of time before our paths hadn't been on the same highway. sometimes i think i just grew out of them and their mentality. which sucks cause i miss the times that we had together.

and i sometimes wonder if i will ever feel the way i felt about her for anyone else

/end wall'o'text

 

[Faule]

Well Tok, I pretty much had the same situation except it was in High School. After Junior High (which ends in grade 9 up here), I went to a different high school than most of my friends and that's where it all began. I considered myself quite popular back then. I was friends with everyone and involved in everything I could be. But once we got to high school I saw how little personality and loyalty meant to any of them. All anyone cared about was partying, buying expensive clothes and doing what everyone else did. I eventually transferred to the regular high school (the one I was at was an independent one where you worked at your own pace and I found out that I was a procrastinating slacker.) But when I got back to the high school they were at, my priorities and hobbies had changed since I didn't have them to rely on at the other school. My hobbies had been this game among others and I could care less about doing drugs and getting wasted every weekend to impress them. So we drifted apart. I've spoken with most of them since high school and throughout high school itself but I've just come to realize that people change, especially their priorities and needs from friendship over time.

It sounds like your friends want more than you want to give to be friends with them and that they have different priorities in life. People grow apart. The girls and friends I had grown up with since I was 5 want different things in life than I do and no matter how hard I try we just don't connect the way we used to. I tried bending over backwards to meet their needs and go out of my way to try to schedule things to do with them but it's not worth it. You'll meet other new people at work and just out of spontaneous things that happen as you grow older and you'll make them into new friends. The best friends you can have are the ones that have the same wants and desires as you because you can discuss and go after those things together.

Just remember those kinds of things happen to everyone. Sad to say, but it's just a bump in the road of life. If you ask around to most of the people around your parents' age you may be surprised to find how many don't have much contact to people they have known since they were little. They may know one or two but it is difficult to keep those relationships going as people move in different directions.

 

[Neche]

It's vital to find a balance between your girlfriend and friends. I know exactly the situation you're in, two of my friends whom I've known from the cradle, have both found girlfriends and I hardly see them anymore.
The major difference is that I don't mind not seeing them, I have extremely happy for them that they've found someone that they can love and spend their lives with. If they get married to these girls I will stand by their side as their best man, and if they fall, like you did, I will be there to drink their sorrows away with.
What I'm getting at is these experiences, much like a lot of experiences, show you who your friends really are.
If they turn you a cold shoulder, really don't dwell on them, they are not worth it, and never will be. A friend is someone you are with by choice, through some infinite reason unknown, a friend is chosen family, and they should act like it. If they can't be bothered with you then, really find someone worth their valor.

Two years of college means you can probably go back to continue your education, I'd suggest you do that. You will meet people with the same interests as you, and eventually get a job with people with similar interests, probably. I'm in the same situation as your friends, if you want to keep them appeal to them, let them know what went on, and why. If they are worth their weight, they will understand.

 

[JP]

Life is rough man, I can see where you're coming from. I hope it gets better for you though ^^

 

[Legomyeggo]

IN MARCH, SOMEONE BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE MY MOMMY TOOK ME TO APPLEBEES AND I NEVER TOLD HER, WHICH MADE HER THINK SHE WAS NOT INVITED. That was a funny day. I don't blame her though. The food at Applebees is delicious.

 

[Uzor]

Really, if your friends leave you and hate you because you spend time with your girlfriend or work, they weren't very good friends in the first place. I need to ask though, why could you not spend time with your friends together with your girlfriends?

I try to spend all the time I get with my friends. However, since all of them work (including me), we can't spend a lot of time together. Sometimes we eat lunch together on our lunchbreaks, or party together on Fridays or Saturdays. But really, if one of my friends said they didn't feel like hanging out that day or week or month, I really wouldn't get upset. They most likely have a reason for it, and even then, I don't think they need a reason. Sometimes you want to be alone, sometimes you want to hang out with others. That's ok, and everyone in my circle of friends understand that.

Quite honestly, I think its a pissy thing of your friends to do, if they chose to not be your friend simply because you don't have a lot of time and chose to spend it with the person closest to you. If they were your true friends they would understand your world does not circulate around them.

Let me ask you something though, does your friends have work etc.? I know one of my colleagues friends are the same way. Even though they are the same age as her (she started working there when she were 16 and quit school, she is now 18 going 19), they dislike her simply because she don't feel like spending time with friends after work because she's tired. They don't understand this concept and feel like she owe it to them to spend time with them. I'd imagine your friends are the same way, and they will likely change when they actually get a job themselves.

A true friend don't expect you to spend time with you, nor do they feel you owe it to them. They realize you, as well as them, spend time with them because you enjoy their company. If they chose to not be your friend because of the reasons you stated, they weren't true friends in the first place.